Customer Reviews

Always Talk to Strangers: 3 Simple Steps to Finding the Love of Your Life

5 star:		(20)
4 star:		(5)
3 star:		(4)
2 star:		(4)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

Wygant paints a promising picture for those navigating the landscape that is singledom and toward that end, he proferrs three fundamentals for overhauling your dating life: Preparation, When & Where to Meet People, and Making Contact. Wygant has little confidence in the possibility of meeting potential love interests in bars and clubs and instead advocates trying to meet people during your daily routine. The section on "Making Contact" is, really, the crux of the book and probably the most revealing and helpful among the three fundamentals. Wygant presents the material well and liberally adds anecdotes to emphasize or illustrate points. Although some (most?) of what Wygant presents is common sense (he indicates as much in a few parts of the book), his advice is worth heeding and -- I suspect -- will yield success not only in singledom but also in other areas of your life.

Normally, I would not dignify the so-called reviews of my book by BcWendel or Dave Badger by posting a response. However, when one spends two years of his life writing a book that two people wrote about, but obviously didn't read I have no choice but to set the record straight. Starting with Mr. Bc Wendell who says that my tips for a physical makeover sucked and were lame. The tips on the physical makeover section of the book are not meant to make everyone look the same. They are however a common sense guide to what is and what is not in style at the moment. I wonder exactly which style and hygiene tips Mr. Wendal takes issue with. Was it that we encourage people to clean their nails, remove long strands of hair from their ears and nose, discourage flashy diamonds and gaudy gold jewelry, or was it our disparaging remarks about the mullet.

Moving on-Mr. Wendel states that the parts about meeting people are "dumb." First, Mr. Wendel states that he has never known anyone to have gone on a blind date. According to New York Magazine over 43% of the people they've polled have been on blind dates as a single person. That's almost 1 in 2 people Mr. Wendel. As for online dating being a "horrible scam." Over 10 million single people a year use the internet now to meet new people to date. Personally, I know many couples who have met and married through internet dating sites. Internet dating is not a scam and is a healthy modern way for busy adults to meet other adults.

As for the dialogue for meeting people on the streets seeming fake-again, I wonder what Mr. Wendel takes issue with. Is it a mature adult man being able to walk up to a mature woman and say, "Hello. My name is BC Wendel. I saw you, thought you looked interesting and wanted to introduce myself?" If someone is too shy to make such a direct approach, we have provided alternatives such as the indirect approach whereby a person can ease into conversation by using their surroundings and environment. For instance, a man shopping in a supermarket can look at a woman holding a bag of coffee and say, "I tried that brand. It's good. However, if you haven't tried this brand, you should. It's great." By using the coffee as a prop, the man can easily segue into a conversation with the woman, and for those shy people out there, it is a good icebreaker.

Moving on to Mr. Dave Badger. Again, he goes to the Physical Makeover chapter where he states: "basically it says to find someone with good fashion sense to advise." The book's Physical Makeover section runs from page 37 to page 75 and is divided up into sections regarding Grooming, Personal Hygiene, and Fashion. Then, under each section, there are numerous subsections which go into a tremendous amount of detail about how to care for yourself and how to dress in way that never goes out of style. Although I respect Mr. Badger's opinion, I think he must have missed something. The Blind Dating section which Badger says simply says we say, "go on Blind dates" is also a fabrication. The Blind dating section begins on Page 81 and ends on page 95 and gives very detailed examples of how to initiate blind dates complete with dialogued scenarios. I don't know what book Mr. Badger was reading, but it sure wasn't mine. Badger goes on to say that "I expected more detail on starting a conversation with a stranger, but the best he can come up with is a few paragraphs with gems such as "Hi, you're beautiful" or "Say, that's a nice bracelet."" Page 95 to roughly 215 is filled with one example after another about how to meet new people to date. Numerous scenarios are given that people can use. They are there to jog the reader's creativity and can be used in similar situations. Tell a woman you see that she has a nice bracelet on her arm is a way to start a conversation with a stranger. It is a segue into other areas of conversation such as what is it made out of, where did she get it, does she like jewelry, where can I get one for my sisters birthday, does she like Italian jewelry or French jewelry, has she ever traveled to Italy or France, if so where has she stayed and what restaurants has she eaten in, if not would she like to go and what places has she traveled to. Asking a woman about her bracelet or complimenting her bracelet is just a way into a conversation-the rest is up to you. As for being no more insightful than your mom. He's right. Moms are filled with common sense. That is basically what I preach in this book-common sense. Unfortunately, in our modern world, common sense has been lost. Mr. Badger would like you to read "The System" by Roy Valentine. How sad that when it comes to meeting new people for love and passion people shun common sense and instead fall for deception and manipulation in books like The System or The Rules. Should words like system and love even be in the same sentence?

