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An Asperger Marriage Paperback – January 17, 2002

11 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

Review

This fascinating book is a joint venture between Gisela and Chris. They have each written frankly of their own perceptions of their marriage and reflect with great sensitivity on the impact which Asperger's syndrome has had on their 12 years of living together. It is likely to be of particular interest to those involved in marital counselling. 'If you are looking for a sensitive and enlightening insight into an 11-year-old marriage between a man diagnosed with Asperger's and his long-suffering wife, look no further than this excellent book... the heartening message is that, despite the immense obstacles - both within the marriage and from the lack of facilities available - here is a couple that have managed to go a long way towards bridging that "yawning chasm". -- Looking UP [When] one partner has Asperger syndrome, making the diagnosis can be problematic, but giving advice on coping and understanding the condition is even more problematic. That is why reading Chris and Gisela's book was so fascinating and helpful.They do not pretend that it is easy, but their factual information with some poignant yet amusing anecdotes make this an enjoyable, as well as informative, book to read. I would highly recommend the book for couples where one partner has Asperger syndrome and for professionals, not only those working in this field, but anyone who works with people with relationship difficulties. It is definitely on my list of recommended reading. -- Communication A humane and tender book...Chris's writing itself has done more to explain to me what Asperger syndrome involves than any 'description' I have previously read...The book is hopeful without being soppy and brave without being boastful. -- Open Mind This book is the first to examine a successful marriage from both perspectives and provides knowledge that will be of value, not only to similar couples and individuals with Asperger Syndrome who are considering a relationship, but also the organizations that support relationships. -- from the foreword by Tony Attwood This book is the first of its kind and is an essential read for couples, parents and professionals involved or interested in gaining a deeper understanding into the uncharted territory of Asperger marriages. -- Maxine Aston, Relate Trainer and Couple Counsellor specialising in relationships affected by Asperger Syndrome and author of 'The Other Half of Asperger Syndrome'. A very readable book, pastors may welll find it helpful for their own understanding, but also as a resource to pass on to couples concerned for their autistic child, as also to people suffering from this particular disability. -- Ministry Today This is a book of real value to people with a personal experience of AS and one which will also be reassuring to parents of children diagnosed with AS. I would particularly recommend it as a quick read to both social and health care professionals who are involved in making assessments, trying to understand the 'person' and attempting to enable people with AS to achieve their own aspirations. -- Professional Social Work Magazine

About the Author

Gisela and Chris Slater-Walker have been partners for eleven years. Both gained BA (Hons) in Russian Studies from Manchester University. Gisela is an English teacher at Aylesbury High School, and Chris works in the computer industry.
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 160 pages
  • Publisher: Jessica Kingsley Pub; 1 edition (February 15, 2002)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1843100177
  • ISBN-13: 978-1843100171
  • Product Dimensions: 6.1 x 0.4 x 9.2 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 9.1 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 3.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (11 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #333,657 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

72 of 76 people found the following review helpful By William McNeill on January 14, 2003
Format: Paperback
First comment: Flog the editor. Perhaps the cumbersome and confusing writing-style was intentional; however, I fear that it was merely sloppy.
Second comment: Having AS myself, I was hoping for insights into coping and avoiding pitfalls. Instead, what I got was a chronicle of another couple's fumbles, stumbles and misunderstandings. I suppose the book lived up to its title; it never promised that it contained solutions or recommendations, merely that it was about An Asperger Marriage. I am still surprised by Tony Attwood's endorsement of this book.
Summary: If you want a peak into the lives of one "Asperger Marriage", this book may be for you. If, on the other hand, you're looking for advice and guidance, keep looking. (and let me know when you find it!)
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40 of 43 people found the following review helpful By neamhní on January 3, 2003
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
My partner and I are both on the autistic spectrum, and we've been buying a number of books to help us be aware of the potential pitfalls we may face in our relationship. While "Asperger Marriage" is an interesting account of a couple in which one partner is autistic and the other is not, it should not be thought of as the type of "self-help" book that my girlfriend and I thought it was. Rather, those in such relationships would do better to regard it as an example of possible difficulties they themselves may be facing in their relationships, not as a source of guidance on how to address and overcome those difficulties. Provided the reader enters into the reading with that in mind, "Asperger Marriage" is a worthwhile book for those in similar relationships.
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Format: Paperback
I must concur with my fellow Aspies on this title. It should be called How To Have An Abusive Relationship With An Aspie, pure and simple. Gisela Slater-Walker ought to get on her knees every night and thank the stars she is not married to someone like me, because not all Aspies can be cruelly dominated over as she does with her husband. Living for over twenty years with abuse from family, schoolteachers, and doctors that can all be in some way linked to undiagnosed AS does not make for the kind of man who responds to having dishes thrown at walls near him with just a change in expression. That's an in-joke, by the way.

The implication is also made that Asperger's Syndrome prevents one from having an understanding relationship with another human being. This, as my past two girlfriends whom I have just spoken with on this subject can testify, is one half bull, and the other half... well, you get the idea. Sure, it takes a bit more work than it does for those who take their understanding of social cues for granted, but that does not make it impossible. [...]

This book is such a joke that you can tell the difference between a normie and an Aspie with one simple test. Aspies would not give this book more than two stars.
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22 of 26 people found the following review helpful By Iris Gray on January 31, 2007
Format: Paperback
This book, quite frankly, encourages people married to Asperger people to abuse their Asperger partner. It is a step-by-step guide on how to abuse a spouse and get away with it.

In the book Gisela admits quite openly that she knows her husband Chris has Asperger's Syndrome, but she also says that she does not want to know anything about Asperger's. She doesn't want to know why her husband behaves the way he does.

In the book it is obvious Gisela abuses Chris and has brainwashed him into believing that everything is his fault. If she's a messy housekeeper, he says that it's his fault because he has Aperger's. If she throws away some of his personal possessions, he's afraid that she will get mad at him for it, even though she is the one who threw them away.

When Gisela is angry, she will not tell Chris why she is angry. Instead, she yells and screams, even though she knows that this will disturb him (becaues persons with Asperger's have very sensitive hearing) and throws dishes at the wall.

This book is not at all helpful to people who have Asperger's or to their spouses. I gave it to my partner to read, and he agreed; he did not find anything in there that has any relevance to our relationship.
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful By chris Young on February 5, 2014
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
This is an excellent book in that it makes people in similar situations feel like they're not alone. I think my criticism of the book is that Christopher is always portrayed as the one with a disability or shortcoming. Aspergers is not a disability, it's just a different way of seeing the world - a different way to be wired. Aspies reading need to be careful not to buy into this message. NTs reading need to be careful that they don't develop a superior or patronising attitude.
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13 of 16 people found the following review helpful By K. Schloss on December 14, 2008
Format: Paperback
A terrific book for spouses of someone with Asperger's Syndrome! "Self-help" begins only when one understands the difficult, often heartbreaking situation of trying to share a life with an "Aspie." This book provides a window into the frustration and self-doubts that can result when one is married to a husband with Asperger's, as I have been for twenty years.
Thank you, Gisela and Chris!
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