The Angry Marriage: Overcoming The Rage, Reclaiming the Love [Hardcover]

Bonnie Maslin (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: March 10, 1994

A psychologist explores the potentially devastating impact of anger on relationships, discussing six different types of marital discord in which couples can become ensnared and how to understand and break damaging behavior patterns. 40,000 first printing. $40,000 ad/promo.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Couples trapped in "angry" marriages express their discord in a variety of ways, shows Maslin ( Loving Men for All the Right Reasons ). The author, a psychologist, here groups angry couples into six types: expressors, who are given to perpetual quarreling; provokers, pairs in which one spouse causes fights and the other plays "the innocent"; suppressors, who bury upset beneath a facade of calm; enactors, who displace anger into such pursuits as overeating, workaholism or adultery; symbolizers, whose anger manifests symbolically as illness; and displacers, who direct their wrath at an outside target (a horrible boss, for example). For each category, Maslin includes a case history and psychological analysis of how the representative couple's marriage became "toxic." She contends that not all angry marriages are hopeless. By identifying the suppressed needs underpinning their behavior, couples can use their insights to create an "atmosphere for change" and free themselves from unhealthy anger. This simple and practical guide should prove useful to troubled couples and marriage counselors alike. Author tour.
Copyright 1994 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to the Paperback edition.

From Library Journal

Maslin ( Not Quite Paradise: Making Marriage Work, LJ 12/86; Loving Men for All the Right Reasons , LJ 2/1/82) aims to help one assess one's marriage and find out how to "fix" it. To that end, she identifies six "angry lovestyles," which characterize the behavior of venters, provokers, suppressors, enacters, symbolizers, and displacers. The key to breaking the deadlock of an angry union, she claims, lies in uncovering the unrequited unconscious needs of both partners. Maslin's proves a bit repetitious in the early chapters, and much of it is either self-evident or has been said before. Public libraries serving self-helpers may want to consider buying a copy, but ultimately this is not an essential purchase. Previewed in Prepub Alert, LJ 11/1/93.
- Scott Johnson, Meridian Community Coll. Lib., Miss.
Copyright 1994 Reed Business Information, Inc.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 277 pages
• Publisher: Hyperion; 1st edition (March 10, 1994)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1562828061
• ISBN-13: 978-1562828066
• Product Dimensions: 9.1 x 6 x 1.2 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.4 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (6 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #4,046,692 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #59 in Books > 4-for-3 Books > Parenting & Families > Parenting > Emotions & Feelings

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

19 of 21 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Found it to be helpful to my marriage, June 24, 2000

By 

I. Harris - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Angry Marriage: Overcoming the Rage, Reclaiming the Love (Paperback)

First, as a rebuttal to shechem, I wouldn't recommend this book to an engaged couple or an angry person because this book is really for married couples who exist with this constant undercurrent of anger. Just because you have a temper doesn't mean you will have an angry marriage. Yes, the author does take a long time to make her point but it is a point well made: that we are all products of how we were raised and that that shapes our actions and attitudes. This is not a blame your parents book because if it were, I would not have read it. It simply states that our parents are our first role models for marriage. We take from them roles and responses to our own marriages. I found that the most enlightening aspect of the book was reading each couple's childhood background, which I'm sure, helped bring understanding to each of the marriages. Often, we don't know what bags our spouse is coming out of and get frustrated that he/she isn't more like ourselves.

After reading the profiles of each type of angry marriage (which, to me took too long because you kind of got the picture in the 3rd or so chapter) the basic message I got is to begin to reclaim that goodwill toward your spouse that sustains you through boredom, disappontment, conflict and tragedy; that if you don't have good feelings toward your spouse, you simply will not make it. With ill will, everything a spouse does is framed negatively.

Keep in mind that this is a modern day book, an extended version of advice that might be given in the "Can This Marriage Be Saved?" or in Redbook. No new revelations, but for a marriage that is on the wrong track, this just may help push it back.

10 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A must for anyone committed to a long-term relationship., January 11, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: The Angry Marriage: Overcoming the Rage, Reclaiming the Love (Paperback)

This is truly a must for any person committed to a long-term relationship, not just one that's presently "troubled" by anger and resentment. I would prescribe this book prophylactically! Of course, it is also a self help reference book in the best sense of the term. I was impressed by how skillfully Dr. Maslin's case vignettes are being put to work to illustrate the various patterns of marital discord, and to show the potential for a healthier solution. Dr. Maslin is a highly experienced psychologist who wrote this book for all people who want to become serious (again) about a marriage and continue to build it. Once you've read it thoroughly (once, or more than once), you will want to make this book a quick reference (if your best friend hasn't borrowed it!).

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars pretty good, April 4, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: The Angry Marriage: Overcoming the Rage, Reclaiming the Love (Paperback)

The book helped me realize several ways my anger affects my marriage and I wish I had read it before marrying. However, I wish the author had provided suggestions throughout the book as opposed to waiting until the last chapter. I found myself somewhat discouraged reading what was wrong but not having suggestions at hand.