Customer Reviews

Approaching Neverland: A Memoir Of Epic Tragedy & Happily Ever After

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Reading this book swept me back to coming of age in the '60s. I was riveted to the memories from a time when no one mentioned divorce, let alone parental mental illness or infidelity; no one mentioned family members facing confusion in their gender identification; and no one knew what new issues challenged, even threatened, our development to adulthood. This powerful memoir is told with humor, compassion and wisdom and reveals an undercurrent of abiding sadness. Was the modern dysfunctional family invented then? If only every such family had the same rich resources as the Kennedys: unconditional love and support between numerous siblings; persistent creativity; family loyalty; and, for some, resilience. There will always be families facing mental illness, confused children, and young adults in crisis: identities evolving and sorting out years after. Approaching Neverland is an affirming, human tale of one woman from such a family.

The story is not just about a family dealing with mental illness but a story about love within a family. It brought me back to those same times when I thought that everyone else's world around me was perfect except for my world. As we grow we realize that every family has it's problems.The book felt truthful and real. I could picture the moments in my mind and took it with me all thru the day.

Unlike J.M. Barrie's fictional character Peter Pan who enjoyed never-ending childhood, Peggy Kennedy, as she eloquently recounts in her candid memoir, "Approaching Neverland," scarcely had time to be a kid.

September 1960: Five-year-old Peggy perches on a chrome chair, arms circling her cereal bowl. Fraught with first-day-of-school jitters, her feet nervously dangle above a zigzag sea of maroon, green and beige linoleum.

"She's tired this morning," her father says noticing Peggy looking for her mother. "She needs her rest."

Heart heavy and hair tangled, Peggy stares at her Cheerios.

Arriving at school under the wings of four siblings, she lingers in the hall while her brother rakes a comb across her ponytail. In class, on best behavior, hands folded in her lap, she's singled-out and escorted from the room. Her disheveled hair, it appears, betrays her family. It calls attention to the fact everything in the Kennedy home may not be as it seems. Peggy, however, knows the drill. She chokes back tears and the truth.

Home again, anxious to share her day, Peggy and her sisters and brothers are met with The Lone Ranger theme blaring, rooms topsy-turvy and their mother, Barbara, trotting around a "collection of objects, her head thrown back like an Indian circling a captured village."

Thus the reader begins a powerful, chaotic journey with Peggy and her family through the veiled ravages of mental illness. Children quietly shuffled back and forth to family members. Hushed hospitalizations. Undisclosed attempts by Barbara to whisk them all off to "Neverland." Once with near fatal consequences.

Such was the fate of a mental illness diagnosis 50 years ago. So little was understood by medical professionals, fearful patients and families knew only to secretly give it their best shot.

Best, however, does not trump loss. Peggy's brave, beautiful and often humorous account of a family's efforts to put the pieces back together, again and again, while continuing to endure more tragedy than anyone should ever have to, is a remarkable legacy to the people in her life and their capacity for love. Because, in spite of it all, time after time, even when love was not enough to change the circumstances, it triumphed.

Peter Pan's youth was everlasting. Peggy, through a willingness to examine and move beyond misplaced childhood to life well-lived, also savors forever. Her closing sentiment in "Approaching Neverland": "...sometimes, good things can last and last. And last."
WOOF: Women Only Over Fifty

More than an accounting of the effects of mental illness, Approaching Neverland is a story about how families grow and adapt and love each other in spite of overwhelming circumstances. Set in California in the 1960s, Ms. Kennedy's honest and insightful tale could only take place during this unique period and place in history. The family members are crisp and complete and I felt as if I had known each one for a long time. It is a pleasure to recommend Approaching Neverland to others who are interested in reading an uncompromising story about what happens when a talented, but otherwise average family, comes apart in fascinating, but unexpected ways.

"Approaching Neverland" is an unforgettable memoir. Peggy Kennedy's account of the tragedies facing her family showed both courage and compassion. I have read a number of great books where endearing characters have died. And I remember feeling like I should have cried but the tears never came. This book was different. It moved me so that I choked back tears of anguish and joy multiple times during the reading.

This candid story will be of help to many of us who have dealt with the difficulties of adversity. It gives us hope of the phoenix rising, where we can and will find the strength and beauty that can only come from the ashes of the past.

A wonderful book for new beginnings ...

From the moment I read the first page, I was hooked. Peggy Kennedy's beautifully written memoir is the story of her remarkable family and how she carved out a successful life for herself despite the challenges she faced growing up.

Like that other Kennedy family, Peggy's was marked by being blessed with great talent and promise as well as by suffering more than their share of heart-breaking misfortune. Creativity was king in the Kennedy household and each of the children was gifted with special abilities. However, their mother's mental illness was the underlying shadow that colored much of their early years and the secret that bonded the family in silence.

