|Excerpted from
Ancient Prejudice Break To New Mutiny... by Mark A. Roeder. Copyright © 1999. Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Chapter 1
"Are you afraid of girls or something?" Shit, that struck too close to home. I was afraid of them, but not for the reason Brandon suspected. The vampire feared the mirror. My gaze drifted to Taylor yet again. In addition to the girls, a couple of guys were with him too. They looked at Taylor with the admiration that boys give other boys who are exceptionally good looking, or athletic - sort of an envious, admiring look filled with a desire to look, or be, the same. I knew that look. I caught it in the eyes of my team-mates and class-mates often enough. Don't get the idea that I'm conceited, nothing could be further from the truth. My looks were an accident of birth and my talent on the soccer field was part genetic, and part just plain, hard work. I was a better player than my team-mates, but I put a lot more work into it than any of them. I was not conceited, but I was aware of my own efforts, and good fortune. Perhaps I possessed a touch of pride in my prowess and appearance, but nothing more. The boys near Taylor caused a touch of jealousy to rise in my chest, but I knew it was needless. Their interest in him wasn't at all the same as mine. No, I had no need to be jealous, they weren't looking for a boyfriend. Besides, I was getting way, way ahead of myself. I was interested in him, but the chances that he would feel the same about me were practically nil. Laura was looking at me again. She was definitely interested. If only Taylor would look at me like that. Her interest frightened me, but wasn't such interest what I needed? Wasn't it the very reason I was there? Brandon standing at my side, prodding me to approach her, was a powerful reminder of what was expected of me. How much longer could I wait before the other boys figured out why I didn't date? If I'd been really shy, or unattractive or something, maybe I could have gotten away with not having a girl, but guys like me were expected to have a girl on their arm. It wouldn't take my buddies long to figure out why I didn't date. I'd gotten away with not dating for eighteen years, but I knew my time was running out. Even as such thoughts flowed through my mind, my eyes were upon Taylor. I was completely taken by him. I knew it was foolish. I knew it would never come to anything. The girls surrounding him were a sign that he could never be what I wanted. I knew I had set my sights on the unobtainable, and that my failure to achieve it would crush me into dust. I couldn't help being taken however. I couldn't help but bear the slightest hope that just maybe he would feel the same as I. My heart hoped, while my mind warned me of the danger. I was a moth flying into the flame, a vampire stepping into daylight. OAI feared I was kidding myself. How could he possibly be like me? Hell, I knew I'd never even have the balls to approach him. It just wasn't me. On the soccer field I was bold, fearless, sometimes reckless, but this, this was something quite different. I had long ago cloaked the real me, hidden myself from the gaze of all others because I knew they would not understand. My team-mates, my family, my friends, all of them perceived the me that I wanted them to see. To them I was the outgoing, popular, friendly, and much to be envied soccer stud. I knew that the real me was far more complicated, there were whole realms to me that few would have guessed. Even those closest to me had no idea of who I really was. That fact sometimes saddened me, but such secrecy was a necessary evil. I was bold elsewhere, and with other things, but approaching Taylor posed far too great a risk. There was a difference between courage and stupidity. One was not a coward for stepping out of the way of a speeding truck. Taylor was quite likely that very kind of danger. He was certain destruction bearing down upon me, ready to run me over if I didn't have the sense to step out of the way.
"Mark?" said Brandon, asking with but one word why I wasn't acting on such an obvious opportunity. It was clear he could not comprehend why any boy wouldn't make a play for an attractive girl that was checking him out. I had almost forgotten again that Brandon was standing beside me. I was distracted and I
"Maybe I'll go over and talk to her later." I said. I was making up excuses for both Brandon and myself.
"Coward." said Brandon smiling. Brandon was a good friend, but his humor cut a little too close to the truth. He had to be wondering what was wrong with me. Laura wasn't exactly hot, but she was very pretty. I was surprised some guy hadn't snatched her up. I hoped one would so she'd stop gazing at me.
"You're hopeless! Catch you later Mark." Brandon slapped me on the back and walked across the dance floor, making for a cute little blonde he'd been eyeing while he prodded me to approach Laura.
Hopeless. He had no idea. With Brandon gone, I scrutinized Taylor more thoroughly. I simply couldn't keep my eyes off him. It wasn't just that he was incredibly good looking, there was something more. I'd seen plenty of great looking guys, but none of them was like Taylor, not one of them had made me feel the way he did.
