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Allies in Healing: When the Person You Love Was Sexually Abused as a Child Paperback – September 11, 1991


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Frequently Bought Together

Allies in Healing: When the Person You Love Was Sexually Abused as a Child + The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse, 20th Anniversary Edition + The Courage to Heal Workbook: A Guide for Women and Men Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse
Price for all three: $53.79

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 368 pages
  • Publisher: William Morrow Paperbacks; 1 edition (September 11, 1991)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0060968834
  • ISBN-13: 978-0060968830
  • Product Dimensions: 6.1 x 0.9 x 9.2 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.4 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (72 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #30,272 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

Review

"Partners can now feel supported and guided in their quest for healing--for themselves and for those they love and cherish." -- --Dan Sexton, Childhelp, U.S.A

About the Author

Laura Davis is the author of The Courage to Heal Workbook, Allies in Healing, Becoming the Parent You Want to Be, and I Thought We'd Never Speak Again. She teaches writing and lives with her family in Santa Cruz, California.


More About the Author

Laura Davis is the author of seven non-fiction books, including The Courage to Heal, Becoming the Parent You Want to Be and I Thought We'd Never Speak Again. Laura's groundbreaking books have sold more than 1.8 million copies around the world. Laura has also worked as a columnist, talk show host, radio reporter, radio producer, blogger, editor, and speaker. Words have always been at the core of her work and her self-expression.

She says, "Writing has been a companion of mine my whole life. I have used words to understand myself, to express myself, to provoke, to educate, to inspire, to make my mark in the world. I've been an author seven times over, a talk show host, a news reporter, a workshop leader, a speaker, a blogger, a columnist, and a writing teacher. Everything I've ever done has focused on communication, using words--both spoken and written--to open hearts and minds. For as long as I can remember, I've always been an agent of change. Although my pathway keeps changing, words are always at the center."

Currently, Laura leads weekly writing groups and memoir writing retreats in the Santa Cruz, CA region, as well as in Bali and Scotland, and she has been mentoring and supporting writers for the past 20 years.

It is truly the work of her heart: "I love teaching. I love watching my students find their natural voice and their rhythm. I love it when they find their true stories and discover the courage to put them on the page. I feel like a midwife as my students birth their stories, and I feel honored to witness their bursts of creativity and pure life energy pouring out on the page. Our writing circles are safe places where skills are honed, tears and laughter are welcome, and each writer is seen, heard and deeply known."

Laura leads weekly writing groups and memoir writing retreats in the Santa Cruz, CA region, as well as an annual summer writing retreat in Bolinas, California, a two-week long writing and yoga retreat in Bali, 10 days in a Scottish castle, and other international retreats.

Laura has created and moderates a vibrant online writing community. She sends free weekly inspirational quote and writing prompt, called the Writer's Journey Roadmap each week. Readers can post their written responses to the weekly prompts online. To learn more about Laura, her books or her workshops, visit Laura's website.

www.lauradavis.net
www.lauradavis.net/roadmap
facebook: Laura Davis & The Writer's Journey

Customer Reviews

I found it to be extremely helpful and informative.
S. Davis
If you and your partner are willing to try, this book can help.
kathw@email.his.ucsf.edu
I highly recommend to anyone who loves someone who was abused.
April Hughes-Spann

