All the Rules: Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right [Mass Market Paperback]

Ellen Fein (Author), Sherrie Schneider (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: January 1, 2007

For the first time in one volume--in a special oversized format--comes "The Rules" and "The Rules II," the phenomenal bestsellers that captured the interest of millions of readers in search of Mr. Right. Original.

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Sherrie Schneider, married, is a freelance magazine writer and former columnist for Adweek magazine.

Product Details

• Mass Market Paperback: 400 pages
• Publisher: Grand Central Publishing (January 1, 2007)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0446618799
• ISBN-13: 978-0446618793
• Product Dimensions: 4.1 x 1 x 7.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 7.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (79 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,001 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #1 in Books > 4-for-3 Books > Health, Mind & Body > Relationships > Love & Romance
  • #1 in Books > 4-for-3 Books > Health, Mind & Body > Relationships > Interpersonal Relations
  • #1 in Books > 4-for-3 Books > Health, Mind & Body > Relationships > Dating

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

73 of 80 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Just finished it..., July 8, 2009

By 

Jo Montana - See all my reviews

This review is from: All the Rules: Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right (Mass Market Paperback)

After yet ANOTHER time of starting out a potential relationship with the guy being totally infatuated with me and then ending it within a few months, I read this book.

All this time I have wondered why on Earth guys started out thinking I was this interesting, intriguing, wonderful, irreplaceable woman then did a total 180, and here this book lined it all up for me. I started out being myself--sassy, feisty, interesting me--and as I turned towards liking a guy, I'd completely lose myself in the relationship, which would cause him to lose interest in me. I wasn't me anymore, I was doormat shell of a me.

I was able to identify actual moments in this last relationship where his interest in me started slipping--and it was all stuff that I was doing that the Rules warn against.

Granted, this book does not have ALL the answers--for example, I would imagine that you can only tell someone so many times that "I have plans" or "I'm so busy" without giving a single detail as to what you're doing before they think you're a liar or a manipulative cow. The book doesn't go into what to say when they ask "Doing what?". And it doesn't cover cell phones/text messaging/social networking stuff.

But a lot of it is teaching women to be courteous to themselves and their friends. We shouldn't break plans with friends or avoid making weekend plans in the hopes that the guy will call last minute. We shouldn't sit by the phone waiting to pick up after half a ring. We SHOULD resist the temptation to find excuses to call, and the temptation to bend over backwards for him without getting the same treatment in return. We SHOULD expect romantic and thoughtful gifts--measured by effort, not by cost--from someone who loves us. We SHOULD keep our own lives, our own interests, keep ourselves feeling valued with or without a guy. We SHOULD keep our distance emotionally until after we're sure instead of turning a boyfriend into a pro bono therapist...or we turn ourselves into wrecks over a short-term relationship.

So kudos to this book. As of right now, I'm testing out the Rules (or at least my version of them--I'm not a husband hunter, I just want a fulfilling relationship if I'm going to have one) with two different prospective guys. Even if it doesn't work out with either of them, I know to avoid bad behaviors that this book pointed out I had, and I'm hoping it makes me a better potential girlfriend.

209 of 255 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Be very careful what you wish for- you just might get it!!, January 21, 2007

By 

It's me "logitechgirl" (LONG ISLAND CITY, NEW YORK USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: All the Rules: Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right (Mass Market Paperback)

I was torn as to what rating to give this book. I finally decided on giving it a 5 because I asked myself this question: Does this book deliver on it's promises. After over a decade of experiences in both using and NOT using the RULES, the answer is unfortunately or fortunately (depending on your attitude on the subject) a resounding YES!!! Hence I gave it 5 stars. HOWEVER BE FORWARNED-

Over a decade of doing the RULES (and sometimes not) has taught me that the techniques work too well in that you will attract men who don't deserve your attention AS WELL AS men who do. You see, the RULES works because it feeds on the male ego's attraction to competition and "winning". So yes- you will attract more men and get more attention, but this will not only include attention from the great guy who finds you interesting and intriging, it also includes the shmuck who's always up for a challenge and due to a hurt ego or repressed self esteem issues, needs to prove to himself that he can succeed at getting someone who's somewhat unnattainable. The difference is that when the great guy "catches" you he knows he's lucky to have caught you and wants to keep you all to himself. When the shmuck thinks he has caught you however, he feels he has proven to himself that he's cool and therefore no longer needs you. He didn't want you... He wanted what you represented. The winning trophy. Meanwhile all the other girls who were pining for him overtly, but he wouldn't pay any attention to them because after all - they definitely wanted him- end up being saved the trouble of knowing him in the first place. This happened to me a couple of times using the Rules. It actually ended up ok, because once I figured out what they were doing I began using the rules to manipulate them into giving me lots of money. You'd be AMAZED how easily it works just using what this book teaches you. A guy will do ANYTHING to prove to himself he's still got IT!! Even give you everything he has!! Since they didn't have a problem manipulating me into wasting my precious time I had NO problem manipulating them while dating other guys. But that's just me. Is that what YOU want? Probably not. And the truth is that while my anger made me feel justified at the time, I really am not proud of it now. What's interesting is that the techniques in the book are wonderful gifts for the nice guys, but end up only mere manipulation devices when used w/ the wrong guys. Only those with plenty of RULES experience would really understand what I mean by that, but basically when you follow the RULES the nice guy (the one you want) is attracted to an 'essance' of you that is coming through loud and clear while you live your life the way you want. Mr. Wrong is only attracted to the mere challenge and to the idea of "winning" you so before you know it he actually becomes like a puppet and you all of a sudden find yourself holding the strings while he dances for your approval in the hopes of his false trophy. The book delivers, but a book called "The List" is a good companion for it and perhaps in fact a step above it if you're looking to get married.

