Allies in Healing: When the Person You Love Was Sexually Abused as a Child [Paperback]

Laura Davis (Author)

Book Description

Release date: September 11, 1991

"But what about me?"
"Is it possible to go one day without dealing with the survivor's issues?"
"Will we ever make love again?"
"Will the survivor love me in the end?"
"How do I know if I should throw in the towel?"

Based on in-depth interviews and her workshops for partners across the country, Laura Davis offers practical advice and encouragement to all partners—girlfriends, boyfriends, spouses, and lovers—trying to support the survivors in their lives while tending to their own needs along the way. She shows couples how to deepen compassion, improve communication, and develop an understanding of healing as a shared activity. Addressing partners' most important questions, Allies in Healing covers:

• The Basics—answers common questions about sexual abuse.
• Allies in Healing—introduces key concepts of working and growing together.
• My Needs and Feelings—teaches partners to recognize, value, and express their own needs.
• Dealing with Crisis—includes strategies for handling suicidal feelings, regression, and hopelessness.
• Intimacy and Communication—offers practical advice on dealing with distancing, control, trust, and fighting.
• Sex—provides guidelines for coping with flashbacks, lack of desire, differences in sexual needs, and frustration.
• Family lssues—suggests a range of ideas for interacting with the survivor's family.
• Partners' Stories—explores the struggles, triumphs, and courage of eight partners.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"Partners can now feel supported and guided in their quest for healing--for themselves and for those they love and cherish." -- --Dan Sexton, Childhelp, U.S.A

About the Author

Laura Davis is the author of The Courage to Heal Workbook, Allies in Healing, Becoming the Parent You Want to Be, and I Thought We'd Never Speak Again. She teaches writing and lives with her family in Santa Cruz, California.

Product Details

• Paperback: 368 pages
• Publisher: William Morrow Paperbacks; 1 edition (September 11, 1991)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0060968834
• ISBN-13: 978-0060968830
• Product Dimensions: 1 x 6.1 x 9.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.4 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (54 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #17,472 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #25 in Books > Politics & Social Sciences > Politics & Government > Public Affairs & Policy > Social Services & Welfare
  • #33 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Psychology & Counseling > Mental Illness
  • #36 in Books > Parenting & Relationships > Family Relationships > Dysfunctional Relationships

More About the Author

Laura Davis is the author of seven non-fiction books, including The Courage to Heal, Becoming the Parent You Want to Be and I Thought We'd Never Speak Again. Laura's groundbreaking books have sold more than 1.8 million copies around the world. Laura has also worked as a columnist, talk show host, radio reporter, radio producer, blogger, editor, and speaker. Words have always been at the core of her work and her self-expression.

She says, "Writing has been a companion of mine my whole life. I have used words to understand myself, to express myself, to provoke, to educate, to inspire, to make my mark in the world. I've been an author seven times over, a talk show host, a news reporter, a workshop leader, a speaker, a blogger, a columnist, and a writing teacher. Everything I've ever done has focused on communication, using words--both spoken and written--to open hearts and minds. For as long as I can remember, I've always been an agent of change. Although my pathway keeps changing, words are always at the center."

Currently, Laura leads weekly writing groups and memoir writing retreats in the Santa Cruz, CA region, as well as in Bali and Scotland, and she has been mentoring and supporting writers for the past 20 years.

It is truly the work of her heart: "I love teaching. I love watching my students find their natural voice and their rhythm. I love it when they find their true stories and discover the courage to put them on the page. I feel like a midwife as my students birth their stories, and I feel honored to witness their bursts of creativity and pure life energy pouring out on the page. Our writing circles are safe places where skills are honed, tears and laughter are welcome, and each writer is seen, heard and deeply known."

Laura leads weekly writing groups and memoir writing retreats in the Santa Cruz, CA region, as well as an annual summer writing retreat in Bolinas, California, a two-week long writing and yoga retreat in Bali, 10 days in a Scottish castle, and other international retreats.

Laura has created and moderates a vibrant online writing community. She sends free weekly inspirational quote and writing prompt, called the Writer's Journey Roadmap each week. Readers can post their written responses to the weekly prompts online. To learn more about Laura, her books or her workshops, visit Laura's website.

www.lauradavis.net
www.lauradavis.net/roadmap
facebook: Laura Davis & The Writer's Journey

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

52 of 52 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent - a real life-saver October 28, 2005

By MB

Format:Paperback

This book has been a real life-saver in helping me cope as the partner of a sexual abuse survivor. It's full of practical advice and written in a question-and-answer format, making it easy to dip into and find what you need. I'm baffled by some of the reviews which suggest this book tells you to give the survivor whatever s/he asks for. I suspect those reviewers have read the title and very little else, because the book strongly emphasises the fact that partners have needs too and gives advice on how to communicate and meet those needs, set boundaries, and take care of yourself during times of crisis - as well as decide whether you want to stay in the relationship at all. Highly recommended.

67 of 69 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Wonderful Resource for BOTH survivors and their allies! July 6, 2001

By Brie

Format:Paperback

As a survivor of child sexual abuse, I am grateful that Laura Davis complied all the information from her workshops for partners into this book. It should be required reading for anyone in a relationship with a survivor. There are so few resources for partners and the survivor can't explain it all. Healing is a two person job when you're in a relationship.

The question and answer format makes it very user friendly. Read it cover to cover, or just pick it up when you feel puzzled.

As the author suggests, I read it first and found that it gave me words to explain some topics that I thought I'd never be able to express. Sharing this book with my fiance was not easy. But it drew us closer together and opened the door for wonderfully insightful discussion. It also gave me insight into what it is like for someone in a relationship with me. I learned to be more patient and compassionate. Understanding the after effects of childhood molestation are not simple or easy, not just for me, but also for my partner.

I love that Davis very forthrightly says that while not every relationship will thrive, there are wonderful benefits to being with a survivor. The partner is encouraged NOT to rescue or "fix" but rather to respect and grow with the survivor, perhaps even getting more in touch with their own wounded inner child and most importantly to get support for themselves.

For anyone who is an ally of a survivor, this should be in your collection for sure! I turn to it again and again just as I do my now ragged copy of The Courage to Heal. It is not for the timid however. One should be serious about their relationship before sharing this book.

44 of 46 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars An eye opener, both for me and partner. June 29, 1999

By A Customer

Format:Paperback

A very useful book, but it also emphasizes/idealizes the fact that these are one sided relationships, and that you are involved with a person who has an enormous difficulty becoming close with or identifying with others. It provided me with the clarity to see that at least the relationship I was in was not working, and that my partner would never realize my sacrifices in the name of "our" life, nor be in a position to reciprocate until she could trust me. The diservice this book does to the partner is it seems to downplay the frustration and rage that partners clearly expressed. This is an *extremely* difficult relationship to both be in and walk away from, and the author does not seem to address the anguish of the partner, only how the partner can stuff his/her feelings in the interest of helping the recovering partner get along. One fulfilled partner does not a relationship make, and a 5 year payoff is not guaranteed.