Customer Reviews

The Anatomy of Peace: Resolving the Heart of Conflict

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My husband and I were days away from divorce. We were each given a copy of this book the night before our court appearance by a dear friend. He could see how much pain both of us were in and wanted desperately to help us. He had already attended The Arbinger Institutes training and had read all of their books; most recently, this book. He knew how powerful its message is to the right heart.
There was a lot that transpired during the 18 hours preceding the court hearing. A lot of this book was read. Hearts were softened & changed and two prideful, selfish individuals became new people. I don't use this lightly when I say it helped facilitate a miracle in our lives. We have a long ways to go, but at least we will be traveling it together and we now have hope for ourselves, and for our marriage and "The Anatomy of Peace" has much to do with it.

I stayed up until 3:00 in the A.M. the day that I received the book and finished it that same day. It's the prequel to Leadership & Self Deception, and it continues to develop many of the same principles. In this book, however, they step away from the business atmosphere, and focus on changing yourself to effect change in relationships in the home, and between nations. I am confident that if everyone in the world read and understood the principles in this set of books, it would literally solve most all of the world's problems; problems at homes and with families, problems in the workplace, and problems between societies and governments. At the very least this book will change your perspective and change your life. It's due out in August, and I recommend it to everyone. [...]

I read this while taking a train to a meeting, and when I got back on the train, I re-read the entire book all over. I was absolutely blown away. The authors of the book, the Arbinger Institute, have discovered the secret to world peace--and to domestic tranquility in your marriage and family as well.

Coming as I do from a turbulent family, I recognized the push-pull issues that make people enemies who should love each other. And I recognized when in my life I decided to have peace in my heart and when I chose to be at war in my heart instead--and what the results were. Here is a system of engaging with everyone you meet in order to have peaceful relations.

The book starts with a story about a family taking their paroled drug-dealing son to a desert retreat and rehabilitation program run by an improbable pair of an Israeli and and Arab. The parents drop off the children and then spend a couple of days with the program therapists before leaving the kids behind. Suprise; the book is NOT about the desert survival experience of the kids; we only learn of this obliquely throughout the book. Instead, the parents learn how to deal with each other and their world with a peaceful heart. The system of teaching involves some parables, stories, charts and a pyramid starting at the top with "correction" but supported below with teaching, listening, and otherwise dealing lovingly with your fellow man.

The philosophy of Martin Buber is some of the basis for these important teachings. Buber stated that people either dealt with each other as I-YOU or as I-IT. When people deal with others as "it", we get everything from the person who is yapping on a cell phone while they carelessly careen through a parking lot to wholesale slaughter of people for being the wrong religion or race. From Buber's teaching, we learn how peace in our hearts is when we deal with I-YOU and when we turn our hearts to war, we've turned them to I-IT.

This is a most important book and I recommend that everyone get a copy of it and read it. And read it again. Your life will NOT be the same. It will be better.

It is difficult to imagine the amount of information packed into this one small volume. We get a great dose of history, tenets of at least four of our great religions, and a great gathering of good old common sense. I must be honest, when I first picked this volume up, I was not overly impressed. As I read though, I became absolutely fascinated. The more I read, the more fascinated and interested I became. Hate to admit it, but this one can be classified as a page turner. I have been in the business world, the military and teaching for over 45 years now. So much of what I found here, the advice, the perceptions, I knew I knew, but was unable to articulate them. This book did this for me. I do a lot of seminar work for various organizations and companies dealing with personal relationships. Information in this work will certainly be a part of my arsenal from now on! The basic message in this book is that it all comes within. This includes success with your friends, family job and indeed, could well work on an international level. What seems so simple, in reality is quite complex and this book goes along way in untangling the complexities of interpersonal relationships. This work would be great for teachers, ministers, civic leaders and company executives. The text is quite readable. Each argument is addressed in a forth write manner. The book not only tells you why, it goes on to tell you how in very simple, easily understood manner. No book can solve all your problems. The same thing can be said of a tool, i.e. no one tool can completely build a house alone. This book is indeed a tool you should add to the others...your management tool box so to speak. You most certainly will get a better house for it. This is one you need to add to your library. I cannot recommend it highly enough.

The Anatomy of Peace couldn't come at a better time; just look at the headlines of any newspaper or news website. Arbinger has a wonderful way of leveraging the lessons of history to teach us yet again the wisdom of human experience. Whether we struggle at home or work, we all live one whole life. The elegant simplicity of the stories and examples in this book serve as both a wakeup call and beacon of hope for anyone seeking a more productive, peaceful, and fulfilling life. I've read the book three times and will read it again soon as a constant reminder to myself that choice is always within me. This is a great book for any leader in any environment seeking to lead more effectively and create more positive impact.

