Customer Reviews

Anaconda [VHS]

5 star:		(55)
4 star:		(45)
3 star:		(36)
2 star:		(24)
1 star:		(35)

 

 

After originally seeing the second first, and then borrowing the superbit of this to watch, I'm actually glad I did it that way. That way, I didn't have to compare the sequel to the original if I'd seen it the right way round. Despite reading other reviewers bad reviews, I quite liked it. It dragged a bit in the middle, but the cast were excellent.

With stars like Jennifer Lopez, Eric Stoltz, Owen Wilson, Jon Voight, Ice Cube and the fabulous Jonathan Hyde, it worked. Some of the plotlines were only hinted at, and could have been expanded if it had been rated a 15 or an 18. (Particularly the 'love' story between J-Lo & Eric - there seemed to be stuff missing from that whole sub-plot.) I loved how Jennifer (as she now wishes to be known) looked in this movie - the hair was naturally curly, and really nice, rather than straightened within an inch of its life. If you compare her here, to now, you'll notice she's become very Hollywood over the last few years. The hair's blonder, and she's skinnier too - and has noticeably given her Latino roots up. I didn't like Jon Voight's character very much - I found why he did what he did was never really explained, and one of his final scenes will either make what you're eating get thrown in the air, or you'll choke on it. Plus, he had a really dodgy Steven Segal-esque ponytail. Ugh. Most particularly, I loved Jonathan Hyde. I've never liked him much in the other movies I've seen him in (Dr Allen Chamberlain in The Mummy, and J. Bruce Ismay in Titanic - I didn't even realise it was the same actor from the latter!), but his character in this was really nice, and even funny.

Although some of the CGI snake scenes were slightly dodgy, especially when they spun their victims in the air - if they were still, it wasn't that bad - they were still good, and effective scenes. They were just as cute as they were in the sequel, and had lovely big eyes. I was particularly impressed with the detail that went into the close up shots, and a shot near the end, of a character (I won't ruin it) getting swallowed whole, and the camera actually appears to be inside the anaconda. Very funky - although a little too pink.

Eric Stoltz seemed to have an easy ride during the movie, as he spent most of the movie in bed, after receiving a quick, probably not very well done, tracheotomy.

This probably isn't the best movie for hard-core, serious moviegoers to see - they'll rip it to shreds, rather than just appreciate it. And what guy is not going to want to see Jennifer bra-less and running around soaking wet, and screaming her head off? Probably the same guy who doesn't want to see Elektra, with a very lovely Jennifer Garner, going commando. I liked this movie. The sequel was slightly better, darker, but similar in some points.

When I watched Anaconda I was surprised that it was better than I expected. Part of the reason for that was the performance given by John Voigt.

A film crew is traveling the Amazon in search of the elusive People of the Mist. On the way the rescue Voigt from a stranded ship. Voigt is a snake catcher and claims he knows where the People of the Mist can be found. In reality he is trying to lead them into anaconda territory where he hopes to catch a live specimen and make a fortune. Finally the truth comes out, as do the snakes and it becomes a battle between man and beast as well as between man and man. In the end the survivors prepare to return to their ruined careers when they stumble across the People of the Mist.

John Voigt gave an excellent performance as a Paraguayan snake catcher (Paraguayan so as no one can tell if the accent is right). John shows off a physique that shows why he was chosen to play gigolos and boxers. I did not care too much for the black cameraman. He seemed to be one great big stereotype, so city bred he can't believe that fish live in water. The only other flaw with the film is the way the snake moves. Anacondas are strong but they can not support their entire weight on the tip of their tail. It also moved faster than a striking rattlesnake. Oh well, I still really enjoyed the movie.

The plot is thinner than a Kleenex, J-Lo attempts to play an (unusually gorgeous and well-dressed) aspiring film student who, with her tough-but-lovable assistant Ice Cube, somehow find themselves on a barge along with a few other ditzy Hollywood stereotypical characters, including an over-the-top Englishman, heading up some remarkably bug-free Amazon tributary to film a documentary.

