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Alone Together: Making an Asperger Marriage Work Paperback – June 1, 2007

3.9 out of 5 stars 87 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

Review

This book could change your relationship and your life. -- Tony Attwood, author of The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome A really honest and accurate account of what it is like living in a relationship with a man who is affected by Asperger syndrome. There will be something in this book for any one living in such a relationship and it will provide an invaluable guide to professionals who wish to develop their understanding of Asperger relationships. Katrin describes very honestly both the ups and downs of living with her husband Gavin and shows the difference that awareness, understanding and commitment can make towards the success of living with this complex syndrome. -- Maxine Aston, author of Aspergers in Love and The other half of Asperger Syndrome Katrin Bentley has been married for 18 years. Communication is one of the biggest challenges faced by people with Asperger's Syndrome yet Asperger marriages require communication more than any other relationship. Alone Together shares the struggle of one couple to rescue their marriage. Since receiving her husband's diagnosis of AS, their marriage has improved substantially. They learnt to accept each other's different approaches to life, and found ways to overcome problems and misunderstandings. The book includes tips on making an Asperger marriage succeed. -- Autism Us Bentley is lively and informative regarding life in an AS (Asperger Syndrome) household and practitioners would gain insight into the realities by reading this book. -- Therapy Today

Book Description

Bestseller! Married for 18 years to a man with AS, Katrin gives advice on how to live happily and communicate effectively
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 130 pages
  • Publisher: Jessica Kingsley Publishers, Ltd; 1 edition (June 1, 2007)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1843105373
  • ISBN-13: 978-1843105374
  • Product Dimensions: 6 x 0.3 x 9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 5.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (87 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #120,777 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Paperback
I am married to an Aspie. I've read many books on this subject. So far, this one is helping *me* with my marriage. The other books helped me to understand the Aspie, but this one is helping me with my reactions to him. This book is written in layman's terms, and in story form which makes it easy for me to understand. I recommend this book highly.
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When I first found this book at the library, my husband and I were first starting to look into Asperger's because we thought my son and husband might have it. Life kept me from reading this as soon as I would have liked, but once I did it was like having one a ha moment after another. Not only did it help confirm that AS is something my husband and son have, but myself as well.

Katrin Bentley writes from her own experience of living with a husband with AS. She offers a real and honest perspective of what her marriage has been like, and "gives strategies and hints on how to improve" your relationship with someone with AS. I love what she says in the first couple of pages, "Once we discovered AS was the cause of our endless misunderstandings we were able to come to terms with a different way of thinking". Misunderstood is how someone with Asperger's feels, and those married to people with AS must face many frustrations of not understanding why their spouse is the way they are. So, coming to a new way of thinking is about the best answer.

Katrin addresses so many different points about being AS, and married to someone who has it that it would take quite a while to mention them all. The most valuable thing that came from this book is it opened a door of communication and understanding between my husband and myself. I read portions to him that I thought we both related to, and we would have long talks about it.

I appreciate that Katrin does not bash someone with AS, but lovingly explains things, She is not an expert, but more of a friend and mentor. I would read anything else she wrote about AS.
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Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
Hi world. Aspie here, born September 7 1961. Born again November 30 2008. As a (self)diagnosed Aspie. The whole difference is in the knowing. Read Tony Attwood's bible then, cried a bucket. Just finished reading 'Making an Asperger's Marriage Work' and cried another one. It does a man good to cry a bucket of tears once in a while. Should we have known about my AS in 1998 we would have had a fighting chance. We did not, so we did not. As an undiagnosed Aspie you are fighting blindfolded. You can only hit yourself, and the person you care most about. Reading 'Making an Asperger's Marriage work' has made me aware of just how hard married life with me must have been. It does make me sad but you cannot fight the things you cannot see. We did manage then to go our own ways without causing irreparable damage to each other. I am an old-fashioned guy, sort of. While I can well accept that a marriage can end, in my lil Aspie book 'to love & cherish till death do us part' is NOT something that can end. Having the blindfold off in 2008 was a great help to gain understanding and to stop the free fall I was in. Reading the story of these two young people is not going to turn the clock back but it will be a great help in getting myself on the upswing again.

Katrin & Gavin, thanks for sharing & keep up the good fight.

J.

Work in Progress

Update-breaking news-important-LET THERE BE LIGHT !!!

Katrin stresses in her book the need for sunlight, since this is benificial to combat autisme-related depression. I took this to heart right away but since I don't live in a sunny country I went down the road of antidepressants that assist with serotonin. This works, but not really well.
Read more ›
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I bought this book because I've been in a long term relationship with an AS man for the last 8.5 years. We've been in couples counseling and I wanted to see what other couples have been through. I was excited by the title of the book because it's described how I've felt for many years. We are together but still very seperate in some ways.

The book describes one couple's journey through Aspergers. However the journey described isn't a healthy one.

Like the couple in the book, we sorted out that my partner has AS after we got together. Unlike us however, the author seems to use "lack of the theory of the mind" and AS as an excuse for her husband's bad behavior. It also appears that she does most of the compromising in terms of changing behaviors so their married life is better.

My partner and I are working hard to make sure that the relationship is healthy for both of us.The idea of an emotional affair (for either partner) like the one described in chapter 13 would never fly in our home. And the kind of emotional manipulation to get his sick son to perform again in chapter 14 is unacceptable. When we've been sick, our response to each other has always been to take care of the ill one and to make sure that what is needed to get better is on hand.

I cannot recommend this book at all.
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