Customer Reviews

Angry Men and the Women Who Love Them: Breaking the Cycle of Physical and Emotional Abuse

5 star:		(18)
4 star:		(0)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

Implement! Do it! Half of my counseling career dealt with violent, angry men, incarcerated for life because they totally lost it... and now regret it. "If only someone had stopped me before I did her in." This statement said over and over even when some went in for counseling sessions yet departed because they did not want the "counsel." That meant dramatic change and they loved their power position so much their "security blanket" was not about to be given up.
Hegstrom's book skillfully presents these insights with all the "on the scene" drama [routinely seen by deputies] as you cannot help but empathize along with all the hurt, pain, and grief experienced by the two parties tied together in these agonizing episodes. Nonetheless, if the solution is only pondered and never applied, they spin their wheels agonizing forever. Read and heed his counsel!
For those couples who will read, I can give them a copy of this book. It is that helpful.

A friend, who is the former wife of an abusive man (who eventually killed himself after trying to kill her), says:

"This book is boldly written to express the pain of an abusive man who changed his life by coming to grips with the anguish which caused his destructive behavior.

"The book is well-written, and arranged in an amazinly-helpful format.

"It's not very long but contains what you need to know to get help for yourself, if you are an angry man, or to understand or offer counseling to an angry man who is driven by the wounds of his past.

"It also defines the emotional truama that the woman goes through in a relationship with such a man, and offers advice to such women. It identifies what abuse is, and that it can be found in all levels of society.

"A MUST READ FOR MEN AND WOMEN living in the cycle of abuse.

....

This book was very helpful. It's an easy read, and helpful to both the abused and abuser without being preachy to either side. I believe it's a must-read for both the abuser and their victim...

While in the bookstore at church earlier this year, my fiance at the time held up the book, Angry Men and the Women Who Love Them, and said, "Look at this." My response was, "I want that book. Please buy it for me!" which he did. I had been seeing a pattern of anger and rage in him, and it scared me.

This book absolutely opened my eyes to the root causes of anger, which is a secondary emotion. I grew up with an angry father and so did my fiance, who was incredibly wounded physically, emotionally, and sexually while growing up. What I found so helpful about this book is the discussion of the brain and what happens physiologically when we are physically, emotionally, mentally, and/or sexually wounded before the age of thirteen. The exciting news: It's fixable!!

A month after reading the book I signed up for a Life Skills class and committed to attending once a week for seven months. (The Life Skills organization was started by Paul Hegstrom when he found that typical anger management classes did not work for him and the rage he was dealing with in his own life.) I discovered that I have sought out angry men to date my whole life and did not realize I was doing it. I am a little more than half way through the class now and I can honestly say it is the hardest and yet the most rewarding thing I have ever done in my life. I am learning about myself, working through the pain of my childhood wounds, and seeing incredible hope for my future. Next to becoming a Christian, reading the book and taking the class are the best things I have ever done.

The book gave me the information I needed, and the class is giving me the support and the tools I need to experience healthy relationships with others and most importantly with myself. I find I have a lot more compassion for angry people, but I am also becoming a lot wiser and more discerning about how I interact with them. I highly recommend the book (a very interesting and easy read) and the Life Skills class.

This book changed my life. It was the inspiration for my husband and I to seek counseling for domestic violence. Paul speaks directly to those in need. His insight is profound and true. His work is ground breaking. This book explains the true root of painful behavior and offers realistic strategies to overcome and heal from emotional traumas. Read it and save your life.

When we feel trapped in an abusive home / marriage, we feel afraid, isolated, and scared of knowledge. Knowledge calls us to take well thought out action and to make choices. This book shares the knowledge that both women and men need to break the cycle of abuse in the home. Mr Hegstrom provides priceless insight as to why we behave the way we do, how to change, how to build a proper emotional and physical bond as well as information on where to get help. If you read this book and are encouraged to grow, I recommend finding a Life Skills support group or another program so that you can begin your journey to a healthier lifestyle. This book is an important tool for married and single individuals both. I facilitate Life Skills groups and many women have shared with me that they wish they had received this pain preventative information before they were married. No matter where you are in life, there is hope and you CAN feel peace and joy again. I highly recommend this book and the Life Skills Program.

