Allies in Healing: When the Person You Love Was Sexually Abused as a Child [Paperback]

Laura Davis (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: September 11, 1991

"But what about me?"
"Is it possible to go one day without dealing with the survivor's issues?"
"Will we ever make love again?"
"Will the survivor love me in the end?"
"How do I know if I should throw in the towel?"
Based on in-depth interviews and her workshops for partners across the country, Laura Davis offers practical advice and encouragement to all partners -- girlfriends, boyfriends, spouses, and lovers -- trying to support the survivors in their lives while tending to their own needs along the way. She shows couples how to deepen compassion, improve communication, and develop an understanding of healing as a shared activity. Addressing partners' most important questions, Allies in Healing covers:

• The Basics -- answers common questions about sexual abuse.
• Allies in Healing -- introduces key concepts of working and growing together.
• My Needs and Feelings -- teaches partners to recognize, value, and express their own needs.
• Dealing with Crisis -- includes strategies for handling suicidal feelings, regression, and hopelessness.
• Intimacy and Communication -- offers practical advice on dealing with distancing, control, trust, and fighting.
• Sex -- provides guidelines for coping with flashbacks, lack of desire, differences in sexual needs, and frustration.
• Family lssues -- suggests a range of ideas for interacting with the survivor's family.
• Partners' Stories -- explores the struggles, triumphs, and courage of eight partners.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"Partners can now feel supported and guided in their quest for healing--for themselves and for those they love and cherish." -- --Dan Sexton, Childhelp, U.S.A

About the Author

Laura Davis is the author of The Courage to Heal Workbook, Allies in Healing, Becoming the Parent You Want to Be, and I Thought We'd Never Speak Again. She teaches writing and lives with her family in Santa Cruz, California.

Product Details

• Paperback: 368 pages
• Publisher: William Morrow Paperbacks; 1 edition (September 11, 1991)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0060968834
• ISBN-13: 978-0060968830
• Product Dimensions: 9.2 x 6.2 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.4 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (46 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #17,807 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #20 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Mental Health > Abuse & Self Defense > Sexual Abuse
  • #23 in Books > Self-Help > Abuse
  • #28 in Books > Parenting & Relationships > Family Relationships > Dysfunctional Relationships

More About the Author

Laura Davis is a nationally recognized expert on healing from child sexual abuse. She is the co-author of The Courage to Heal, Beginning to Heal, and Becoming the Parent You Want to Be, as well as the author of Allies in Healing. She lives in Santa Cruz, CA.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

62 of 64 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Wonderful Resource for BOTH survivors and their allies!, July 6, 2001

By 

Brie (Virginia) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Allies in Healing: When the Person You Love Was Sexually Abused as a Child (Paperback)

As a survivor of child sexual abuse, I am grateful that Laura Davis complied all the information from her workshops for partners into this book. It should be required reading for anyone in a relationship with a survivor. There are so few resources for partners and the survivor can't explain it all. Healing is a two person job when you're in a relationship.

The question and answer format makes it very user friendly. Read it cover to cover, or just pick it up when you feel puzzled.

As the author suggests, I read it first and found that it gave me words to explain some topics that I thought I'd never be able to express. Sharing this book with my fiance was not easy. But it drew us closer together and opened the door for wonderfully insightful discussion. It also gave me insight into what it is like for someone in a relationship with me. I learned to be more patient and compassionate. Understanding the after effects of childhood molestation are not simple or easy, not just for me, but also for my partner.

I love that Davis very forthrightly says that while not every relationship will thrive, there are wonderful benefits to being with a survivor. The partner is encouraged NOT to rescue or "fix" but rather to respect and grow with the survivor, perhaps even getting more in touch with their own wounded inner child and most importantly to get support for themselves.

For anyone who is an ally of a survivor, this should be in your collection for sure! I turn to it again and again just as I do my now ragged copy of The Courage to Heal. It is not for the timid however. One should be serious about their relationship before sharing this book.

40 of 40 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent - a real life-saver, October 28, 2005

By 

MB (UK) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Allies in Healing: When the Person You Love Was Sexually Abused as a Child (Paperback)

This book has been a real life-saver in helping me cope as the partner of a sexual abuse survivor. It's full of practical advice and written in a question-and-answer format, making it easy to dip into and find what you need. I'm baffled by some of the reviews which suggest this book tells you to give the survivor whatever s/he asks for. I suspect those reviewers have read the title and very little else, because the book strongly emphasises the fact that partners have needs too and gives advice on how to communicate and meet those needs, set boundaries, and take care of yourself during times of crisis - as well as decide whether you want to stay in the relationship at all. Highly recommended.

40 of 42 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars An eye opener, both for me and partner., June 29, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: Allies in Healing: When the Person You Love Was Sexually Abused as a Child (Paperback)

A very useful book, but it also emphasizes/idealizes the fact that these are one sided relationships, and that you are involved with a person who has an enormous difficulty becoming close with or identifying with others. It provided me with the clarity to see that at least the relationship I was in was not working, and that my partner would never realize my sacrifices in the name of "our" life, nor be in a position to reciprocate until she could trust me. The diservice this book does to the partner is it seems to downplay the frustration and rage that partners clearly expressed. This is an *extremely* difficult relationship to both be in and walk away from, and the author does not seem to address the anguish of the partner, only how the partner can stuff his/her feelings in the interest of helping the recovering partner get along. One fulfilled partner does not a relationship make, and a 5 year payoff is not guaranteed.