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Are You Guys Brothers?

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'...even one as seemingly noble as making everyone happy.' This phrase in many ways brings together the messages of this well-written, very inspiring book by Brian McNaught - part memoir about his thirty-two year successful same sex relationship with his life partner and now spouse Ray Struble, part considered evaluation of the historical developments during that time frame, and part warmly and genuinely mentoring for all ages of all people whose lives seem at odds with the 'norm.' It is a valuable adjunct to Human Sexuality Studies: it is also a keenly interesting book that captures the joys and trials of growing and caring relationships that makes the content read like a novel!

McNaught is an openly gay activist whose writings and speaking engagements are becoming popular with the large corporations seeking employee and executive enlightenment: Struble is a retired, successful Wall Street investment broker who endured the closet of hidden personal life at the other end of the spectrum. ARE YOU GUYS BROTHERS? follows the relationship from the beginning to the present and with the development of an ever tighter bonding are the accompanying ups and downs that mirror our society's evolving concept of same sex partnerships. Both men are from the 'solid Midwest', both were raised in large families, both were strongly devout Catholics, both sustained childhood sexual abuse, alcoholism and substance abuse, and suicide attempts - all tied in with their coming to grips with their sexuality. The story of these rocks in the road is not unlike the changes that have occurred in the Catholic church, the White House, and the hardships of family and friend lack of acceptance of the gay lifestyle - even from fellow gay people who consider their committed union on the edge of normal! We gradually learn how these two men lost faith in the church, in their government, and in the persistence of 'radical right'. But instead of this book being a diatribe against all the barriers that challenged the two men's rights to happiness, it is instead a celebration of the individual spirit in overcoming odds to find a life of freedom and joy and spiritual bliss. Together they discover that with the loss of church and government promises and some family intolerances their definition of 'friends' has changed. 'Friends...are people with whom you feel safe and valued. Friends support you, and affirm you, and fight against anything and anyone that might threaten you.'

Aside from being a socio/politico/spiritual journey of change and growth, this book contains some of the most gentle, tender, and touching pages of how this universe can once again be beautiful in the eyes of those whose lives have been struggles against hypocrisy and prejudice. McNaught becomes a poet in the final chapters. 'We have wounds from the hurtful things that have been said and done to us by people who were horrified by, or jealous of, our same sex intimacy. But we have also been helped along the way by family members, neighbors, and people of faith, by colleagues, and by friends....It takes a long time to make something "real". Finally we have a book that is so well written and so broad in its analysis of contemporary life in this country- from issues of youth to issues of aging - that it should become a resource for people of all walks of life. It is a book about respect. Grady Harp, August 08

Author and sex educator Brian McNaught has been someone to whom I have looked up to throughout my gay adulthood. He is a man with integrity, passion for what he does, and a mission to teach the world about gay issues making it safer to be gay and lesbian. I have also admired his openness, honesty and genuineness as a person and gay man. This book adds another level to all of this.

We all need someone to turn to who has been there before us to give us guidance. That is the role often of parents, grandparents and aunts and uncles.

However in the gay culture we often don't have that and with this book you now do!

McNaught talks about his life with his partner, his suicide attempt, his sexual life including some childhood sexual abuse, and how he managed his successes as a gay men in the 1970's and how he feels about gay life today.

We need more men like Brian McNaught who are willing to talk openly, freely and frankly about being a gay man.

Thank you Brian!

Warts and all, Brian McNaught "tells it like it is" in his captivating enactment of his marriage to a man. Microscopic in its rendering of his and Ray's loving, long-standing, sometimes vexing partnership, the book actually makes a universal statement applicable to everyone, pro and con. Without polemics, Brian is saying: Look, folks, THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE. We love each other deeply. What's the big deal?
There is, of course, something absolutely special about Brian and Ray, willing to expose their lives for the sake of the Great Culture War that slogs on in America. Not since Nicholson's Portrait of a Marriage about his gay father and gay mother, Vita Sackville-West, and the eloquence of Andrew Sullivan's book on the subject, has the sting of bigotry been cast so impotent.

Are You Guys Brothers?This is a book that walks the talk. Many noted national and international speakers can be eloquent and inspiring, but do they live the reality of their talk? The noted speaker and gay educator, Brian McNaught does, and "Are You Guys Brothers?" proves it. Diogenes, we are told, used to walk around in the daylight with a lighted lamp looking for an honest man. If he met Brian McNaught, he could blow out that lamp! Brian is an honest man and he turns the spotlight on himself and on his long term relationship with his lover and life partner and spouse. As he shares that story with all its chiaroscuro elements, he seems to be telling me that story in a personal and intimate sharing. You will feel that too. Many of his insights will bring an "Aha!" response, others will rest less easily. Brian is honest and he does not paint his picture with vanilla. There is struggle and pain, there is achievement and happiness. It is book for all, for couples who are gay and who are on the same journey, for couples who are straight to see that their journey is also mirrored here, and for singles of any orientation who will appreciate the learning from a guru of life and love. For me, it did not call me to run out and find a partner, but it reminded me that I am happy being me, that the chiaroscuro of my life has been worthwhile and precious, and no longer needs lament but embrace. In bliss? No. Gay? Yes!