An Unquenchable Thirst: A Memoir [Hardcover]

Mary Johnson (Author)

Book Description

Release date: September 13, 2011

NAMED ONE OF THE BEST BOOKS OF THE YEAR BY KIRKUS REVIEWS

An unforgettable spiritual autobiography about a search for meaning that begins alongside one of the great religious icons of our time and ends with a return to the secular world
 
At seventeen, Mary Johnson saw Mother Teresa’s face on the cover of Time and experienced her calling. Eighteen months later, she entered a convent in the South Bronx to begin her religious training. Not without difficulty, this bright, independent-minded Texas teenager eventually adapted to the sisters’ austere life of poverty and devotion, and in time became close to Mother Teresa herself.

Still, beneath the white and blue sari beat the heart of an ordinary young woman facing the struggles we all share—the desire for love and connection, meaning and identity. During her twenty years with the Missionaries of Charity, Sister Donata, as she was known, grappled with her faith, her sexuality, the politics of the order, and her complicated relationship with Mother Teresa. Eventually, she left the church to find her own path—one that led to love and herself.

Provocative, profound, and emotionally charged, An Unquenchable Thirst presents a rare, privileged view of  Mother Teresa. At the same time, it is a unique and magnificent memoir of self-discovery.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

A Look Inside Unquenchable Thirst

A note from Mother Teresa to the author	The author and her sisters listening to Mother Teresa after Profession	The author with her family and Mother Teresa after professing her vows
Theauthor with the first group of novices on their profession day		Washing clothes by hand

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Review

“A candid, generous, and profound spiritual memoir that deserves a great deal of thoughtful discussion.”—Anne Rice
 
“A wonderful achievement . . . Johnson opens the window on a horizon of spiritual questions [and] takes an unflinching look inside her own heart.”—The Christian Science Monitor
 
“An incredible coming-of-age story . . . [It] has everything a memoir needs: an inside look at a way of life that most of us will never see, a physical and emotional journey, and suspense.”—Slate
 
“Reads like a novel . . . an exacting account of a woman growing into her own soul.”—More magazine
 
“Engaging, heartfelt and entertaining . . . [Johnson] articulates her struggles with her God in words that will hit home.”—Los Angeles Times
 
“An inspiration that transcends any particular religious belief . . . An Unquenchable Thirst is a journey that captivates, but its resonance lies in the life examined.”—The Denver Post

“Readers . . . will find themselves transported into another world by this powerful, revealing memoir. An aspirant to the Missionaries of Charity at age nineteen, the author spent twenty years living a life both extraordinarily simple and heart-wrenchingly complex. Johnson skillfully demonstrates this juxtaposition through her writing—mundane events, such as gathering eggs or learning to play the piano, often have tragic or miraculous implications. . . . [Johnson’s] memoir is exceptional.”—Kirkus Reviews (starred review)
 
“Johnson brings readers close to her story, showing her triumphs and temptations, limning characters as compelling as those in any novel. . . . Her mesmerizing account of trying to orbit the sun that was Mother Teresa vividly captures a life in turmoil.”—Booklist (starred review)
 
“Eloquent and moving . . . an extraordinary testament to the enduring power of love—beyond faith and dogma. It reminds us of why we are here: to love and live fully, to be curious about all things, and to live a compassionate—and passionate—authentic life.”—Mira Bartók, author of The Memory Palace
 
“A heartfelt, personal story of the gradual awakening of a person who comes to see that preferring the human to the perfect does not alienate her from authentic spirituality but allows her to live more fully.”—Kathleen Norris, author of The Cloister Walk
 
“Opening up the soul’s deep core on the page is always an act of bravery. Mary Johnson is bravery writ large. She writes expertly about the myths and misperceptions of women’s religious vocations and the sacred validity of human intimacy.”—Breena Clarke, author of Stand the Storm

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 526 pages
• Publisher: Spiegel & Grau; First Edition edition (September 13, 2011)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0385527470
• ISBN-13: 978-0385527477
• Product Dimensions: 6.4 x 1.5 x 9.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 2 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (125 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #94,838 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #90 in Books > Christian Books & Bibles > Ministry & Church Leadership > Church Institutions & Organizations

More About the Author

As a teenager, Mary Johnson thought she was on her way to a career as a thinker and communicator, when she spotted Mother Teresa's eyes on the cover of Time Magazine. After reading her story, Mary felt God calling her. For twenty years, as Sister Donata, Mary Johnson was a Missionary of Charity, a nun in Mother Teresa's order, until she left in 1997. Mother Teresa professed that she had "promised to give Saints to Mother Church", but a life pursuing humility, poverty, love and obedience wasn't easy. Mary Johnson's book, "An Unquenchable Thirst", is the memoir of her life as a Missionary of Charity, and a story of her search for love, service, and an authentic life.

Today Mary is a respected teacher and public speaker. She has been named a Fellow of the MacDowell Colony and is on the board of the A Room of Her Own Foundation. She lives in New Hampshire with her husband.

