Customer Reviews

The Angry Marriage: Overcoming the Rage, Reclaiming the Love

5 star:		(2)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

First, as a rebuttal to shechem, I wouldn't recommend this book to an engaged couple or an angry person because this book is really for married couples who exist with this constant undercurrent of anger. Just because you have a temper doesn't mean you will have an angry marriage. Yes, the author does take a long time to make her point but it is a point well made: that we are all products of how we were raised and that that shapes our actions and attitudes. This is not a blame your parents book because if it were, I would not have read it. It simply states that our parents are our first role models for marriage. We take from them roles and responses to our own marriages. I found that the most enlightening aspect of the book was reading each couple's childhood background, which I'm sure, helped bring understanding to each of the marriages. Often, we don't know what bags our spouse is coming out of and get frustrated that he/she isn't more like ourselves.

After reading the profiles of each type of angry marriage (which, to me took too long because you kind of got the picture in the 3rd or so chapter) the basic message I got is to begin to reclaim that goodwill toward your spouse that sustains you through boredom, disappontment, conflict and tragedy; that if you don't have good feelings toward your spouse, you simply will not make it. With ill will, everything a spouse does is framed negatively.

Keep in mind that this is a modern day book, an extended version of advice that might be given in the "Can This Marriage Be Saved?" or in Redbook. No new revelations, but for a marriage that is on the wrong track, this just may help push it back.

This is truly a must for any person committed to a long-term relationship, not just one that's presently "troubled" by anger and resentment. I would prescribe this book prophylactically! Of course, it is also a self help reference book in the best sense of the term. I was impressed by how skillfully Dr. Maslin's case vignettes are being put to work to illustrate the various patterns of marital discord, and to show the potential for a healthier solution. Dr. Maslin is a highly experienced psychologist who wrote this book for all people who want to become serious (again) about a marriage and continue to build it. Once you've read it thoroughly (once, or more than once), you will want to make this book a quick reference (if your best friend hasn't borrowed it!).

The book helped me realize several ways my anger affects my marriage and I wish I had read it before marrying. However, I wish the author had provided suggestions throughout the book as opposed to waiting until the last chapter. I found myself somewhat discouraged reading what was wrong but not having suggestions at hand.

This is a really good book about the dynamics of anger or 'the dance of anger' as it's been expressed in other books. What it helped me to see was that my seemingly angry spouse was not the only problem in my marriage -- rather, over the years, we had evolved a difficult relationship style that we are just now starting to repair. I wasn't actively angry but I was deeply resentful -- because I usually agree with my spouse, even when I don't want to do something, because I'm so afriad of upsetting the relationship.

This book also helps you to understand all these family of origin issues and how they play into the dance that you eventually evolve with your partner -- is one of you perhaps on some level avoiding getting too close to your partner? Are you both, perhaps, uncomfortable with drawing too close to another person? Perhaps you were punished in your family of origin for expressing anger? Perhaps your parents withdrew their affections when you disagreed with them.

It turns out that the anger is in some ways just a symptom of some other problems -- like difficulties in trusting another person. And since the anger is merely a symptom, just treating the anger doesn't go far enough in addressing the problem. This makes this book fundamentally different from other books which purport to teach you to fight fair or control your anger. This one rather forces you to take a good hard look inside yourself to figure out WHY exactly you're angry (particularly if you're one of those repressed people who would prefer to sweep the ugly emotions under the rug) and then to deal with it. First rate.

This Book is the best I've read on helping heal a troubled marriage. I only wish I could have a session or two with the author! I think every married couple I know should read it. Great!

I bought this book because I am getting married in a year. I'm not an "angry person", but I have a temper and I wanted to learn a better way of communicating.

This was not the book for me. After slogging through the first 3 chapters of it, the author finally got around to stating her thesis which is, there are three parts to an angry marriage. The visible marriage, the invisible marriage (the needs that are not getting expressed) and the primal marriage. the primal marriage is the realtionship one had with their parents, which is why they are angry with thier spouse.

at that point I quit reading. I personally have a problem with blaming everything on one's parents because one's parents weren't perfect. From the examples the author puts forth to support her idea aren't absuive parents, but parents that are a bit annoying. Who doesn't have a parent that doens't get under their skin once in a while? to blame that on why folks don't communicate well strikes me as silly.

this book was both a waste of time and money.