Over the past three decades, slowly yet progressively, the insidious and elusive awareness of a close and intimate relationship that is laden with uncomfortable, abnormal, and even criminal aspects...have come from a vague recognition into identifiable regard. This progress has brought to public awareness, the many vile and often violent behaviors of males through blunt and broad disclosures (such as this book's statements) of the traits and personality characteristics of 'angry men'. Paul Hegstrom's book, The Angry Men and the Women Who Love Them, is an outgrowth of his personal struggles with his own 'inappropriate behavior' within a marriage. Over several decades of dissecting the roots of his manipulative behaviors, he has established a clear definition of domestic violence and has created an educational system of distributing this information. This book sets forth his findings for himself and for many who are engulfed by the unhealthy relationships he describes. In the process of comprehending his own demonstrations of abuse, Paul draws upon the developing body of literature that defines and decries Domestic Violence. The book presents statistics of domestic violence and by reviewing this data, one can deduce that the occurances are global and broadly sweeping through all social segments. Of course, even the casual reader will realize that these 'acts of violence' are underreported yet they clearly are documented as the leading cause of injuries to women from ages 15-44 years. Charts from L.E. Walker's, The Battered Woman, are presented to clearly emphasize the 'pattern' of violence that thread through relationships. The discussions of 'addictive' behaviors and the accompanying neurochemical alterations in the brain of those who 'act in displays' of abusive behavior were striking. The brain chemistry that occurs during 'acts of violence' are attributed to the similar shifts in neurochemistry in other 'addictive' personalities. In listing commonly displayed methods of emotional abuse (insults, screaming, even non-physical threats of control like withholding money or taking children) coupled with listings of more obvious threats of violence (throwing, kicking, or threats to pets or children) and the actual direct physical violence sketch a portrait of men with problems. An interesting comparative study of several belief systems (Judian, Christianity, and the citations from Erik H. Erikson's book, Identity an the Life Cycle, brings insight to the many unresolved conflicts behind angry men. The book is invaluable in revealing the broad spectrum of incidents that, insidiously, emerge during some 'domestic' relationships. The innocent discarding and repression of the worthiness of these events are identified as this book proceeds. The reader, who may be (or may have been) involved with such a relationship, will be able to extract their experiences from the 'discard pile' and view the events under the 'light of clarity' after reading the book. Finally, in seeing the validity of their discomfort and in comprehending the source of the myriad of angry men they have endured/encountered as partners, the women readers will find some relief. The descriptions of 'arrested development' eclipses previous understandings of domestic violence and it's sources. I stongly recommend this book and see it's value as an educational tool in clinical settings, in courts of law, and amongst women's support groups.

This is a good book if you need awareness about the abusiveness in your marriage and how things should be in a marriage and the appropiate behaviors your husband should be asserting. At the end of the book it leaves you with little more than that and his advice is to leave. Unfortunately it doesn't help with the skills needed to CHANGE the relationship. I was helped a great deal more by You Don't Have to Take it Anymore: Turn Your Resentful, Angry, or Emotionally Abusive Relationship into a Compassionate, Loving One I feel like this book had some very good information about the abusive relationship, but left me feeling just as helpless as before.

An excellent book to help couples having anger issues. I was suprised to learn that I was angry (by definition) and that it is controllable (never thought so). It turned me round, made me face myself, in a similar way to an alcoholic.

This book is excellent to describe different types of abuse and explains the effect it has on people. I was being verbally abused for 30 years and could never describe what was wrong with our marriage till I read this book. The silent knight described our marriage EXACT! It is an eye opener I have sent copies to my children.