For more information, please visit: www.maryjohnson.co

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

94 of 103 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars Good insight into a spiritual journey June 11, 2011

By K. Blaine VINE™ VOICE

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Vine™ Review (What's this?)

"An Unquenchable Thirst" is a memoir of the twenty years that Mary Johnson, a young woman from Texas, spent in the Missionaries of Charity, the order begun by Mother Teresa of Calcutta. Entering the convent at age 19, Mary found herself in a community steeped in pre-Vatican II spirituality. Spiritual practices one associates more with the Middle Ages, such as wearing chains and whipping oneself nightly, were commonplace. One was expected to give oneself over totally to the will of one's superiors, and novices were taught that to question the superior or the Church was to question God. As the author tells it, mind control was practiced by those in authority, all in the name of fidelity to God. Inevitably, shame, guilt, and even mental illness followed. Most of the young women in Mary's class could not live under such conditions and left the order, but Mary and one other in her class remained.

An intelligent and compassionate person, Mary was sent to study in Rome, where she excelled. At the conclusion of her studies, she was put in charge of a group of novices, a job she handled well despite her own growing doubts and awakening sexuality. Pursued by an aggressive younger nun to whom she was attracted, Mary experienced sexual feelings for the first time. Knowing that she has violated her vow of chastity, Mary turns to her confessor, a sympathetic young priest with whom she eventually falls in love. Because the sisters are discouraged from having human friendships, it is difficult for Mary to tell the difference between the simple need for human connection and more complicated sexual attraction.

At the same time, a political coup was underway in the community.... The ultra-conservative and anti-intellectual first and second councillors managed to have all the sisters who were studying at Rome's Regina Mundi university removed under the pretext that a priest there was teaching doctrine contrary to Church law on abortion. This is the last straw for Mary, and she requests a leave of absence, to the shock of everyone in the community, including Mother Teresa, who herself urges Mary to stay.

This memoir is amazingly detailed, and although the author admits that conversations are not verbatim, they have the ring of truth. I kept wondering if Mary had kept a journal or diary during her time in the community. I was also struck by the fact that Mary never excuses herself when she makes a mistake or does the "wrong" thing; indeed, I think she is far too hard on herself. That said, at 539 pages, the book is overlong and could have used a good editor. Still, it kept me interested. I was happy that Mary eventually found joy in marriage and career outside the community. I was also interested in the fuller portrait of Mother Teresa, who emerges as a more complex human being with great sanctity but also human flaws and blind spots.

Readers who are interested in a look into Mother Teresa's Missionaries of Charity will enjoy this book, though some may be dismayed if they view Mother Teresa and her order as perfect. Likewise, very conservative readers may be put off by some of the content. I recommend "An Unquenchable Thirst" to open-minded readers who see the world in all its complexity rather than in black and white. Read more ›

49 of 58 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars A book with great integrity and authenticity April 2, 2011

By Trudie Barreras VINE™ VOICE

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Vine™ Review (What's this?)

To say I think this is an extraordinarily important book barely scratches the surface. My own personal conviction, expressed in many different contexts over the past several years, is that humankind is indeed at a crisis point with respect to the spiritual development of our planet. With all the new technology, we will either enter an era of genuine enlightenment, or we will succumb to utter chaos and the destruction of all civilization. The factor which will determine the outcome is whether or not we truly understand the meaning of compassionate, non-competitive love.

Mary Johnson's spiritual memoir can best be described by saying it exhibits agonizing honesty and integrity. She begins by depicting herself as a seventeen-year-old girl, completely overwhelmed by the vision of Mother Teresa of Calcutta as portrayed by the popular media. Desiring to deepen her relationship with God and to live a life of selfless love and service to the poor, in 1977 Johnson joined the Missionaries of Charity. What she encountered, however, was far different than what was described by the popular press. It was also very different from her experience of growing up Catholic in the post Vatican II Church in America. The Order emphasized living with and like the poor they hoped to serve; Johnson was prepared for this and even excited at the prospect, willing to suffer whatever deprivations were called for so she could grow in compassion and understanding. What she was NOT prepared for, and indeed could never come to fully accept during her twenty years of profession in the MC's, as she abbreviates the name of the Order, was the pettiness, politics, power plays and downright cruelty perpetrated by some of the superiors....

What to me was most important about this book, however, is that it focuses in sharp contrast the difference between the rhetoric of love and service and the actual practice of training these nuns to conform to "the Rule". This was the era following the Vatican Council, when Catholics in many countries were beginning to awaken to an entirely new perspective on their personal calling to live out their relationship with God as mature, intelligent and responsible adults. However, it seems that aspirants and novices in the Missionaries of Charity were being subjected to the most stringent and debasing forms of - well the only term that really fits is bullying. The ideal, it seems, was that they would become "Brides of Christ Crucified", not creative servants of their Risen Savior. Even more startling to me was the fact that although all "loving touch" between members of the Community was forbidden, indeed, considered to be a major violation of "the Rule", Sisters were encouraged to utilize self-flagellation and other severe forms of physical penance. How could it have possibly escaped understanding in this modern age that self-abuse in the form of self-inflicted pain is far more likely to be damaging to one's psychological and spiritual health than masturbation would be? And yet the former was encouraged, while for the latter, extreme shame and penance was imposed.