I am New York City-kinda girl living in New York City...it's virtually impossible to not meet someone in this city. There are kinds of places for all the kinds of people you want to meet. Clubs, bars, restaurants, museums, parks, subways, standing in one of the inevitable lines, street-corners(and, no, I am not alluding to the "professional" variety. But if that's your thing...). And up until a few years ago, I was doing all right. First, second and third dates were more then norm than the exception. Then came the end of school, working full time and studying for the bar exam. I got myself into a routine of leaving for work before the mad rush, leaving for home after the mad rush, eating lunch at my desk and eating dinner in bed before I went to sleep. I walked to and fro with my mind, eyes and ears buried in my iPod.

Then I happened upon ALWAYS TALK TO STRANGERS. For me, (I like to think) it wasn't so much a source of new tools, new avenues for meeting people. It was a reminder. A reminder to be proactive: walk to and fro with your head up, ears open and look at people. Smile at those who look back. Talk to the man who's in the same section of the books store, even if you have to ask him a question you already know the answer to. And being in New York, it's always easy to strike up conversation anywhere. For example, my last date was the result of "Someone forgot to take her medication this morning": my comment to an attractive man on the street corner about someone who was talking to "one of the friends" in her head.

My lesson from this book: Anytime, anywhere, anyplace...just speak up! It isn't about about finding your soul mate, it isn't about finding the love of your life. It's about the possibility of finding those things, and possibilities increase with each and every chance you take on the stranger standing next to you.

As a single woman in NYC, I find it becoming increasingly difficult to meet someone new in this city's "perpetual meat market". This is a town where many singles are in too much of a rush to get to the next place in their lives, or too wrapped up in the autonomous lifestyle of this great city to stop and take the time to meet new people. A girlfriend of mine had read about this book in the paper, and after we'd both tried "Hes Just Not That Into You" and felt let down by its blanket credo--we figured it was worth a shot.

I must say that ALWAYS TALK TO STRANGERS delivers on exactly what it promises. The book is filled with real life situations and anecodotes, plenty of honest advice, and useful tools such as checklists. It's a quick, easy and enjoyable read, and I was able to finish in a little over a day. Needless to say, I decided to "test" it out this morning...I went to my usual Starbucks by my office for my morning coffee and smiled at a cute guy on line behind me. The smile turned into a conversation, and the conversation turned into meeting for drinks later this week. It turns out that he works in my office building and has wanted to speak to me before, but didn't know how to break the ice...so I did it for him and it worked.

David Wygant and Bryan Swerling's book is a MUST read for any single person who feels lost in the world of so many people who seem so hard to meet. I'd recommend this book to every single one of my single friends. It's far different than anything else I have ever read.

The things I liked about this book:

Mostly encouraging, didn't lay heavy guilt on you for not being the next Brad Pitt, also many "attainable" anecdotes that got me thinking in a more social manner than I have in a while. Had some practical ideas, as well as just the overall good advice, delivered time and again in many different ways, to talk to people. I'm in Information Technology, not known for our social skills, and while I'd like to think once people get to know me they are charmed by my wit and winsome ways (I said I'd like to think it- I didn't say it was true), they never know me as more than that guy that walks around looking a little hacked off all the time unless there is some verbal interaction. It really was good at driving that point home, and also in getting one in the mindset to take risks and meet people. Time will tell, but I felt it more than worth my time and money. You can read it in a few hours, but it still has enough ideas to cover what it sets out to cover. It's not Dostoesvski, but it gets the job done.

