62 of 64 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Wonderful Resource for BOTH survivors and their allies!, July 6, 2001
This review is from: Allies in Healing: When the Person You Love Was Sexually Abused as a Child (Paperback)
As a survivor of child sexual abuse, I am grateful that Laura Davis complied all the information from her workshops for partners into this book. It should be required reading for anyone in a relationship with a survivor. There are so few resources for partners and the survivor can't explain it all. Healing is a two person job when you're in a relationship.
The question and answer format makes it very user friendly. Read it cover to cover, or just pick it up when you feel puzzled.
As the author suggests, I read it first and found that it gave me words to explain some topics that I thought I'd never be able to express. Sharing this book with my fiance was not easy. But it drew us closer together and opened the door for wonderfully insightful discussion. It also gave me insight into what it is like for someone in a relationship with me. I learned to be more patient and compassionate. Understanding the after effects of childhood molestation are not simple or easy, not just for me, but also for my partner.
I love that Davis very forthrightly says that while not every relationship will thrive, there are wonderful benefits to being with a survivor. The partner is encouraged NOT to rescue or "fix" but rather to respect and grow with the survivor, perhaps even getting more in touch with their own wounded inner child and most importantly to get support for themselves.
For anyone who is an ally of a survivor, this should be in your collection for sure! I turn to it again and again just as I do my now ragged copy of The Courage to Heal. It is not for the timid however. One should be serious about their relationship before sharing this book.
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40 of 40 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Excellent - a real life-saver, October 28, 2005
This review is from: Allies in Healing: When the Person You Love Was Sexually Abused as a Child (Paperback)
This book has been a real life-saver in helping me cope as the partner of a sexual abuse survivor. It's full of practical advice and written in a question-and-answer format, making it easy to dip into and find what you need. I'm baffled by some of the reviews which suggest this book tells you to give the survivor whatever s/he asks for. I suspect those reviewers have read the title and very little else, because the book strongly emphasises the fact that partners have needs too and gives advice on how to communicate and meet those needs, set boundaries, and take care of yourself during times of crisis - as well as decide whether you want to stay in the relationship at all. Highly recommended.
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40 of 42 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
An eye opener, both for me and partner., June 29, 1999
By A Customer
This review is from: Allies in Healing: When the Person You Love Was Sexually Abused as a Child (Paperback)
A very useful book, but it also emphasizes/idealizes the fact that these are one sided relationships, and that you are involved with a person who has an enormous difficulty becoming close with or identifying with others. It provided me with the clarity to see that at least the relationship I was in was not working, and that my partner would never realize my sacrifices in the name of "our" life, nor be in a position to reciprocate until she could trust me. The diservice this book does to the partner is it seems to downplay the frustration and rage that partners clearly expressed. This is an *extremely* difficult relationship to both be in and walk away from, and the author does not seem to address the anguish of the partner, only how the partner can stuff his/her feelings in the interest of helping the recovering partner get along. One fulfilled partner does not a relationship make, and a 5 year payoff is not guaranteed.
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