Why I like this book:

1. Regardless of the critisism the book recieves for being Anti-feminist, it's in reality the most pro-feminist book I've ever encountered.

2. It teaches women not to pay much attention to men. It says you shouldn't even pay them enough attention to call them. Live your life- only better than before. Take care of your body, Do well in school, Be as happy as you can be, join groups, have fun on the weekends, work for that promotion- Oh, and there are these creatures called 'men' walking around and when you do these things they're going to notice you and want to talk to you and spend time with you.. You can if you want to. If you bought this book you probably do want to, but the point is to go about your day like you don't care whether they call or not. If you do care pretend that you don't, because the truth is, you shouldn't care anyway. After all, don't you have a promotion to go after? If he doesn't call, forget about him cause you have your own thing to do anyway. Someone else will call and then you get to choose whether he's worth your time or not. That ladies, is what this book is REALLY about. Those that think otherwise are too bitter to see it in the right light. And even those that hate it and have TRIED it will tell you it works. The only question is to what cost?

In my experience, The RULES are a great guide for women who want to date. It basically tells you in more detail to give yourself everything you deserve (healthy lifestyle, rich personal and profesional life, etc..) and the men will follow. It tells you not to divulge your life story in the first few dates (good advice. He hasn't EARNED the PRIVILAGE of knowing your personal shi* at that point yet.) And to not be exclusive to any one guy until you have a ring on your finger which is a pretty Pro-feminist idea considering it's pretty much what guys have been doing for centuries...and often even WITH a ring already on their fingers. The book says, that no boyfriend is worth your all your time- only a HUSBAND is. Every other guy is roadkill in your life path just there to help you have a good time. Pretty empowering for women actually. Like I said before though, it works a little too well as the techniques will attract Mr. Right AND some MR. Wrongs that want to know they got the girl that's 'hard to get' and pad themselves on the back for "winning". It's a good buy and it'll keep you busy on Friday nights, but for those of you that are really looking to get a ring on your finger I highly recommend you check out "The List".

P.S. I DON'T recommend "The List" for women who aren't 1000% sure they want to get married and settle down as soon as possible. This is because it has requirements like dropping any guy that doesn't call you within 24 hrs of meeting, etc...I think that's a great idea to go by if you're done playing games and want to start a family asap, but it's extreme if you're not positive that's what you want yet. If you're still in the dating mood I'd stick with The Rules.

136 of 166 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars PLEASE DON'T LISTEN TO THIS STUFF..., November 5, 2007

By 

Cal Cooley "The Big Guy" (All over the world) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: All the Rules: Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right (Mass Market Paperback)

Yes, I read this book, and Yes, I'm a man... that is "kind, sensitive, professional, likes theatre and the symphony, loves long walks on the beach" and all the rest of the things we're programmed to say by the "find a mate" industry... In my particular case it all happens to be true, but... I'm single. Why? Because any man with half a brain and fully functioning heart can spot this kind of manipulation... and why in the world would a truly good man think of spending the rest of his life with a woman that starts by playing games.

The saddest thing is, most of you are wonderful women who are just far too influenced by the yammering of other females instead of listening to your own heart. Guys are not all idiots when it comes to spotting this kind of behavior...

Sure, these "rules" will ABSOLUTLEY work most of the time... but they only work on the guys that really ARE shut off emotionally or are just plain shallow.

Most of us figured out a long time ago that authenticity is the only way to start a relationship and we have huge "hot buttons" that get pushed at the very first sign of female manipulations, (be they intentional or not)... and while some men (like me) run at the first sign of that... MANY of my friends will simply put those women into the category of "players"... "girls" that may be fun to hang around, date and bed but they aren't ever going to be "the one"... luckily, sometimes they are around long enough to truly show some authentic humanity... and in that case, most of us guys will "re-assess" and say to ourselves... "hmmm, maybe we can make something deep and lasting here..."

A woman that is her own person, independent, with her own ideas and interests (but also doesn't wear those traits like chips on her shoulders (which is just another form of "posing" if you ask me)) is what most of us want...

I hope this rant helps in some way (if you are in any way offended by my wording, please know there isn't any anger in this, just hope for clarity). I'm sure that these authors meant well when they wrote these "rules", but this is TERRIBLE advice to follow to attract anything but guys from "the low end of the male emotional and intellectual spectrum"... in some ways, though, I would recommend this book... IF you can read it and see the falseness in most of the "tricks" that are taught and you analyze the best way to NOT be that way, it can be very helpful.

Please.... just take care of yourself, be courageous, accentuate your strengths and legitimately deal with your weaknesses and you will be a wonderful, happy, interesting woman... and NONE of us knuckle-dragging guys can resist a happy, confident woman! ;-)