Customer Reviews

Allies in Healing

5 star:		(28)
4 star:		(8)
3 star:		(3)
2 star:		(3)
1 star:		(4)

 

 

As a survivor of child sexual abuse, I am grateful that Laura Davis complied all the information from her workshops for partners into this book. It should be required reading for anyone in a relationship with a survivor. There are so few resources for partners and the survivor can't explain it all. Healing is a two person job when you're in a relationship.

The question and answer format makes it very user friendly. Read it cover to cover, or just pick it up when you feel puzzled.

As the author suggests, I read it first and found that it gave me words to explain some topics that I thought I'd never be able to express. Sharing this book with my fiance was not easy. But it drew us closer together and opened the door for wonderfully insightful discussion. It also gave me insight into what it is like for someone in a relationship with me. I learned to be more patient and compassionate. Understanding the after effects of childhood molestation are not simple or easy, not just for me, but also for my partner.

I love that Davis very forthrightly says that while not every relationship will thrive, there are wonderful benefits to being with a survivor. The partner is encouraged NOT to rescue or "fix" but rather to respect and grow with the survivor, perhaps even getting more in touch with their own wounded inner child and most importantly to get support for themselves.

For anyone who is an ally of a survivor, this should be in your collection for sure! I turn to it again and again just as I do my now ragged copy of The Courage to Heal. It is not for the timid however. One should be serious about their relationship before sharing this book.

This book has been a real life-saver in helping me cope as the partner of a sexual abuse survivor. It's full of practical advice and written in a question-and-answer format, making it easy to dip into and find what you need. I'm baffled by some of the reviews which suggest this book tells you to give the survivor whatever s/he asks for. I suspect those reviewers have read the title and very little else, because the book strongly emphasises the fact that partners have needs too and gives advice on how to communicate and meet those needs, set boundaries, and take care of yourself during times of crisis - as well as decide whether you want to stay in the relationship at all. Highly recommended.

A very useful book, but it also emphasizes/idealizes the fact that these are one sided relationships, and that you are involved with a person who has an enormous difficulty becoming close with or identifying with others. It provided me with the clarity to see that at least the relationship I was in was not working, and that my partner would never realize my sacrifices in the name of "our" life, nor be in a position to reciprocate until she could trust me. The diservice this book does to the partner is it seems to downplay the frustration and rage that partners clearly expressed. This is an *extremely* difficult relationship to both be in and walk away from, and the author does not seem to address the anguish of the partner, only how the partner can stuff his/her feelings in the interest of helping the recovering partner get along. One fulfilled partner does not a relationship make, and a 5 year payoff is not guaranteed.

This book was suggested to me by my husband's counselor. The format is easy to read, no plowing through chapter by chapter. Remember though, this was written by a survivor. There is some very good advice for partners but it seems geared towards accomodating the survivor and not addressing the needs of the partner.

It is a good book, if your partner is well into the healing process. I don't recommend this book if your partner has just begun healing. If they've just started healing, read this as a companion book to Ken Graber's _Ghosts in the Bedroom_. I found some of the sections in _Allies in Healing_ helpful and enlightening. But when I got to the sections dealing with sex my heart sank. To be told to get used to being a nun/monk is more than a little disheartening.

I completely disagree with some of the reviews of this book. I found it to be extremely helpful and informative. It helped me to better understand why my husband (a survivor) feels and acts the way he does. I was hesitant to buy this book based on the most recent reviews, and I'm glad I finally decided to read it for myself. It IN NO WAY advocates giving the survivor total control! What the book clearly states is that you have to be supportive during the healing process, that you're needs ARE just as important as the survivors, and that it's OK if you are unable or unwilling to ride out the storm. This book shows that it is a great deal of work to be a partner of a survivor, and that, if you are willing to commit yourself to the relationship no matter what, you will find that it was worth the turmoil to have a truly intimate connection with eachother. But the book also states that you have every right to be in a healthy, happy, fulfilling relationship RIGHT NOW, and if you don't want to make an indefinite commitment to the healing process, IT'S OK TO WALK AWAY! If you are looking for someone to tell you the survivor should "put out" every once in a while just to please you, then you are being very shortsighted and selfish...but if you want to see the survivor HEAL so that you can BOTH finally enjoy a healthy, satisfying sex life together FOR YEARS TO COME, then I highly recommend this book!

My partner and I read this book together. He found it extremly helpful and we learned more about each other and sexual abuse. It helped him understand that other people struggled like he has. We found our relationship imporved a great deal after reading this book.

This book is unbelievably helpful for the partner of a sexual abuse survivor. Being able to focus on your feelings again seems selfish at first for a partner, but staying strong as an individual makes your support for the abuse survivor even more possible in the long run. You realize that you are not alone, and that there have been other partners who are showing courage by sticking with someone who is going through (or neeeds to be pointed toward) the healing process. The writing is very clear and well thought through. Because the author is a sexual abuse survivor, and provides clinics for partners of sexual abuse survivors' partners, she is very knowledgeable of the feelings that people on both sides of this trauma end up living with. I would highly recommend this book to both survivors of sexual abuse and their partners so that both people in the relationship can better understand the impact of trauma on their loved ones.

Though I loved my partner very much, I was often confused and hurt in our relationship. Not sure why the distance and odd behaviors happened, and lacking the knowledge or words to discuss it, the roller coaster ride was often more than I could handle. This book was a god send. It explained what was happening and why. It gave me the skills I needed to communicate openly & honestly about the effects of the abuse. It helped me stay healthy so I could be there for the one I loved. It gave us tools that helped us move forward while staying connected and close. Most importantly, it gave us hope. If you and your partner are willing to try, this book can help.

I read this book when an ex-love told me he had been sexually abused as a child. It was a revelation as to why our relationship had such strange dynamics. The book clues you in on the effects of abuse, the healing process and what to expect from your partner. If you are wondering at all about the effects and consequences of childhood sexual abuse READ THIS. The book is also quite good at addressing the abuse of both men and women, making it useful for anyone in a relationship with a survivor. VERY HONEST AND REVEALING READ.

If The Courage To Heal is the sine qua non for survivors of child sexual abuse, Allies in Healing is required reading for partners and loved ones of survivors and victims.

Written in straightforward question and answer format by one of the authors of the best-selling Courage To Heal, Allies in Healing covers topics ranging from dealing with emotions (your own included) to confronting the perpetrator to sexuality.

Allies In Healing also includes the personal stories of a few partners of survivors. Written frankly, the book admits that not all relationships with survivors are destined for success, but also speaks of the incredible benefits of such a relationship.

For anyone who is a loved one or partner of a survivor should turn to this book first- it is the companion to Courage To Heal and will provide many answers to some of the most pressing questions.