Men, cut that mullet or trim that ponytail! (p. 42) Women, teased hair is out! (p. 41) (Just in case anyone has been asleep since the B-52s debuted or models her hair style from Gary Larson cartoons.) And not only does dating coach David Wygant tell daters to put a Q-tip in your ear, he gives you step-by-step instructions on p. 44. And, men and women, for goodness sake, trim that nose hair! (p. 49.)

Get the feeling the advice in this book is rather basic, common sense stuff? You're right. Granted, it's not all about grooming, although most of those tips are common sense as well. Advice includes how to: fill out internet profiles, start conversations with anyone (and gain the courage to do so), ask for phone numbers, and tell if someone's single. Hint - that wedding ring is a BIG clue (p. 158). But Wygant goes beyond the wedding ring to less obvious clues.

I have mixed feelings about the book. It's virtually all good advice, although I know happily married guys with ponytails. And there's none of the silly dating "play hard to get" Rules type of advice. I would think a lot of people will already know most of this stuff (although I've been on some dates from hell with guys who didn't). Anyway, here it is in one place to possibly serve as a motivator or refresher to someone who is just entering the dating scene or who has been out of it a while. It's a particularly good book for folks who are shy or who have difficulty starting conversations with the opposite sex. I suggest checking it out of the library first, lest you purchase this book only to find you knew about 98% of this stuff.

It always baffles me as to the complaints about dating books. Did anyone really think there was that one book that would open up the clouds with profound dating revelations? Yes, this is coming from someone that "surprisingly" isn't the author of the book or a planted review.

At any rate, Wygant's book isn't ground-breaking and that's the prime reason for the four star rating. However, for the remaining stars left, Wygant's book packs as much useful dating advice than most books out there. Always Talk to Strangers provides much common sense such as dressing well, smiling, and not being afraid to talk to people. However, it's the way Wygant goes about all of this that's helpful since many of us weren't born with common sense or taught half of these truths in junior high.

For me, the personal grooming/hygiene sections are extremely self-explanatory and for me useless. Sadly enough, I have more than a few friends that could take a solid look at this section.

Among the most helpful sections are where to meet women, props to use in conversation, and varying techniques to "close the deal" after you've been talking to a woman for a while. In addition, Wygant poses several different questions that you should ask yourself whenever approaching a woman that you fear rejection from. Furthermore, there are great sections on both internet dating and blind dating that are definitely useful.

Is a majority of this common sense? The first few sections on hygiene, grooming , physical/mental makeover, and dating myths are. However, the rest of the book had a lot of stuff I'd given little thought to or never thought of altogether. If you call that common sense, then so be it. However, most of Wygant's advice has definitely helped improve my perspective on dating/picking up women. For the price of $3-4 on Amazon Marketplace, what have you really got to lose?

-Travis.



update (8-3-08):

I read this book again just a couple of days ago on vacation and my comments remain largely the same. I disagree slightly on the internet portion of it though. I'm no stranger to the online dating game and the fact that David acts like gorgeous women are online in every city is simply not true. It's not true in Houston (one of the BIGGEST cities in the world), anyway. Maybe I'm not in the right age range for online dating yet, but hell I'm 22. How long does one have to wait? At any rate, most of what David says is very spot on in other areas, just don't get too psyched up about his Internet Boot Camp dating ideas.

This book is like a user's manual to life - it dissects the popular myths about dating, and provides unparalleled insight into how to not just meet people, but turn every meeting into a situation full of potential. The humorous but direct writing style is the perfect way to shake someone out of the dating doldrums and provide new direction for those of us tired of trying too hard to meet that perfect someone. This book makes it easier, and the authors should be thanked for that.

There are very few books I can say have actually changed my life, but this is definitely one of them. Wygant and Swerling have done a great service for all single guys who, like me, are less than completely extroverted and confident in their ability to approach women and ask them out. (There is much useful information for women as well, but to be fair I'd have to say on the whole the book is more helpful for men.)