I love the concepts taught in this book. I find them profound. I recognize the truth of them as soon as I read them. And I've been trying ever since to make them a fundamental part of my being...at the cellular level! I want it to be who I am without having to thnk things through so much. I'm looking forward to the day when my natural reaction to a challenging situation is a qualified, loving reception of the other's point of view, and that from me, he is validated. And in my presence, he feels good about himself. This book is showing me how to do that. The more I study it, the more deeply I am able to think about things and BE the best version of me possible; the rewards are indescribable. The joy that comes from living 'out of the box' are more incredible than anything else I can think of. When we look upon every soul wih compassion, love, respect, and treat them with kindness, regardless of the mood they may be in, regardless of the challenges they currently face, and regardless of what kind of day we had ourselvs, we have won the greatest victory; victory over self. Connecting with people is the work of this lifetime. Being children of God, we can't help but feel best when we reach out to others in service, compassion and love, unconditionally. That's the way He made us! This book could change the world. It could provide the 'powers that be' a new place to start, and a different way to think of things, and therefore, a different way to respond...one that never threatens the dignity and respect each feels he/she deserves. Peace "out there" starts with peace "in here", right inside my own self. When I am at peace in my own heart, I am able to go out and help create peace in the world, one encounter at a time. I LOVE this book!

The Anatomy of Peace takes the first book from the Arbinger Institute, "Leadership and Self-Deception," (hereafter LASD) to the next level. Where LASD teaches about being in the box toward others, Anatomy of Peace explains what the boxes are and how we make them. I can't recommend this book enough. As soon as I read just the first few pages of LASD I knew they were keepers and had to stop and immediately order one each for my husband and myself, so we'd each be able to highlight them where wanted and re-read them at will. Don't pass either of these books by, they are books I will use and read throughout my life.

This book is a pleasant, readable story that is actually a parable. The reader does not have to fully agree with the ideas in order to realize new ways of thinking about themself, others, and the deceptions in which we tend to engage. Although the direct lessons in the book are useful, the real value is to cause the reader to think more deeply about the inner sources of conflicts, the way we engage in them, and the very nature of our hearts. And the lessons of the parable apply to human interactions from individuals and families up to nations. I highly recommend this book.

The Anatomy of Peace offers us the ability to make the world a better place. Nothing "touchy-feely" here - this is about courageously understanding myself in relationship with others. In this simply profound story I found ways to tap into the very best of others through my way of being. The stories contained within offer to meet us where we are - at work, with family or even at war and guide us to lives of peace, more specifically, to hearts at peace. Anatomy of Peace offers a maturing and expansion of the ideas introduced in Leadership and Self Deception. It is a delight, a challenge and a "must read."

Skimming through the more than three dozen testimonials at the front of *The Anatomy of Peace* before going on to read it, I was certain that all the endorsers were guilty of overstatement. Now I can say that no praise is high enough. By reflecting the painful truth about my own "heart at war" that I was blind to, it completely changed how I perceive the ingredients that produce conflict in my own life.

Following along with the process described in the book produced cascading "aha!" moments so profound that I took seventeen pages of notes, and I still feel the impact every time I review what I wrote down or look at the major diagrams that I reproduced from the book. The transforming power here is a clarity and simplicity of revealed truth that uncovers the root of a warring consciousness. The very awareness of what we have been doing becomes the way out; we simply see the point and recognize how self-defeating and divisive our own warring strategies have been. It becomes obvious that there is another way, a better way, to interact with one another than our styles of self-betrayal and self-justification have created.

Somehow, this new grasp of the possibility for a true understanding of another human being becomes alive in the heart as you read this book. The heart responds with a passionate desire to be true to her basic nature that has been created to love, serve, and do what it knows is right. The book delivers a direct experience of the peace that is your own nature, and you come away knowing that it is who you really can be if you choose to be that.

I found that the format of the reader-as-witness created a capacity to observe myself with fewer defenses. Absorbed in listening and watching the characters, I never felt bludgeoned or lectured to or blindsided by the authors as my own issues emerged. In fact, it was just the opposite; I became hungry to recognize my particular patterns and evaluate how they fit into the overall program of internal war-mongering that we all so easily fall prey to. This is a rare accomplishment in a book with such a challenging and life-changing message. And, as the authors point out, we can't be agents of peace in the world until our own hearts are at peace.

Who needs to read this book? Its potential to change the way we all relate to one another is enormous. To keep it simple: Unless you have nothing but the most compassionate and understanding response to every human being and situation on the planet, you can be greatly benefited from looking in this mirror. Hats off to The Arbinger Institute for giving us a model that works at a time when peace seems so elusive as to be impossible. As the authors note, "We separate from each other at our own peril." I see *The Anatomy of Peace* as a way through and out of the peril of our times.