Customer Reviews

America Unzipped: In Search of Sex and Satisfaction

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America has been conflicted about sexuality for a long while. Europeans for decades have been amused by how we can be sending titillating movies over there, but remain shy about, say, discussing condoms in school. According to Brian Alexander, although we are currently a "hypersexual culture", we are "also supposed to be in the middle of a new Great Awakening" with the Bible, canon law, and "traditional values" triumphing over the past few decades of hedonism. Alexander has looked at the contradiction from a unique vantage. He had a column at _Glamour_ magazine answering letters from readers, and the letters were often about sex, and the letters about sex were often about unusual practices. "I am interested in bondage," asked one, "and hear that there are secret bondage clubs." "I hear Paris Hilton is into fisting," said another; "How do you do it?" Alexander tried to make sense out of the dissonance. Wild sex seemed to be a common interest among regular people, but at the same time it was happening within a country that had experienced what he calls "a freak-out over the possible baring of Janet Jackson's nipple. (I still can't make it out, and believe me, I've tried.)." So rather than merely reading about what people were doing, Alexander set out to see for himself, resulting in an online series and now a book, _America Unzipped: In Search of Sex and Satisfaction_ (Harmony Books). "I have been preoccupied with sex since I was a boy," he says in a confession that will surprise no one. Everyone is interested in sex, and everyone is curious about what those other people are doing, the curiosity coming from either healthy inquisitiveness or prurient nosiness or puritan eagerness to put an end to it. Readers will be pleased to find lots of sex in Alexander's book, but not much of the "vanilla" kind. There is an appropriate tone of wide-eyed amusement throughout, and a thoughtful examination of America's current version of sexual paradox.

To start out with, the "traditional values" as promulgated by the Bible crowd don't turn out always to be so traditional. Alexander interviews Joe Beam, a Christian preacher who is determined to tell every conservative evangelical group who will have him just how delightful and important sex needs to be. Of course, he means sex between husband and wife, but it is news to his hearers, for instance, that God condones oral sex, even though it must be within marriage. Beam can cite verses from the Song of Solomon as affirmation. He gets asked sometimes, "What does the Bible say about vibrators?" Not much, it seems, so Beam endorses their use, and even has a recommended model. Perhaps Beam isn't changing a lot of minds, but the internet surely is. A woman with a spanking fetish had no idea that's what she had until she typed "spanking" into a search engine. "I knew then I was not the only one," she says. Beyond watching porn, there are internet support groups for any sexual activity you can think of, and many you will find in _America Unzipped_ that you would never have thought of. The support might come from enthusiasts over the internet, but it also means that via Craig's List or AdultFriendFinder you can easily hook up physically with those who want to do what you want to be done. Again and again as Alexander visits dungeons or porn studios, he finds that there may be metal hooks in the ceiling, cattle prods being charged, and plenty of rope at the ready, but the atmosphere is friendly, congenial, even "family". A woman who talks about a meeting called Fetish Con sounds as if she is "talking up a small-town bowling league, just a bunch of people with a common interest getting together for good clean fun, a little knot-tying, and some dress-up."

Alexander has lots of adventures. He trains to be a salesman in a sex shop, the sort that is no longer dark and seedy. He accompanies a top saleswoman for Passion Parties, the Tupperware-style parties for vibrators, oils, and lubricants. He takes a bondage class. He watches porn being made. It's a wild sex world out there, and he has talked at length to the inhabitants, some of whom are very strange indeed. But in an important summary he says, "None of these people were scary. They are you and me and our neighbors." Young people involved are getting information from plenty of sources, including the ubiquitous internet, and are finding that schools and churches do not give useful or accurate information about sex. For them and their elders interviewed here, "Sex is not a moral issue, a religious issue, or a political issue. It is a personal issue." No one here expressed any shame about being different; "No one else's business" is the simple and practical attitude. There is a great deal of trust within the play groups, and lots of careful communication about what's wanted and what's permitted, and this can be no bad thing. Maybe, as Alexander contemplates at the end, taboos become mainstream and then kitschy, and thus lose their rebellious transgressiveness, and so maybe the explosion of kink he has explored has gone as far as it can. It is clear, though, that people are not about to give up these particular sources of entertainment and satisfaction. Even if you aren't a participant, you can find entertainment and satisfaction throughout the chapters of Alexander's recounting of a unique and amusing journey.

I'm a sometime reader of Brian Alexander's Sexploration column on MSNBC, which I've always found to be pleasantly playful and frank--a welcome departure from the moralizing and sidelining of sex one sees so frequently. When I saw that Alexander had written a book on his sexual odessey across the United States, my interest was piqued. I'm pleased to say that he lived up to my expectations with America Unzipped. It is clear that the author attempted to provide a truthful portrait of sex in this country: a broad sampling of erotic tastes and cultural groups are represented and Alexander succeeds in remaining largely unbiased in his depiction, barring a few pointed quips.