Eventually, of course, Mary Johnson realized that the reactionary elements in the Church were going to make it impossible for any positive change to occur. Mother Teresa was ill, and the nuns who took over the guidance of the Missionaries of Charity were far more notable for their strict observance of Canon Law as they perceived it than for their willingness to interact with their own sisters in a charitable and compassionate mode. Beset with illness of her own, and finally having lost faith in the entire system, Johnson left the order. In the epilogue to her book, she describes a brief encounter with her former sisters in 2007 at the time of the 10th anniversary of Mother Teresa's death. I will quote a bit of it here to conclude this discussion and give a flavor of her writing style. One of the current leaders of the Order, Sister Prema, asks to speak to her privately. Trying to rationalize Johnson's departure, she says:

"You were tired, isn't that it? You were capable and we gave you too much work, and you were tired."

"Well, yes, I was tired" - I don't tell Sister Prema that it took nearly four years for me to begin to feel energetic again - "but it wasn't mostly that. I felt I was dying a little every day, and I couldn't believe God wanted that."

"But suffering is an important part of our life." She says these words with certitude and generosity. I once said these words.

"Yes, but I wanted to live fully, and I thought God wanted that too. I still want life." (p. 535)

And that, in a nutshell, is why I believe this book is so valuable. My perception is that God does NOT want meaningless human suffering, especially not of the self-inflicted variety. God doesn't want people in charge to do the opposite of what Jesus did during his life and ministry, and impose rule upon rule and law upon law. If we can't be loving and compassionate to those who are working and living with us, committed to the same ministries we are, but instead try to enforce our own will and claim it is God's will, we are doing the exact opposite of what I believe Christ commissioned us to do. And, if we cannot love ourselves and the neighbors whom we see and the families we live with, I believe we haven't a chance of loving people in far-off places with different cultural norms or the God who is often hidden from us except in those who, as Jesus said, need our compassion. As Johnson perceived but struggled with for most of the twenty years of her profession, God's love is all-inclusive, not anti-sexual and not demanding of the type of obedience that negates free will and honesty. To quote another favorite saying of mine, "To be human is to love, and to love is to suffer," but that means to bear the inevitable trauma of the human condition with as much generosity and grace as possible, not to seek to worsen it by deliberate acts of cruelty and domination. Read more ›

74 of 90 people found the following review helpful

3.0 out of 5 stars An insider's view of convent life. May 15, 2011

By Avid Reader VINE™ VOICE

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Vine™ Review (What's this?)

I had hoped when ordering this book that I would read about nuns out in the field helping the poor in foreign countries. As a nun, Mary Johnson, was mainly involved in the training of those women wanting to become nuns. Mary did spend some time with the poor in America and Canada but most of the book deals with training nuns and those administering the training, with the negative side of this being emphasized. I was particularly disheartened to see that mortification of the flesh was practiced - self flagellation and wearing chains with spikes: " That evening I took the discipline with more force than usual. The next morning when I fastened the chains around my arm and waist, I pulled them tight." I was also dismayed that many of the things that turned me away from the church in an earlier time frame than this book were still going on. So many of the nuns were totally unliberated, trained in complete obedience and not given schooling except in cathecism. Many of the nuns were cruel in their training and some were "seriously unhinged" as Mary later states.

The new aspirants were quickly taught that touching or friendships were strictly forbidden. (later in the book she has Mother Teresa complaining about all the hugs she would get) The nuns of this order still shaved their heads and didn't wear shoes inside until AIDS appeared in the world and it wasn't known how it was contracted. A certain nun who was sexually and emotionally abusive to other nuns, including the author, was allowed to stay in the order despite compete knowledge of her actions by Mother Teresa. Mary, or Sister Donata, entered as a teen who thought she was ugly, and did have a mostly non-carnal relationship with a priest which to me was so understandable.... To be cut off from human touch and even contact with her family (why didn't her family write to her?) was inhumane. Her family did once send her a cassette tape to listen to but the order did not own such a thing and she was forbidden to bring it to any house that had one.

When nuns in Beirut called Mother Teresa to tell them they were under fire, Mother Teresa's answer was: "Are you dead yet? Call me when you are dead." When one young nun who had a severe depression, certainly not helped by this type of unfeelingness, lay down upon Sister Donata/Mary, just seeking closeness, another nun walked in and spread the rumor that never left Sister Donata that they were '"fornicating".
When confessing to a priest that she had been struggling with sexual desires for several years she is told she is a sex addict and referred to the precepts of AA to overcome this.

This is definitely a very negative and disheartening book. I am amazed and sorry that the author spent 20 years of her life in this state, twenty years that led her to atheism. That's the greatest sorrow of the book. Read more ›