Customer Reviews

The Anger Trap: Free Yourself from the Frustrations that Sabotage Your Life

5 star:		(25)
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3 star:		(1)
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1 star:		(2)

 

 

Dr. Les Carter has done it again! No wonder he is called "America's Anger Expert." With The Anger Trap he has put together his years of experience and wisdom on this important subject to provide us with a way out of this insidious trap called anger. Years ago I read his first book on the subject, Good 'N Angry (now out of print, I believe), and more recently completed his very practical best-seller, The Anger Workbook. Both exercises helped me deal with issues that subtly yet surely were negatively affecting my life and relationships.

Now comes, I believe, Dr. Carter's "magnum opus." One of the values of The Anger Trap is that Carter not only identifies anger and it's nature, but deals with the root causes (such as fear, loneliness, rejection, insecurity, and especially pain.) "Angry people are hurting, fragile people," Carter points out. And, "At the heart of anger is a cry for respect." But, to me, one of the most insightful observations Carter makes is, "As illogical as it may be, it can seem to outside observers that chronically angry people have a strong commitment to keeping distasteful emotions alive." Carter encourages us to deal with these underlying causes if we are to have any kind of meaningful victory over anger.

The chapter on dependency and hidden insecurity (Chapter 6: "Insecurity's Hold on Angry People") is especially interesting and illuminating. In this chapter Carter discusses how angry people are so busy trying to make others take responsibility for their own emotional stability that they stay stuck in the anger they want to be free of. But, my favorite chapter is called "Higher Priorities," (Chapter 14) where Carter leads us down the path to deliverance from the destructive aspects of anger. He points out the need to make a commitment to traits like kindness, patience, and forgiveness. It shows what life can be like outside the anger trap.

Over the years I have found Dr. Carter's books to be right on target--insightful, easy-to-read, and filled with practical wisdom and application. The Anger Trap is no exception ... and a welcome addition to his valuable contributions. Everyone with any kind of anger issues should buy this book and digest it deliberately and carefully. As Dr. Carter reminds us, we all have choices. We can choose to face the ugly dimensions of our anger and be freed from this trap forever!

I've dealt with anger issues for years and have heard plenty of advice and couselling, but this is by far the most practical guide I've encountered. Les's writing style makes his concepts easy to understand, even though the concepts themselves are not simplistic. Les has distilled his 30 years of counseling experience into very useable advice on how to overcome the negative consequences of mishandled anger. While many other authors and counselors major primarily on the causes of anger, they mostly grow frustratingly silent on how to change the negative behavior that stems from anger. While Les doesn't offer a promise that you'll never be angry again if you apply his suggestions, his insights are very helpful in minimizing the harm to others and yourself when that inevitable angry moment comes.

This book has been life-changing for me. I heartily recommend it to anyone trying to come to grips with their destructive anger-related behaviors.

I was first attracted to this book after realizing I am frustrated or angry most of the time. After 5 chapters, I can say that this is what no one ever tells you. Read this book even if you do not consider yourself an angry person. And order one for everyone you care about. A+++++ Many thanks to the authors for this easy to read epiphany. I have been in the dark tooo long. It is time to live to my full potential. With this information I can end the cycle of generation after generation of poor emotional/coping skills.

There are some VERY positive reviews for this book on this site so I purchased it. But after having read it myself I now regard these reviews as suspect, especially the first glowing one, which smells of a shill.

Let me tell you why: The book is pretty much a collection of mundane stories about "real" clients of the author with insight into their troubled childhoods, past fears, etc. and how those past traumas have left them with anger issues. It is classic blame-it-on-your-unfortunate-past psycho-babble with very little advice on how to deal with anger in the here and now, regardless of what the causes may be.

If you suffer from anger issues and really want to deal with them, the last thing you want to do is waste time reading cliche' stories of other individuals' bad relationships with their parents or spouses. Instead, I recommend an approach like that of Anger Busting 101 by Newton Hightower because it provides immediate steps to take to begin resolving the problem, without all the needless delving into the "root" of anger. And no, I am not a shill for Hightower, just a consumer trying to prevent others from making the same mistake I did.

Dr. Les Carter definitely knows his subject and he is an excellent writer. As I read The Anger Trap I felt he was talking directly to me. Instead of giving superficial tips on communicating anger differently, the book prompts the reader to examine patterns of thinking that lay beneath the emotion. I found the chapters on control and pride to be especially enlightening. I strongly recommend this book to anyone trying to get a handle on long-standing problems with anger.

