Customer Reviews

Alphabet of Manliness Extended Edition

5 star:		(190)
4 star:		(38)
3 star:		(23)
2 star:		(14)
1 star:		(8)

 

 

I have to be honest, here. I've read Maddox's website for years, and have long respected him for not giving in to the temptation to make money from his site with pop-ups, banners, etc. My sole purpose for having purchased this book was to support him financially for the years of entertainment he has provided millions for free.

Then the book arrived... While still in the box from Amazon, the woman that delivered it grew a full beard and back hair just in the time it took her to carry it to my doorstep. By the time I got to page three, my testicles had stretch marks. At this point, I was afraid, and would have put the book down except that I knew doing so would have instantly reduced me to a sniveling girly-boy. By the time I finished the book, I had grown 8 inches, and not taller.

I was once a computer programmer that spent my days in a cubicle. After reading the book, I walked into my place of work (I didn't even use the door, just walked through the brick wall) and smashed many faces and headbutted many a uterus, and am now the CEO of the company. I don't even work anymore. I just told them I was CEO, and nobody had enough testosterone to say otherwise.

This book will change your life. Merely looking at the book in person will cause hair growth in places you didn't know hair could grow. Actually opening it will saturate you with testosterone. It is not recommended that you allow your wife near the book, as the book itself will have its way with her.

This is my third copy I'm buying today. Every man in my family must have a copy, or I can no longer call them a man.

-Javin

We need a serious book review here and here it is:

Maddox has always been a controversial figure. You either hate him or love him. "The alphabet of manliness," however, consistent with the usual Maddox style - witty satire and unique approach towards various topics, puts a stronger emphasis on the humor side which I believe is universally funny. The book covers such a wide range of topics that no matter who you are, how you feel about Maddox prior to reading the book, I assure you that you can always get a kick out of the book.

I have been Maddox's fan for years. After four hours of diligently studying the book, I am confident to say that this book is the best of Maddox's work I have ever read, which even includes his classic piece (children's artwork). I found myself gasping for air from time to time when I was reading the book because I simply laughed too hard.

In addition to the great verbal work from Maddox, his illustrators also did a fabulous job. Those illustrations in the book alone will lighten up your day and help you find why it is worth living in the world.

Lastly, let me just say this: You will never find any other book like this one since it is truly one of a kind. This is the book that people will remember for centuries. You can only have a grasp of this extraordinary wisdom and unique perspective of seeing our mundane world through Maddox's eyes. Do get a copy and you will not regret it.

Remember the old Mortal Kombat games, where one could perfectly maul one's opponent and receive a "Flawless Victory"? That is how I envision Maddox standing over the smoking ruin that is the NY Times Bestseller list, laid waste by the ultimate precision that is his Alphabet of Manliness.

Maddox himself is well-known as an Internet legend, latter-day pirate, and scourge of poseurs. However, absolutely no familiarity with his online work or workings is required to appreciate the glory of this novel (although if you haven't seen his website, you should start there to build up the soul callouses needed to survive this book in the likely event that you are not nearly man - or woman - enough to handle it). This book stands in its own right as simultaneously parody, truth, and a ringing indictment of all things pathetic, tame, and child-proofed in our modern world. Indeed, I can only assume Maddox and his team of lumberjacks personally went out and killed the very trees whose flesh makes up this book.

As with all types of perfection, singing this book's praises is much easier than imagining what it is missing. I cannot think of a single thing. Everything from precise instructions on the proper drop-kick to the ring on Chuck Norris' finger to a depiction of beef jerky using a chaingun on vegetables is here for your consumption. What more could you want? Or, more importantly, what more could you possibly deserve? Nothing.

Buy the book. Roar in hilarity at its uncensored mayhem. At least if you don't like it, it'll give you something to do on your one-way flight back to France.

As soon as I learned the book was coming, I knew I had to buy it. I was expecting the same comedic genius no-holds-barred inflammatory, caustic, and mordantly cynical observations that he is infamous for on his "Best page in the universe" site. I was not disappointed. Just the cover alone, with the Tarzan-like he-man punching a gorilla in the face is absurdly hilarious enough to crack me up. That cover is brilliant!, and that folks,...is uber-macho! I'd love a wall poster of the cover.