While I expect many readers will find certain aspects of the book a bit shocking, sensationalism is (thankfully) not the spirit of this work. For my part, I was already familiar with the majority of the sexual penchants and activities discussed, but still the book was highly engaging for me. Alexander's biggest success is in revealing the human side of all things sexual, from the commonplace to the esoteric, and ultimately showing that people--whatever floats their respective boats--are more alike than they are different. The characters portrayed in the book are vibrant and generally sympathetic, regardless of the reader's views on their erotic undertakings. Fans of adult media (especially BDSM) will be treated to a candid glimpse at some of the men and women of the industry, although a majority of the characters in America Unzipped are everyday people.

The author also goes beyond simple illustration and offers his analysis and insight into the sexual climate of American culture: where we are, where we're headed, and why. He places public perception of sex in America alongside the reality, with interesting results. Alexander delivers his observations with admirable honesty and refreshing humor. If you're interested in sex and American culture, you'd be doing yourself a disservice to pass up this book.

The book is divided into 9 chapters, each focused on a different aspect of non-conventional sexuality, such as BDSM and swinging. It's not suprising that Brian Alexander is a contributing editor for "Glamour" magazine because his chapters seem more like extended magazine articles than top quality non-fiction writing.

Part of the problem is the writer's own reluctance to embrace the sexual communities that he is coming into contact with. He is constantly making references to his days as a Catholic altar boy and the guilt about sex that he continues to experience. This might have been interesting in the hands of a more capable writer. But Alexander's comments aren't insightful enough to make him seem anything besides confused when it comes to sex and the people he is meeting.

Any comparisions to Sallie Tisdale's groundbeaking "Talk Dirty To Me" are way off the mark. Tisdale clearly had a sex-positive perspective while writing about America's hypocritical and puritanical approach to sexuality. Meanwhile, Alexander just seems bewildered and with nothing new to say. Of course, the subject matter will be inherently interesting to those curious about sexual experimentation. But I would look for a better written book instead.

America Unzipped is the story of one man's cross-country travels in search of America's sex culture. What he finds may surprise some, but most likely it will sound normal to most. And that is the point of the book. What used to be America's sex sub-culture, is now mainstream and practiced by folks of all walks of life. It's interesting how people describe themselves, in that most are proud republicans who attend church regularly, but still frequent sex toy shops and engage in less-than-monogamous relationships. This book is an exploration to determine just how widespread this former sub-culture really is. Has it expanded so much that it is now considered the norm? What brought about this sudden change...the internet? The people the author meets have opinions of their own, but its the collection of their experiences that helps shed light on the subject and may offer some answers to these questions.

Brian Alexander's America Unzipped: In Search of Sex and Satisfaction is one of the most informative and entertaining books about sex that I've had the pleasure of reading. Alexander set out on a journey to explore the sexual mores and activities of middle America. Do "normal" Americans behave conservatively in the bedroom, or do they indulge in wild sexual expressions -- even activities their neighbors and pastors might brand as "deviant" or "perverted"?

Please read my full review at http://betterthanieverexpected.blogspot.com/2008/05/america-unzipped-brian-alexander-pulls.html

Joan Price
Author of Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk About Sex After Sixty

Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk About Sex After Sixty

This is an interesting read that takes a look at sex in America through the view point of many different ordinary people. The book crosses the country, so it doesn't convey a regional bias, and the author stays mostly impartial, so doesn't pass judgement on either the religious preachers with whom he meets or the sex club participants. Don't expect to be shocked by the book, nor learn any amazing secrets or facts. It looks at ordinary people (for the most part) doing what is ordinary to them (but perhaps not for all readers), that are involved in various aspects of expression of sexuality. But it covers a mix of situations and how people react to them, and that is the heart of what is interesting about the book.

As an individual with friends from the far "right" to the far "left", I can tell you that this book pulls no punches and tells it exactly like it is. We all have that "personification" that we want the general public to see, but only our close friends and confidants know how we are behind closed doors. This book gives us a picture as to the attitudes and activities that are taking place behind those closed doors! We really aren't that conservative...we just don't want others knowing it!

I enjoyed the 2/3rd's or so of this book. Very interesting. The last 1/3rd not so much. Too many pages spent on SMBD for me. But if that's your thing it may be your favorite part. Overall the book let me wanting more of the other topics. I suppose I have to recommend it if the subject of sex interests you.