Customer Reviews

All About Love: New Visions

5 star:		(18)
4 star:		(7)
3 star:		(3)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

There aren't many public discussions of love in America outside of popular culture -- movies, music, books, magazines -- but there should be, because lack of an expansive understanding of and capacity for love is behind much that is wrong in our society. When bell hooks noticed that the world she was living in "was no longer open to love" and that "lovelessness had become the order of the day," she decided to write about it. "I began thinking and writing about love when I heard cynicism instead of hope in the voices of young and old," she says.

The result is a book that's a refreshing change from relationship advice books that completely overlook the cultural context of love -- the ways in which love is difficult for both men and women, but especially for women, in a patriarchal culture; the ways in which a more expansive understanding of love is sorely needed to set things right in a country run by fear. hooks begins by addressing the pervasive confusion about what love is, defining it as M. Scott Peck does: "The will to extend oneself for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth."

The chapters in which hooks names "the ways we are seduced away from love" read as a litany of soul-corroding cultural norms. There is, most fundamentally, injustice to children in dysfunctional families in a culture where family dysfunction is normalized. Then there's the increasing prevalence of lying in public and private transactions alike, most recently exemplified in the Enron scandal and the priest-pedophile scandal in the Catholic Church. There's the cultural obsession with power and domination instead of a love ethic. (hooks pulls no punches when she states: "An overall cultural embrace of a love ethic would mean that we would all oppose much of the public policy conservatives condone and support.") There's also the vast and unending greed encouraged by a consumerist society. And last but not least, there's our collective fear of and at the same time worship of death. (What else could explain the great popularity of movies saturated with violence, such as "Lord of the Rings"?)

Then there are the chapters where hooks explores the importance of self-love, the reality of divine love, the crucial role played by friendships and communities, the role of romantic love in helping us resolve and transform family-of-origin wounds if approached consciously, the real healing power of true love, and the yearning for love that lies behind the popular fascination with angels. The only topic I found missing from her comprehensive look at love is biophilia, that love of nature named by Harvard biologist Edward O. Wilson. I'm coming to realize that any concept of intimacy with our particular place on earth is sorely absent from most American lives, imperiling our planet's health as well as our own.

Throughout the book, it's hooks's personal revelations that make what she says credible and that especially strike a chord in me. I found in her a sister spirit. Just my age, she could be describing my relationship history when she describes her own. And herein lies my biggest quibble with the book: wishing to avoid the kind of disappointments in relationships with men I've had in the past, I want to believe that I can find satisfying love with a male, but the many generalizations hooks makes about men in our culture make me wonder. I fear she may be right when she says that "most men feel that they receive love and therefore know what it feels like to be loved; women often feel we are in a constant state of yearning, wanting love but not receiving it" (p. xx).

According to hooks, many, if not most, men under patriarchy tell lies "to avoid confrontation or taking responsibility for inappropriate behavior" (p. 36), "use psychological terrorism as a way to subordinate women" (p. 41), "are especially inclined to see love as something they should receive without expending effort . . . . [and] do not want to do the work that love demands" (p. 114), are usually prevented by sexist thinking from "acknowledging their longing for love or their acceptance of a female as their guide on love's path" (p. 156), "are convinced that their erotic longing indicates who they should, and can, love . . . . [and] tend to be more concerned about sexual performance and sexual satisfaction than whether they are capable of giving and receiving love" (pp. 174, 176), and "choose relationships in which they can be emotionally withholding when they feel like it but still receive love from someone else. . . . [and ultimately] choose power over love" (p. 187). Hmmm. Men, what do you say to this? Can you deny it?

"Profound changes in the way we think and act must take place if we are to create a loving culture," writes hooks. I, for one, would welcome those changes and am working on making them in myself. Despite being marred by unfortunate typos ("Living by a Love Ethnic" [viii], "perfect love casts our fear" [220]), this is a courageous and important book that should be read widely and taken to heart.

My hope for the new millennium was that more people became aware of the writings of bell hooks. She helps us to lift off those rose colored glasses we seem to wear on our minds about current social issues that plague the american culture. Her current writing explores why our culture has leaned toward narrissism and excessive materialism...the lack of love in our lives. Her vision is simple and clean for this book, which makes it easier to understand her passion on the subject of love and the lack of it. She offers new ways to think about love for ourselves, our families and american humanity. Ms. hooks is a critical thinker who challenges us to rethink how to give and receive love in our lives.

bell hooks has written an intelligent and heartfelt treatise on love. The ideas are Brilliant, Creative and New. The book is well written and truly a pleasure to read. Not a "self-help" book, it approaches the subject of love from a scholarly perspective, without losing the emotion needed to delve into the subject thoroughly. If you are in love, or want to be, or hate the very thought of loving anyone, then this book is for you.

