Customer Reviews

I Am My Mother's Daughter: Making Peace With Mom--Before It's Too Late

5 star:		(15)
4 star:		(6)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

I received this book in the mail this week. A "gift" from my mother, with whom I have had an impossible relationship since I was 8 years old. From her inscription, the gift was her attempt to "enlighten" me. I read the book cover to cover, and thought the stories were very touching, and can completely understand the writers' needs to make peace with their pasts. Unfortunately, I didn't find much enlightenment regarding the relationship with my own mother, whose advancing alcoholism, mental illness, and refusal to acknowledge same, make it impossible to sustain a peaceful, healthy relationship.

I called my mother to discuss the book, only to discover that she hasn't even read it! Obviously, her "gift" was just another attempt to manipulate and control through guilt.

That said, I think this book is very good if your relationship with your mother is less than close, and if both parties want to live in harmony. However, if your mother continues to attack your self-worth and self esteem, I highly recommend another title, Susan Forward's Toxic Parents. Some relationships are just toxic at the core, and thus, need not be repaired. You should not be made to feel guilty if you can't fix it before they pass away. It takes both parties to call a truce.

Iris Krasnow's newest book, 'I am My Mother's Daughter' is a MUST read for all women 18 - 75....or any adult woman with a mother. The healing quality of Ms. Krasnow's words are precious and necessary to all of us struggling to understand our mothers and ourselves.
If you take the time this year to read only one book, make it this one.

I am so glad I read this book. Reading about other women's relationships with their mothers and hearing Iris' personal story gave me a whole new outlook on my relationship with my mother. Thank goodness I found this book before it was too late. It has enabled me to let go of the past and start anew with my mom. I can't believe how easy it was to make that shift. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you to Ms. Krasnow and her brilliant work. And... I read it in one sitting! An absolute must read whether your mom is living or not.
Ellen

I admit to being a huge fan of the author, Iris Krasnow. Her writing speaks to the heart of all of us. You will be challenged to love and appreciate what you have and what you had. For better or for worse, YOUR mother is the only one you have. Make it count. No regrets. You will grow as a person and daughter. You will be inspired to become a better mother yourself. Read it now - before it's too late! Iris, this my be your best work to date! Thank you for blessing daughters everywhere!

This book is a beautiful piece of work. It contains interviews with women talking intimately and honestly about relationships with their Mother's. The women are different ages, different backgrounds and in various stages of healing in their relationships.
In reading this, it gives you a perspective that whatever you have experienced with your Mother, you are not alone in that experience, other women have been through similar, some have overcome hardships with feelings of anger and resentment and now have managed to forgive to experience beautiful close bonds that they never believed possible. Others still see-saw between annoyance and admiration, with some tips on how they are working through their issues and what works for them in dealing with feelings of irritation that arise. It is inspiring to be able to read the words of women at various stages of life.
The best thing about this book is that it is not written by one person with one opinion that may or may not be relevant to the reader's situation, it is written by many women beautifully collected and put together by the author and so there will be relevance to all readers within it's pages.
This book is life changing for all that seek to create a deeper bond with their Mother's - highly recommended.

This book could not have come at a better time for me. My mother is just weeks away from her death. I love this author. She writes in a very human, very real-life kind of way, which is hard to come by. A perfect book for any woman who is in midlife with a mother who is still alive (or not). I found reading other women's stories of their relationships with their mothers quite revealing and healing.

I bought this book as an early Mother's Day gift for my mom, as she was a big fan of Krasnow's last book, "Surrendering to Yourself." Now she can't quit raving about this one! I looked through the book and was impressed by Krasnow's thorough reporting -- it appears she talked in depth to dozens of women from all kinds of backgrounds. There's no doubt that it is a great resource for women trying to strengthen/restore relationships with their mothers.

As a baby boomer with an aging mother, I found this book a real comfort and inspiration. I discovered it while browsing my local library and will now buy my own copy, as there are many passages that I know I will re-read as my mother ages. As well, I will pass it on to my daughters as I age. The many backgrounds and relationships described in this book allow the author to illustrate a variety of ways to come to terms with the power and depth of the mother/daughter link. Each example, even when their experiences were far different from my own, gave me tidbits of wisdom and insight. And the way the author interweaves her own story is masterful. Wonderful book! I highly recommend it.

I heard Iris Krasnow interviewed on NPR and bought her book. I couldn't put it down. I've observed that most women I know seem to have difficulties with the relationships with their mothers and I find that interesting. There seems to be a lot of competition between mothers and daughters. Maybe it's also true with fathers and sons but I haven't observed that as often.

The book is very well written and the kind you don't want to end or to put down.

I lost my mother several years ago and find myself thinking about the relationship I had with her frequently. It was a good relationship but, as I say, most women I know have struggled with their relationship with their mothers.

My ex wife still has her mother, who's in her mid-eighties, but she's still not close to her and never has been. I sent her the book and told her to read it. She said: "I don't think I have the time." That pretty much sums up the relationships of many of the women I know with their mothers.

If you are lucky enough to still have your mother, I would most certainly recommend you read this book. And if you're lucky enough to still have your mother and have a good realationship with her, this book could very well help you appreciate it all the more.

The most important thing to know up front about this book is that it is not a self-help book. Krasnow does not outline how to reconcile your relationship with your mother, but the advice is loud and clear: DO IT BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE. Krasnow interviewed over a hundred middle aged women about their relationships with their aging and ailing mothers. This book is a compilation of poignant stories about both the agony and the bliss of being our mothers' daughters. Krasnow's message is a simple, yet powerful:

"I challenge every midlife daughter to consider this: What good is this old hate doing for you, for her, for your children, for your spouse, for anyone else you know? Letting go of hating your mother is actually more selfish than selfless. Because you just may find, as I did when shaken awake after my mom lost her leg, that the woman who bore you still has a lot to teach you about courage and commitment and growing up at any age. Don't miss out on the final act - it's the best part of all in the mother-daughter show. Listen hard and spill all while your aging mother is present and when change is still possible. I'm asking every question I was afraid to ask and talking very fast as my mother's short term memory is fading. Closing the wounds takes backing off from a stubborn stand-off, sucking it up, and saying 'I'm sorry,' even if you're not sorry one bit. Who cares if you are right and your mother is wrong? It won't matter when she's dead. What matters is coming to a resolution, smoothing things out - now. Your mother will win anyhow, when she passes into heavenly peace while you are left behind simmering in guilt and rage. Making up in this lifetime makes you the winner. You get to reap the benefits of closure in the final chapter, rather than being stuck agonizing over what could have been had you worked harder on rewriting the ending (pps. 140-141)."

This book will provide motivation to take action toward making things right and accepting your mother for who she is and making peace. It does not, however, provide the tools you may need to accomplish that goal. If you are estranged from your mother and would like to reconnect and reconcile I recommend the books I Thought We'd Never Speak Again: The Road from Estrangement to Reconciliation and Healing From Family Rifts : Ten Steps to Finding Peace After Being Cut Off From a Family Member. If you are already on speaking terms, but need help getting past all the muck I highly recommend the books Making Peace With Your Mom: Steps to a Healthier Mother-Daughter Relationship and A Daughter's Journey Home: Finding a Way to Love, Honor, and Connect with Your Mother.