You'll be suprised by this thought provoking depiction of anger and how your life has been effected by your anger and the anger of the people in your life. I didn't think that my emotional wellness was so effected by anger. There is more to anger then active aggression, loud outburst, or fighting. Everyone experiences anger. You'll relate to the case studies more than you would like to think.

I would highly recommend this book for anyone who struggles with anger, from open aggression to constant irritability. If you are on the fence about what anger book to buy, you won't regret buying this one.

I've had "The Anger Trap" for a year now and haven't stopped reading it. It is so full of insight that I can only digest & internalize a few pages of information at a time. This book isn't just for the explosively angry person; it's for the passive-aggressive person and/or the criticizer and/or the usually frustrated and unhappy person. Anger comes in many more forms than I realized, and anger keeps us from being the loving, relational, content, patient, joyful individuals we were created to be. Buying this book has to be the best $15 I ever spent. I sense that I will be working through this book over and over.

Even though the author takes you through all the reasons that are foundational to the emotion of anger and all the ways that anger is mismanaged, he never leaves you feeling hopeless. You'll see how screwed up you are, but that there is redemption and hope. There are some legitimate reasons we feel anger, and there are healthy uses of anger. For those of us that feel that anger has become who we are almost all the time, the insight in this book is a powerful tool of truth as one undergoes the process of being free from that (and it takes honest soul-searching on the part of the reader for this tool to be fully appreciated). If you can be honest with yourself as you read this book, I guarantee you'll see what is actually triggering your anger (and it's not outward circumstances like your annoying family member), and you'll see that you don't have to be trapped by anger. Anger doesn't have to have a hold on your personality. This book has practical, do-able, life-changing advice to help you.

This reference is one of the best self-help books out there. The author has obviously spent a great deal of time in this field, and he has a knack for imparting his accumulated knowledge so that anyone can understand it. He uses stories about real people to illustrate various problems that can arise, and then shows how they can be resolved. Very easy to read. Also very easy to use, as the author gives concrete methods to handle many common situations. I very much appreciate the time and effort Dr. Carter has taken to put this together, and believe it will help many to deal not only with their own anger, but with the anger of people expressed around them. Excellent work!

I thought the Anger Trap was very insightful and as I read through it I recognized my typical anger-generating habits of thinking. I also learned ways to retrain my thinking - slowly but surely - in order the respond to things less emotionally. I also learned that when I am "angry" I am probably really something else - disappointed, afraid, frustrated, feeling rejected or dismissed. When I start to get mad now I pause and ask myself, "what is really going on here?" and that alone has enabled me to explore other sides to my personality that I have tried to ignore for the last 30 yrs. I can get through situations that used to make me blow my top as a sane, calm person now. It helps to dialogue with myself (silently, of course, lest they get the net!) by using techniques from the book.

My only beef with the premise (it's always something...) is that the author goes with the idea that anger comes from past problems. Grow up with a dad who yells or hits and you'll yell or hit. However, there are many studies that show that a violent home does not necessarily beget a violent child, a calm home does not beget a calm child. Just as anxiety can run in families or depression, might not problems such as overreaction to stimulus? If the dad is a yeller, perhaps it is his genes that pass on the anger and not his yelling. Otherwise, why don't all people from certain types of parents exhibit the behavior? I bring this up, because it is easier to face the problem sometimes when there is no one to blame (except perhaps God, if you lean that way). Rather than bemoan the mess a parent has made of one, it might be better to treat it as a limp that runs in the family but was not bequeathed with any malice. You have the limp, now figure out how to walk with it. You have the temper, now figure out how to respond to life as a decent human being with it.

Before I read this book, I was blowing up at my kids at least once a day. Just a few weeks later, that no longer happens. I'm able to monitor when I'm getting frustrated and keep in control so I don't start yelling out of the blue.

This book really made me feel understood by the author. I recognized myself and the people I know in the descriptions of angry people. The biggest thing for me was that he understood how profoundly being yelled at as a child can affect you. He explains that people get angry because their needs aren't being met. So now, I check in with myself regularly to see whether I'm hungry, or tired, or frustrated, and then I try to take steps to meet those needs before I blow up.

The main flaw in the book is that it doesn't provide enough detail about how to be assertive. I would have liked to see specific examples and guidelines for how to talk to other people about your needs in an effective, assertive way rather than being aggressive or too passive.