I'm a moderately outgoing guy; I talk to women I meet here and there, but I've had a hard time converting that into "digits" -- i.e. getting phone numbers and actually going out on dates. Well, this book changed all that, or rather it gave me a roadmap to how to change it. I was on a several-year dating slump before I read this book, but since reading it I've been meeting a lot more women than ever before, and getting phone numbers and going out with them as well!

Have you ever had a friend who, when you were out with him, seemed to always run into women he knew, and was always striking up conversations with new women and sometimes going out with them? I had a buddy like that once, but I could never figure out what his secret was. Well, David Wygant is just like that guy, only he has laid it all out for us in simple terms, and then he kicks our collective butt to go DO IT! That is the real value of this book, I think. I've read other self-help/dating books that say you've got to be more outgoing, get out and do things you like (tennis, music, photography, whatever) and you'll meet people, etc. But this kind of vague advice never helped me much, because I never had a script in my head of exactly how to tell if someone was single and possibly interested, how to sense if the conversation was going well or, especially, how to "go for the close." This book gives you examples of what to say and how and when to say it, and this advice is incredibly useful to fall back on when you're there talking to someone of the opposite sex but can't think of what to say to get their phone number or ask them out. Yes, the lines may seem a little contrived or corny, but remember--communication is 75% nonverbal anyway. So just say SOMETHING -- even something corny. If you say it confidently and sincerely, even if you laugh at yourself for saying it, it's better than saying nothing and will probably net you a phone number. Wygant compels us to act -- just start talking to that attractive person of the opposite sex, before your brain's "monkey chatter," as he aptly puts it, can start giving you reasons not to talk.

You can find minor faults in any book, and this is no exception; for example, the fashion guide section is more geared toward your Manhattan bistro than a Tulsa C&W bar; some of the advice is more useful for men than women. But so what? When you read it, you take these things in context. Some other reviewers feel this book doesn't tell you anything that common sense or your Mom didn't already tell you. Well, that may be true. But then why are you still single? :-) Seriously, many times while reading the book I thought to myself, "of course that makes sense, I knew that"; but more often, it would be "of course that makes sense, how come I never thought of that before?!" Even though a lot of this is common sense and staring you right in the face, you can still ignore it or not act on it, and that's where this book is so helpful, in motivating you to actually go out and do what you need to do to meet more people and go on more dates.

Badger & Wendel's negative review were way off in my opinion. The book gives fairly detailed steps to take in Internet dating and, to a lesser extent, blind dating. The physical makeover advice isn't intended to make us all look the same; but you have to meet a certain set of minimum requirements in order for your appearance to be palatable to the opposite sex. I don't think Mr. Wygant even needed to dignify these reviews with a response, but in doing so he has contributed some more good advice to the single population out here. It isn't too often you find someone who wrote a book with the primary purpose not of selling books but of actually helping people. But I think Mr. Wygant has done just that, so for that he deserves thanks as well as 5 stars.

I bought this along with a few other self-help books, and this one was probably the most realistic. The overall tone is sincere but firm, which I think is a good thing especially with a sometimes delicate subject like dating and love. I think the title may be a little misleading, and perhaps a more fitting one would be along the lines of "Dating Advice for Nice People," but I guess I can't critique that since titles are supposed to catch your attention and well, I own the book now.

Like I mentioned, this is a good book for nice folks -- those of us who aren't exactly the flirtatious type. It really appeals to people like myself who have always thought "Well, it will happen when it happens" and are now in the mind frame of "I want to make it happen, now." While I can't say from first-hand experience that the advice and tips actually work, I can honestly say that they seem reasonable. I like how realistic he is about dating, and this book really put into perspective what it might be like to be "proactive" and ask a person out.

One thing I love about this book is that it warns against going to bars to find a date. For those of us who aren't that impressed with alcohol and don't see a get-together primarily based on the presence of booze appealing, this is a relief to read. He shows that it's possible to meet people in everyday places like the coffee shop, the movie theater and even the university library.

It's easy to read because the sections are divided to help you read what you want and pass over what you don't want to see. For example, I have no interest in online dating and getting set up on blind dates. It was easy to skip those parts because I just moved on to the chapter for meeting people on my own.

It's a good book. I actually read the whole book cover-to-cover (minus the two sections stated above) in one sitting and felt satisfied with what I had learned.