"Approaching Neverland" is a mesmerizing read from the moment you pick it up until the final page. Anyone who has ever faced significant loss or overcome great challenge will especially relate. Peggy's story is both a deeply moving account of a complex family and a celebration of triumph and overcoming the odds. A must read that will leave you smiling with tears in your eyes.

A brave and candid look at the Kennedy family, this memoir is both heartwarming and heartbreaking. It's hard to believe that one family could have endured so much tragedy, some nearly impossible to bear, if we didn't know the strength and resilience of its members. The author has done a brilliant job of telling a difficult story with humor and love. Makes your own family's flaws seem trivial.

Judith Marshall
Author of Husbands May Come and Go but Friends are Forever: A Novel

Ms. Kennedy's memoir is many stories entwined into one. Her vivid account of growing up in the 60's in the Bay Area brought back many memories of how we felt, thought and acted in a middle class neighborhood, in a middle class town, under the guiding hand of San Francisco's aura, Every word enhanced her story - overwhelmingly sad at times and intensely personal. The real gift of her memoir is that so many of us with life secrets can relate. Those of us whose lives have been touched by mental illness, challenging family dynamics, contrarian roles, and difficult choices can find inspiration in her story.
This is a must for book clubs everywhere, compelling to a myriad of readers. The book is also relevant to organizations battling the prejudices and real life experiences of mental illness and family tragedy. Certainly those from Ms. Kennedy's demographic can relate, whether through intensely personal or more distanced experience. However, anyone who had adversarial upbringings that they could not make sense of may find a kinship here.
How wonderful that she has chosen to share what must have been so painful to remember. A must read!

I whole heartedly recommend Approaching Neverland as a memoir to read, even study. It is a story of rare courage and candor. Statistics reflect that in nearly every family, a member is visited by some form of mental illness. The ways in which the writer's mentally ill mother experiences her terrors is only a small part of this story. Each of the five children unconsciously adopts an important position in this family. The quiet hard working Dad loves his wife and family, but seems to be in the dark and unable to figure it all out. Of course, this took place in an era devoted to denying family problems. During this time, there were few autobiographies or memoirs revealing the inner pain families experienced. I might be wrong, but I think the glorifying of suffering in silence was even more true in the old-fashioned Catholic families. Being raised in a similar belief system at an earlier time, I risk this generalization. The journey of the parents and five children is poignant, courageous, humorous and compelling.

Psychotherapists need to order this book NOW, read it and share it with clients and colleagues. Any therapist with any specialty at all will gain depth, insight and compassion from a deeper reading of this family story. There are strands of painful themes often overlapping each other. The perfect Catholic family deals not only with coping with Mom's bi-polar sieges, but the "coming out" of two gay older sons, and a lesbian sister. Sadly, AIDS takes the oldest son. The unsolved murder of the middle sister takes the reader to an even deeper level of grief, trauma and loss. How did this family not blow apart from all this pain?

The weaving together of love, suffering, and creativity in this book touched me deeply. The hard working, "married-way too young" Dad - seemed lost, confused and yet devoted to his wife and children. Each child seems to individuate and find their talents and paths. Amazing!

The children growing into young adulthood seem to flail about, some rebelling (normal), some experimenting, others fumbling through his/her own reading of life. There was not much guidance or understanding from the outside.

I wonder if the writer, Ms. Kennedy, the youngest child, ever realized she would in many ways be the family guide. Each sibling turned to her at one time or another for guidance.


I do believe anyone who has lived with a family member burdened with mental illness will appreciate and be comforted by this story of maturing under duress.

Living through their mother's episodes and hospitalizations carved each child into his/her gifted, amazing self. The delightful flavor in the story is the humor, and fun the kids and Mom share along with the crises.

I think families and professionals of all descriptions would be enlightened about the stalwart human spirit through reading the Kennedy family saga. The writer with her siblings' generous permission shares the human truth without romanticizing, dramatizing or omitting the funny events. Ms. Kennedy paid her own dues and shares the benefit of this with not only professionals, but families living through such pain and challenge. I for one, as a professional am grateful for this gift of truth, not only for myself and my work, but to share with others.

A mother is supposed to be a beacon of rationality in a child's life. "Approaching Neverland: A Memoir of Epic Tragedy and Happily Ever After" tells the story of Peggy Kennedy and her mother Barbara. Barbara was a loving mother, but she was plagued by a mental illness that made Peggy's childhood a very strange one. Reflecting on her past and her unique relationship with her mother, "Approaching Neverland" is a top pick for those seeking memoirs on mental illness and its effects on parenting.