As fate would have it, they happen upon Jon Voight's character (Jon Voight! Is that really him?!), who A) blows the other actors off the screen B) is a genuinely creepy psychotic presence. They "rescue" him from his stranded boat.

There are brief flashes of brilliance in this story, but they are paved over by the horsey acting from all parties excepting Mr. Voight and Mr. Cube. Jon Voight is terrific, and Ice Cube is playing himself. Who cast this mess? J-Lo's famous shape is displayed, nay, showcased, in at least half a dozen scenes. The movie is beautifully photographed, which makes the near-total lack of a believable story unfortunate, and the absurd ending, complete with the 100% anticipated surprise ending, leaves you yawning. By 2006 standards the special effects seem quaint.

Watch it for the cinematography and Jon Voight. And J-Lo's delectable corpus. Cute boobs and a sensational rear end, I must say.

This movie falls into that sacred genre of movies that are unintentionally funny because the plots, acting, etc. are so ludicrous. Seeing that this awful movie managed to draw in some considerable star power (Jennifer Lopez, Ice Cube, and "Rushmore's" Owen Wilson, for starters), this really is a gem!

If you are a bad-movie lover, then you will appreciate many of this movie's elements. First off, the slithery villian. Of course, the REAL anaconda doesn't get larger than 25-30 feet, but this movie posits that they could grow to be 50-60 feet. The snake is just too much at times: It is huge, and yet it moves like a garter snake. Watching it run down people is hilarious. It also makes a noise similar to a lobster being boiled in a pot - that high-pitched "eeeeeeiiiiuuuuuwwwww" sound.

Then there are the numerous one-liners and witty remarks from the characters. It's a never-ending stream of bad (but highly quotable) dialogue. Hey, I like movies that are described as "Oscar-worthy" or "instant classic," but it's movies like Anaconda (the dessert, if you will) that makes life all the more fun.

There is no way that this is the best movie ever, nor is it the worst. I don't understand why so many people are down on this movie. It has a lot of action, and is pretty suspenseful, granted there are better movies out there, but this is a very good one in its own right.

A boat full of people are making a documentary about a lost South American tribe. The group happens upon a skitsofrenic who is oppsesed with capturing this gigantic snake. He eventually takes over the boat. This leads up until the very end: a showdown between Jenifer Lopez, a giant snake, and Jon Voight.

Don't let anyone fool you, this is a very good movie, not the best, but still very good. You would be well advised to give this movie the benifit of the doubt.

This movie has very nice special effects and even a semblance of the plot. I was marginally impressed (but then again, the Amazon jungle is enough to scare me silly, even without nutcases and huge man eating snakes). Not a keeper, unless you are a horror movie fanatic, but worth watching. Once.

There are two films here, both of them pretty awful.

Of the two, the one with all the young Hollywood types in their Gap clothes that never get dirty or even wrinkled in the Amazon is the less mildly offensive.

The other apparently stars John Voight, but what this second movie is about, it's hard to say. Voight acts a bit like he was hoping he was taking over for Marlon Brando in "Apocalypse Now," but mostly, he says all sorts of mysterious nonsense in a made-up accent and makes bug eyes.

Ironically, the titular star of the movie, the anaconda itself, is barely in this film. The filmmakers seem to have heard that the shark rarely appeared in "Jaws," but don't seem to understand that the unseen presence of the monster is necessary to build suspense. In the absence of said snake, viewers mostly get to watch Voight having a very good time in whatever movie he thought he was making.

Not worth a rental -- catch this on free TV, preferably when you've got a sense of humor and two hours to kill.

"This film was supposed to be my big break... but it turned out to be a big disaster." Back in 1997, when this film came out, you just had to chuckle when Jennifer Lopez's character said this so plaintively. JLo was still fairly new to the film industry at the time, you see, and there were doubts... Now, looking back, it turns out Jennifer's had a pretty good run at a Hollywood career.