By the time I got to the letter "C" the book had already paid for itself. I had tears streaming down my face from laughing so hard. I have read every kind of humor novel and magazine I could get a hold of. This book is not the gentle Barry-esque humor, nor Buchwald, nor anyone else. It is 100% Maddox. Be prepared for the ultimate crotch-bomb collection of in-your-face manly-man balls of steel parody. This is one of the most flat-out hilarious books in the history of the written word. If you are easily offended, or too dense to see what he has done here and get mad about it, you need to get a thicker skin. Don't bother getting your panties in a bunch by reading this book, it's far too masculine for you. I recommend that you stick with the gentle musings of Dave Berry or Erma Bombeck.

To make a small distinction, I viewed Maddox as more a literary Viking than a pirate. Pirates steal and plunder. Vikings discover and conquer. There is nothing stolen about this book. It's a trailblazer, and I hope to see more books from Maddox. I am waiting for the day that he branches out into other media. This is just the beginning of his meteoric rise to fame and yes, fortune. At risk of inflating his apparently frail self-esteem (ummm...right!) I'd say that he is a genius, and that this is the best humor in the universe.

It was so manly, it made my balls drop...

and I'm a girl.

I was expecting to get some good laughs out of the book like I do at the website--"some good laughs" is an insulting understatement. Flipping through the book and reading the text along with great comedic illustrations gave me some of the best laughs I've had in a while. I'll think I'm finished laughing at the end of a sentence, but the next sentence gets me laughing even harder.

I am excited to have such a book that I can hold onto for many years to share with others. Having it in hardcover for such a low price on Amazon is a steal!

Thanks, Maddox! You deserve everything you get out of this book, monetary and otherwise--keep up the great work!

The prophetic writings of Maddox are everything we had ever hoped for. If your so pathetic that you haven't ordered it already, ask a friend to choke you into unconciousness, and when you come around, pick yourself up out of the puddle of your own drool, clean yourself up to show The Book its proper respect, and get to the nearest bookstore to buy it.

After reading The Alphabet of Manliness, I can now conclude that I am thrice the man that I have ever been. Until reading this book, I was wondering why I didn't grow any hair on my back or knuckles. Shortly after completion, I am now a hairy lumberjack who wields an axe, but that's just my day job. At night, I make sure my woman is kept in place, and search for burried treasure as a pirate.

This book is a true testament to what a man should be and is, and I have delicately placed it on the book shelf right next to The Bible, and I'm happy to say that it fits in there as though it was meant to be by divine right.

Thank you Maddox... Thank you for making me thrice the man that I already was!

I just picked up the book today, and I was surprised that the ONLY bookstore here in Killeen, TX, at the mall, actually had it. I knew then that they were afraid of NOT carrying it. I now know why.

I knew that I had to drink beer while reading it. This is the first documented time I've ever read a book while drinking. Usually me drinking leads to unwanted phone calls, driving, and promiscuous sex. But not this time.

I was also eating pizza while drinking and reading this book. It was a Trifecta of manliness. I gave a knowing nod when I got to the chapter H, as I was pouring Cholula hot sauce on my pizza. Laughing while trying to eat something with hot sauce on it is not good for the esophagus, but I did not care.

I just wanted to thank Maddox for the incredible experience that is his book. I only hope to create something 1/100000th as manly someday. I think my back hair, which pokes up THROUGH a tattoo, doesn't yet make the cut. I applaud him.

Is truly an accurate description of this book. Take everything you've ever even considered manly, turn into a book, and you'll get this. No deep hidden under-story depicting our shattered world here, only pure un-adulterated manliness. [...]
This book is pure comical genius. It follows the humor of his site, but with less of an emphasis on intelligent humor, and instead focuses on young, immature, man loving, flannel wearing humor. I'd advise picking up a copy of this along with Real Ultimate Power by Robert Hamburger, they go well together.