Customer Reviews

Alone Together: Making an Asperger Marriage Work

5 star:		(11)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(3)

 

 

I am married to an Aspie. I've read many books on this subject. So far, this one is helping *me* with my marriage. The other books helped me to understand the Aspie, but this one is helping me with my reactions to him. This book is written in layman's terms, and in story form which makes it easy for me to understand. I recommend this book highly.

When I first found this book at the library, my husband and I were first starting to look into Asperger's because we thought my son and husband might have it. Life kept me from reading this as soon as I would have liked, but once I did it was like having one a ha moment after another. Not only did it help confirm that AS is something my husband and son have, but myself as well.

Katrin Bentley writes from her own experience of living with a husband with AS. She offers a real and honest perspective of what her marriage has been like, and "gives strategies and hints on how to improve" your relationship with someone with AS. I love what she says in the first couple of pages, "Once we discovered AS was the cause of our endless misunderstandings we were able to come to terms with a different way of thinking". Misunderstood is how someone with Asperger's feels, and those married to people with AS must face many frustrations of not understanding why their spouse is the way they are. So, coming to a new way of thinking is about the best answer.

Katrin addresses so many different points about being AS, and married to someone who has it that it would take quite a while to mention them all. The most valuable thing that came from this book is it opened a door of communication and understanding between my husband and myself. I read portions to him that I thought we both related to, and we would have long talks about it.

I appreciate that Katrin does not bash someone with AS, but lovingly explains things, She is not an expert, but more of a friend and mentor. I would read anything else she wrote about AS.

The author does an excellent job of communicating the difficulty of an AS marriage. The title is wonderful and says it all. She does a good job of explaining the frustrations of everyday life, but is very kind and understanding when speaking of her husband even when he is verbally abusive to her. There was somehow a comfort in reading about the feelings and frustrations that I experience daily. It was like I have a friend who understands completely what I am going through and is sharing her similar story with me. I highly recommend the book.

Katrin is a wonderful wife. They were married for 17 years when she first realized the cause of Galvin's issues at age 37.

With the estimated 80% divorce rate in AS marriages, her story of her own life can be useful. It isn't perfect, it isn't going to match all other couples, and you may not agree with all her conclusions and answers.

yet that's the greatness of the book. it is HER STORY, and she tells it with pride in herself and her partner.

My heart bled for this woman, over and over. Why is it so many loving, sensitive women get in relationships with men with Asperger's? Aspie men are brilliant at presenting themselves as charming, intelligent, slightly shy or aloof and we flock to them like bees to honey- feeling that we are the ones who can rescue and bring them out of their lonely shells. I do understand much about Asperger's, and have great compassion, yet why is it that she stays in this marriage that keeps her constantly working so hard to keep him from getting upset or on overload? How could she stay after, "The Girlfriend"? She doesn't touch on a subject that is an issue in many Aspie/NT marriages and that is lying by the Asperger's partner, specifically in relation to infidelity. She begins to touch upon this in "The Girlfriend" chapter, but seems satisfied that Gavin once and for all learned his lesson. I somehow doubt it. Fooling other women who don't know them as well as we do can be addictive to husband's with Asperger's. They don't have to get that disapproving, disappointed vibe that we wives naturally give off after being hurt, lied to, let down countless times.
I think this women has begun to love her prison; and has lost her sense of self.

There are a lot of books out there on this subject. Perhaps I rated this one only "fair" because my Asperger marriage isn't quite this amicable and I was looking for more help.

My situation is similar to that of the authors husband, in that I have asperger's syndrome and am married. My wife is also blind, but I read the book to her, and it helped her understand how to help our marriage.

It was a big help. How some one with no aspie relations would relate to the book I cannot tell you.

This book is written in a very relaxing and easy to read style, I do not think this is only for Asperger diagnosed people, but for everyone, since all of us show aspergians characteristics once in a while, specially when we are under a lot of stress, so the key is having open communication so we can understand why the other person did what he or she did, rather than walking away without having all the information. One of the key characteristics that I have taken away from this book is that Aspergian behavior seems to be triggered when we act out on our feelings without putting any bounderies or controls over them, then a balance is broken and people get hurt, however, understanding that some people do not know how to build those boundaries or limits can be the key to re-establishing an old relationship in new and fresh ways through teaching, practicing and lots of patience, lots of it, but the end result is all worth it, since we are all human beeings and we like each other's company although we may not know how to express it. Great book.

I purchased this book in order to understand Asperger Syndrome and to help my marriage. The book is basically about the author's Asperger relationship. I would pass on this book. There are better books out there.

On a whim I purchased this book along with some other xmas items - it had been one of my recommended items weeks earlier. I was mildly curious, but did not think I could relate to the author's experience. I found myself re-examining events and issues that I'd contended with in my marriage. Jury's out as to whether my husband qualifies as a true Asperger's - I haven't pursued his getting evaluated just yet-but between the thorough and easy to understand explanations for the misunderstood hurts and blind spots her husband seemed to have and the resources listed at the end of the book, I anticipate a journey that I suspect is just begininning for our family. Ultimately, the conclusion of the author was quite positive and painted a picture of a future that includes greater understanding, appreciation, and harmony.