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Both my wife and I have gone through the anguish of our parents' divorces, so this book cried out to be read. The title, the cover, and the premise hooked us. Jen Abbas's wise words soothed us.

"Generation Ex" is more than a book for adult children of divorce. It's a book for life's wounded. It deals with God's redemption in the midst of heartache and loss. Chapter after chapter provide tidbits for forgiveness and moving on. Abbas's own restraint is commendable; she never lashes out or picks sides in her own family's upheaval. This is exemplary, but it also made it difficult for me to connect with the book at times. Perhaps dealing with these matters in a straightforward manner is best, yet if felt occasionally a bit clinical. Toward the end, the book seems weighted heavily for those who are considering marrriage in the light of their own parents' struggles. This makes the book particularly important for single adults.

Jen, thanks for sharing your own life and pain with us, and for doing so without bitterness. Thanks for bringing a sense of hope to those who have known despair.

I found that the most powerful parts of this book are about the author's life, including the poem about divorce Jen Abbas wrote at age 18, a letter from her father when she was six, and her heart-breaking memories of her parents' divorce and her mother's and stepdad's breakup. I read this book as a divorced parent--rather than as a child of divorce--and was touched by the author's emotional honesty. I didn't agree with some of the author's all-encompassing generalizations about how children of divorce have trouble forming relationships. However, I think this is an important book for divorced parents as well as children of divorce. Not only does Abbas provide children of divorce with a positive message about the need to move beyond past hurts and embrace the possibility of a happy future. She gives divorced parents great advice about how to treat their children: Don't lean on them emotionally, don't bad-mouth the "other" parent and don't insist your kids spend every vacation visiting all their "houses." Thanks to the author for her bravery and honesty!

This book is about adult children of divorce, and the issues that they face when they grow up. I found this book helpful because I'm an adult child of divorce. I could relate to a lot of what the book said. There was some helpful information about having that sense of belonging, finding a home, finding peace, letting go of resentment, relating to your parents today, and how you can create that intact family by working with your own spouse. This book was not a parent bashing book, but a book about forgiveness, realizing that your parents are human, and that although you can't change what happened in the past, you can find ways to make your life work so that you can move on from the past.

"Think about it. If you glue two pieces of wood together and then pull them apart, it is impossible to make a clean break. As children, we were the glue that bonded our parents together. When they divorced, they may have thought they made a clean break, but we are the splintered remains of their parting."

Remember the line from a popular Tom Cruise movie, "You had me at hello"? Well Jen Abbas grabbed my attention on the first page with her direct, yet friendly style. She makes no apologies for her topic, the pain it may cause to take a deep look inward, or her Biblical frame of reference.

The quote above is the framework for her thoughts. Whether your experience is one of an amicable parting or one that was very tumultuous, as children we were affected. Now, as adults, how do we process the pain, understand how it has shaped us, collect the "splintered remains" and move forward as healthy, whole people? This is the journey Jen Abbas takes us on.

Writing from her own experience and that of hundreds of other adult children of divorce, Miss Abbas presents concrete areas of dysfunction that can manifest in us as adult children of divorce. But, she doesn't leave us there. Each chapter exposes a new piece of baggage with its "effect" and the "hope" of moving forward without it. The chapters present testimonies of the ways the unhealthy piece of luggage has affected others, the components that make up the general dysfunction, and ultimately the hope we find in realizing that as adults, we can choose how we move forward.

Many books dealing with emotional trials present the issues, illustrate the struggles, offer polite advise, and still leave us feeling somehow immobilized. At the end of each chapter Jen Abbas offers practical tools to help us get unstuck and move forward -- word, reflect, challenge, read.

Word: this is a Bible verse that addresses the struggle outlined in the chapter and that gives hope and Godly counsel.

Reflect: these are a series of questions that, if taken seriously, are tools to help you dig deeper into your own situation and understand your own tendencies.

Challenge: this is an action you can take to promote your forward momentum.

Read: this is a list of other resources dealing with the chapter's topic.

If you've prayed, forgiven and tried to forget and move on but you still feel lonely in a crowd, unsure of yourself, unable to make long-term commitments, Abbas brings the good news that these are probably not character flaws but manifestations of coping behaviors learned through the trauma of your parents divorce/s, and once you understand their origin, you can begin to overcome and move on.

Even if your parents never divorced this book offers keen insights to the dynamics every family experiences and the effects those dynamics can have on each of us as adults.

Anyone who has parents can benefit from the wisdom Jen Abbas presents in this great book. I highly recommend it. (Review as it appeared in the Spring 2007 edition of Christian Family magazine.)

A poem, written when the author was 18, starts the book by describing her parents' divorce as resembling an earthquake, rumbling with rage, anger and guilt that have been festering for a long time.

This powerful poem tells you Generation Ex will be a painful ride toward much-needed healing for adult children of divorce.