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

75 of 78 people found the following review helpful By Brie on July 6, 2001
Format: Paperback
As a survivor of child sexual abuse, I am grateful that Laura Davis complied all the information from her workshops for partners into this book. It should be required reading for anyone in a relationship with a survivor. There are so few resources for partners and the survivor can't explain it all. Healing is a two person job when you're in a relationship.
The question and answer format makes it very user friendly. Read it cover to cover, or just pick it up when you feel puzzled.
As the author suggests, I read it first and found that it gave me words to explain some topics that I thought I'd never be able to express. Sharing this book with my fiance was not easy. But it drew us closer together and opened the door for wonderfully insightful discussion. It also gave me insight into what it is like for someone in a relationship with me. I learned to be more patient and compassionate. Understanding the after effects of childhood molestation are not simple or easy, not just for me, but also for my partner.
I love that Davis very forthrightly says that while not every relationship will thrive, there are wonderful benefits to being with a survivor. The partner is encouraged NOT to rescue or "fix" but rather to respect and grow with the survivor, perhaps even getting more in touch with their own wounded inner child and most importantly to get support for themselves.
For anyone who is an ally of a survivor, this should be in your collection for sure! I turn to it again and again just as I do my now ragged copy of The Courage to Heal. It is not for the timid however. One should be serious about their relationship before sharing this book.
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56 of 58 people found the following review helpful By Amazon Customer on October 28, 2005
Format: Paperback
This book has been a real life-saver in helping me cope as the partner of a sexual abuse survivor. It's full of practical advice and written in a question-and-answer format, making it easy to dip into and find what you need. I'm baffled by some of the reviews which suggest this book tells you to give the survivor whatever s/he asks for. I suspect those reviewers have read the title and very little else, because the book strongly emphasises the fact that partners have needs too and gives advice on how to communicate and meet those needs, set boundaries, and take care of yourself during times of crisis - as well as decide whether you want to stay in the relationship at all. Highly recommended.
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52 of 55 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on June 29, 1999
Format: Paperback
A very useful book, but it also emphasizes/idealizes the fact that these are one sided relationships, and that you are involved with a person who has an enormous difficulty becoming close with or identifying with others. It provided me with the clarity to see that at least the relationship I was in was not working, and that my partner would never realize my sacrifices in the name of "our" life, nor be in a position to reciprocate until she could trust me. The diservice this book does to the partner is it seems to downplay the frustration and rage that partners clearly expressed. This is an *extremely* difficult relationship to both be in and walk away from, and the author does not seem to address the anguish of the partner, only how the partner can stuff his/her feelings in the interest of helping the recovering partner get along. One fulfilled partner does not a relationship make, and a 5 year payoff is not guaranteed.
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28 of 28 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on November 8, 1999
Format: Paperback
My partner and I read this book together. He found it extremly helpful and we learned more about each other and sexual abuse. It helped him understand that other people struggled like he has. We found our relationship imporved a great deal after reading this book.
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26 of 26 people found the following review helpful By kathw@email.his.ucsf.edu on December 9, 1998
Format: Paperback
Though I loved my partner very much, I was often confused and hurt in our relationship. Not sure why the distance and odd behaviors happened, and lacking the knowledge or words to discuss it, the roller coaster ride was often more than I could handle. This book was a god send. It explained what was happening and why. It gave me the skills I needed to communicate openly & honestly about the effects of the abuse. It helped me stay healthy so I could be there for the one I loved. It gave us tools that helped us move forward while staying connected and close. Most importantly, it gave us hope. If you and your partner are willing to try, this book can help.
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48 of 52 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on December 12, 2000
Format: Paperback
This book was suggested to me by my husband's counselor. The format is easy to read, no plowing through chapter by chapter. Remember though, this was written by a survivor. There is some very good advice for partners but it seems geared towards accomodating the survivor and not addressing the needs of the partner.
It is a good book, if your partner is well into the healing process. I don't recommend this book if your partner has just begun healing. If they've just started healing, read this as a companion book to Ken Graber's _Ghosts in the Bedroom_. I found some of the sections in _Allies in Healing_ helpful and enlightening. But when I got to the sections dealing with sex my heart sank. To be told to get used to being a nun/monk is more than a little disheartening.
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39 of 42 people found the following review helpful By S. Davis on May 8, 2005
Format: Paperback
I completely disagree with some of the reviews of this book. I found it to be extremely helpful and informative. It helped me to better understand why my husband (a survivor) feels and acts the way he does. I was hesitant to buy this book based on the most recent reviews, and I'm glad I finally decided to read it for myself. It IN NO WAY advocates giving the survivor total control! What the book clearly states is that you have to be supportive during the healing process, that you're needs ARE just as important as the survivors, and that it's OK if you are unable or unwilling to ride out the storm. This book shows that it is a great deal of work to be a partner of a survivor, and that, if you are willing to commit yourself to the relationship no matter what, you will find that it was worth the turmoil to have a truly intimate connection with eachother. But the book also states that you have every right to be in a healthy, happy, fulfilling relationship RIGHT NOW, and if you don't want to make an indefinite commitment to the healing process, IT'S OK TO WALK AWAY! If you are looking for someone to tell you the survivor should "put out" every once in a while just to please you, then you are being very shortsighted and selfish...but if you want to see the survivor HEAL so that you can BOTH finally enjoy a healthy, satisfying sex life together FOR YEARS TO COME, then I highly recommend this book!
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