I have read and reread this book. I have bought it for friends, given my copies to strangers on the trian who have asked about it, and suggested it to just about everyone i know, from my grandmother to my boyfriend. I truely believe that if everyone on earth read this book that the world would be a better place. Bell Hooks is "hardcore" about her stance on what is and what isn't love. She gives it definition and makes it actually possible to consider a future, or even a present, with love in our lives when we live in a time when love is looked at as impossible by most of us. She attacks our ideas about love. I personally came away from the book with an idea of how to actually go about being a more loving person. I have standards now that I didn't have before. Unlike a previous reviewer said, Bell Hooks bases her ideas of love on responsibility and respect.
I highly recommend this book.

If you're looking for a self-help book that offers all the answers to questions you have about love this isn't it. "All About Love" is a cultural examination of what love is and what it means in our society. I love bell hooks because she doesn't pretend to have all the answers, or any for that matter. That's what makes her a good philosopher. This book makes you reflect on how you have been taught to love and how you define it. One point hooks talks about is that people assume they know real love because they've always loved a certain way. Is it working for you? For some people-yes, for some people it isn't. This book is a starting point toward answering that question.(well, it was for me anyway.)Interestingly, several people I know (scholars none the less) have scoffed at the idea of this book of love. If your mindset going into reading this is is "who does bell hooks think she is telling me about love, I already know love" then save your time reading this because you aren't ready for the lesson.

I LOVE this book...read through it very quickly and look forward to reading it again. It did more for me than any "self-help" book I've picked up because she explores the issues surrounding love and why we are unable to love ourself. And there is no pressure to "practice" certain healing methods. The book is thought provoking and inspirational. I've struggled with the issue of lovelessness all my life and was on the verge of destroying a very wonderful relationship because of my inability to love myself first. I am better able now to understand where those feelings are coming from and how to deal with them and let them go. This book has helped to liberate me. And now I can learn to love myself and my partner on a much deeper level. Upon finishing the book, I woke up the next morning feeling refreshed and renewed with a new way of looking at love and how we love. From time to time, we do find ourselves discouraged and question whether we will find love in our lives without realizing that love exists in all of us and around us. Bell Hooks is a great writer; I admire her ability to express her thoughts on the issue of love and to be able to share it with the rest of world. She speaks to you in this book. Thank you, Bell Hooks!

bell hooks' "all about love" is an excellent treatise on the importance of love in a culture that glorifies greed and self-hate. hooks offers much-needed criticism of society's abandonment of love and shows where the lack of love has left communities impoverished and addicted to drugs, alcohol, and/or shopping. Not only does hooks offer an alternative to the self-hate learned from family, media, and patriarchal society, but she gives simple, easy to follow steps that will lead individuals to self-love and communities to shared love and pride. Even if you don't agree with everything hooks says, it is a great book for anyone looking for a positive alternative to the widespread cynicism and lovelessness America has come to embrace.

All About Love is an important and moving work by a brilliant writer. I first heard about this book when I heard an interview with bell hooks - a few days later, I bought the book, and I read it rather quickly. hooks has so many important things to say - she addresses the importance of honesty, the need for a "love ethic," and, above all else, the necessity of beleiving in and searching for "true love."

Some people seem to object to the fact that hooks uses her personal life as a way to explore love, but I really don't understand why that's a problem. What would you rather she do - use statistics and sociological data? Maybe then her analysis would be more objective, but the fact is, love is, by its very nature, entirely subjective, so I much prefer hooks's personal approach.

bell hooks is one of the most gifted intellectuals of our time and this book is one of her best books. Before reading this book, I was only familiar with bell hooks in the context of her role as a social critic and scholar in terms of her writings on issues such as race, gender, and class; but what this book does is allow people to think critically about a subject so thought provoking but commonly explored and discussed within the commercial confines of popular culture. This book allows the reader to transcend thinking of love in terms of romantic love and love for our families, but also envision love as an emotion of compassion and a foundation for ethics and social change in terms of love for self, humanity, and the environment.

I was moved by this book and I enjoyed the read. hooks' approach is straight forward, feminist yet her voice is affirming and gentle, especially in the latter chapters about love and healing and spirituality. She is a gifted writer who makes you wonder why society's overt messages are so hostile to loving, then shows you the way to find your own way. She joyfully relies on Erich Fromm's Art of Loving and Scott Peck's The Road Less Traveled, and other insightful authors. If you are thinking about re-reading The Road Less Traveled, read this first. You'll enjoy them both. You will grow. Cynicism, begone!