ANACONDA follows the spoor of ARACHNOPHOBIA but predates SNAKES ON A PLANE, but all three of these creature features exude that same sense of camp and cheese, and they are all of them a lot of fun. The plot to ANACONDA revolves around an American expedition wending its creaky way down the Amazon river, this decrepit river boat ferrying a documentary crew intent on capturing on film this mysterious lost tribe. What are the odds that these folks get sidetracked?

The anaconda is the most terrifying predator in the Amazon jungle, or so this film proclaims. Anacondas can grow up to forty feet long and they "will regurgitate their prey in order to kill and eat again" - which is just really messed up. Except that when I read that bit at the start of the movie, I couldn't wait to see it happen (oh, it happens). And yet the horror show starts even before the anaconda monster slithers on camera and cracks the bones of its first victim. The real villain of this piece is this diabolical Paraguayan by name of Paul Sarone (Jon Voight, really slimy), and the worst thing the river boat crew does is to pick up this sneery stranded hombre. You want to talk about a snake in the grass, you talk about Sarone, failed priest and current reptile wrangler. Raise your hand if you think he's harboring a hidden nasty agenda?

Jennifer Lopez heads up the cast as documentary film director Terri Flores, and, for me, part of the draw is in watching her and Ice Cube - two hip denizens of the urban sprawl - trying to cope in this deadly fish-out-of-water setting. The movie, shot in Brazil and demonstrating excellent cinematography, does well in evoking that sense of peril just lurking out of sight, in the steamy jungles, in the dank waters... and then there's "the little catfish that swims up through your urethra, finds a nice warm spot, and spreads its thorny little spines.'' Oh hell no.

Ice Cube, by the way, plays Danny the cinematographer, and he is likable from the get-go. I even enjoyed that bit of self-indulgence in which we catch Cube's character chillin' to an Ice Cube song. ANACONDA is peopled with a cast diverse enough that I never did get bored watching whomever was on screen. I'm not a big fan of Eric Stoltz, so it's probably for the best that he spends most of the film in a coma with a hole in his throat. Other familiar faces backing up our newbie actors are Owen Wilson and a Danny Trejo surprisingly without facial hair.

What this is is a throwback to those fun old B-movie adventures. ANACONDA bubbles over with high spirits and a tongue-in-cheek sensibility, or that's the sense I get, anyway. There are several spiffy kill scenes and visual effects that aren't that shabby, the anaconda itself either computer generated or rendered in animatronics, and looking mostly believable. There's even a cool anaconda's POV shot as one victim slides down its gullet. Acting-wise, it's not surprising that Jon Voight overshadows everyone. It's just fun watching him preach his sinister gospel of the jungle. A masterful scene stealer to the very end, Voight makes the most of his memorable death scene. He even gets to conduct a wicked piece of emergency on-site tracheotomy. Because when you mess around in the Amazon, not only can you get crushed by anacondas, or have parasitic candiru swim up your wang, or get a hole punched into your throat by a crazy Paraguayan... um, I don't really know where I'm going with this. But I like this movie which is bad and campy and, well, quite terrific.

Anaconda... A terrible movie. But worth getting on blu-ray, why? Jon Voight, Ice Cube, Owen Wilson (before famous) oh and did I mention jon voight playing a snake hunter named serone with his counter part MATEO! Jon Voight's amazing one liners alone are enough to watch this terrible movie. For example, "Maybe some other time." A simple line that in text form seems unimportant. However with Voight's Serone twist, this simple line becomes hilarious gold (if there is such a thing). This movie is so ridiculous that it is hilarious... and those are my favorite movies. Surprisingly enough, this movie actually looks pretty good on blu-ray and the upgrade makes jon voight's performance even more enjoyable. I recommend that if you haven't seen this movie, you have to see it at least once. Is it worth the buy on blu-ray? Yes it is. But wait till the price drops a little more. They used to play this movie all the time on tv. Now they don't play it as much. So get it and enjoy the HD version of a classic film, Anaconda.

Length:: 5:01 Mins