The author said: When it came to love and my own adult relationships, what I wanted so desperately (love) was what I feared the most. I didn't want to repeat what my parents did.

Abbas wrote the book not to revisit "the divorce," but to give other adult children of divorce permission to admit it hurt and to give us hope so we can choose to begin to heal that hurt.

Written from the Christian perspective, the author tells the lesson God has whispered to her was that she was no longer the victim of her parents' past. She is God's precious child with a future full of promise in her relationships. And so are you! We don't always know why our God allows us to experience pain, but we can be confident that He has a plan.

This message is about deep pain that led to her healing--and by following in her guided footsteps, your healing can begin too. Some of her chapters are: Make Peace; Redefine Our Family Relationships; Find Home for Ourselves; Seek Wholeness; Learn to Trust; Anticipate Our Triggers; Create Our Own Marriage Model; and Choose to Love. The book has four appendixes of "things to do."

Armchair Interviews says: If you have felt any hurt from a parents' divorce, this book is for you. It is a gift waiting for you to open and explore, learn from and work toward healing. Her advice, resources and message are invaluable.

I looked into this book when the title caught me eye. My parents recently divorced after thirty some years of marriage, and me in my thirties. As the author states in her book, not much is written for adult children of divorcing parents. The book is actually more geared toward kids whose parents divorced when they were young and they have now grown into adults. However, much of what the author writes is still relevant to those like me, whose parents divorced when they were adults.

I cannot begin to express the pain that divorce brings on a child - a child of ANY age. Though parents also face pain in divorce, that which a child edures is vastly different and for life. Often, parents "move on" and expect children to also - completely missing what that entails for the child. Each divorce situation is unique and the pain felt by children is unique, yet we all long for someone to identify with us and understand. This book does so. I believe this book also helps those who are not children of divorce to better understand and be able to empathize with those who are. The book has greatly helped my husband understand my sorrow,emotion, and struggles.

This book was a wonderful source of comfort to me, in that it did help me identify why I was feeling certain pain, as well as identify with my pain, letting me know that what I'm experiencing is normal. The book helped me feel acceptable in placing boundaries in my current situation and in beginning to walk the path of healing. I've underlined and highlighted so many passages my book is a sea of yellow. I absorbed the needed relief and encouragement in less than a few days.

If you are a child of divorce - get the book "0)

Jen just spoke at my church this morning. I have not read the book yet, though and intend on doing so shortly. Jen spoke about how she dealt with the pain and how her it is important for parents to understand that divorce is not a closed subject. It effects children for years and decades to come. She touched on the subject about how important it is for those children to see healthy marriage models as their own view may be broken and distorted. Jen was a wonderful speaker and her growth as a christian showed as she spoke about her parents divorce at the age of 6 and her parents remarriages. Definently recomended

I have specialized in providing professional education and therapy to divorced, courting, and re/wedded couples since 1981. I am (a) 66, (b) a stepgrandson, stepson, and ex-stepfather and stepbrother, (c) an invited Board member of the Stepfamily Association of America, (d) a contributing editor to 'Your Stepfamily Online,' and (e) the author of six personal-growth and family-relations books.

I recommend this book to readers who want to increase their surface awareness of the typical personal impacts of parental divorce in a Christian context. I do not recommend the book for readers who want to reduce the wounds from the low-nurturance childhood that usually precedes legal or psychological parental divorce.

Like most authors focusing on divorce-prevention, recovery, and (re)marriage, Jen Abbas seems unaware of the effects of four vital factors:

1) the origin and impacts of six psychological wounds from childhood (vs. divorce). Most divorced parents and children appear to be significantly wounded - and don't (want to) know it;

2) the origin and impacts of blocked grief in adults and kids, and how to spot and reduce it;

3) typical adults' unawareness of, and/or indifference to, (a) normal personality formation, composition, and function; (b) keys to high-nurturance families and relationships, (c) effective communication skills, and (d) healthy 3-level grief.

In my clinical experience, these factors will combine to ptrrevent most people from following heartfelt advice such as Abbas offers her readers. For example, "learn how to trust" is a legitimate suggestion - and most children of divorce will be unable to *do* that, unless they work at harmonizing the combative, reactive parts of their personality.

For more perspective, see these these articles:

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Horrible! The book was obviously written by a women who had a major axe to grind and she needs some professional therapy. I felt sorry for her as I listened to the book. She lumped all divorced people into the same category, and made insulting generalities about parents who divorce. I divorced, but I did so to protect my children from their father's abuse (that I did not know was going on). I very much resented being talked about in her book, like I was selfish for divorcing.

I threw the book away. I would have loved to have passed it on to others who had adult children of divorce who were struggling, but I honestly thought that the book would do damage, so I threw it away!

I would not recommend for anyone to read it. If your adult kids are messed up from your divorce, this book will only mess them up farther.