Are You a Geek?: 1,000 Ways to Find Out [Paperback]

Tim Collins (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: August 29, 2006

Let’s face it–we all do geeky things, from checking e-mail obsessively to playing video games to tripping over our own feet. But here’s your chance to find out just how much of a geek you really are. With 1,000 questions for every area of your life–from childhood to lifestyle to entertainment to sex (you met your wife in a Web chat room–3 points), Are You a Geek? helps measure your precise geek quotient. From challenging intelligence quizzes to testing your dating compatibility with “Geekline,” Are You a Geek? lets you in on the secrets that separate the geeks from the grown-ups. Or the nerdmeisters from everyone else…

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Tim Collins is an advertising copywriter who lives in London. One day, while visiting a trendy pub, he admitted to himself that he'd rather be at home watching the special features of a Doctor Who DVD. It was at this point that he decided to come out as a geek. He believes that everyone would be happier if they accepted their geeky sides.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

LIFESTYLE

You live on your own.
1 point

You live with your mum.
2 points

...and you're over 30.
3 points

...and she still makes your meals, wakes you up
in the morning and checks your
appearance before you leave the house.   
5 points

You can't eat without watching TV at the same time.
1 point

You can't go to the bathroom without taking
something to read with you.
1 point

You've got out of bed in the middle of the night
because you couldn't resist checking your email.
2 points

While emptying your trash can, you've spotted litter
that dated back more than 30 days.
1 point

If something goes wrong with your computer,
you fix it right away, but if your washing machine
breaks, you leave it for a while.
2 points

The last time you changed your sheets was
over a month ago.
3 points


*Bonus Points*


You have the following posters on your wall:

Data from Star Trek
1 point
Buffy
1 point
An Escher artwork
1 point
A map of the world
1 point
A magic eye picture
1 point


You've set aside an afternoon specifically
to rearrange your CD collection.
3 points

You've set aside an evening specifically
to watch the special features of a DVD.
3 points

You had a pizza delivered last night.
1 point

...and ate the cold remains of it for lunch today.
3 points

You've completed a takeout loyalty card
in the last couple of weeks.
3 points

You often drink so much coffee or cola
that you can't sleep at night.
2 points

When you can't sleep, you find yourself jotting
down ideas for brilliant new inventions that
make no sense in the morning.
3 points

You spend more on eBay than at your
local supermarket.
3 points

Look at the "call list" menu on your mobile and write down the last ten numbers you called.
 1  .........................................  
 2  .........................................  
 3  .........................................  
 4  .........................................  
 5  .........................................  
 6  .........................................  
 7  .........................................  
 8  .........................................  
 9  .........................................  
10 ........................................   

Award yourself one point for every food
delivery number you called.
___ Points


*Bonus Points*


Your personal smell can best be described as:

Axe
1 point
Medicated soap
2 points
Antiseptic cream
3 points
Mildew
4 points
A mixture of stale washing, secondhand books
and piss
5 points 


*Bonus Points*

You've actually done the following slapstick jokes in real life:

Walking into a lamppost because you were
distracted by something
1 point 
Slipping on a banana peel
2 points
Looking at your watch while holding a drink,
and spilling it down yourself
3 points
Turning around suddenly while carrying a
ladder, and hitting someone with it
4 points
Falling down an open manhole
5 points


Award yourself two points for every sex line
__ Points
you called.

Award yourself five bonus points
if you haven't called ten numbers yet.
5 points

You've drunk a soft drink straight from a 1.5 liter
bottle to avoid washing a glass.
3 points

On the weekend, you always log in to your
email before brushing your teeth.
1 point

You believe spraying yourself with deodorant is
as good as showering.
1 point

You've had an argument with a roommate about
whose turn it was to wash the dishes.
1 point

You've had an argument with a roommate about
whose turn it was to phone for pizza.
3 points

You have a child.
-1 point

...but you spend more on toys and computer
games than they do.
2 points

...and you've forced them to watch
Spirited Away instead of the latest
Disney animation.
3 points

You can drive.
-1 point

...but you call your car "The Enterprise."
3 points

...and you say "Engage" when turning the
5 points
ignition key.
...and you've given someone a detailed
5 points
description of the engine.

You've used a computer today.
1 point

...and it's the weekend.
3 points

If your mouse breaks, you feel like you've
2 points
had a limb amputated.
       
When your computer asks "Are you sure
you want to shut down?" you actually think
about it, and feel a bit guilty.
2 points

You've clicked on the option that tells you
how long you've been playing a certain computer
game for, and it was more than a week.
4 points

Before eating a package of M&Ms, you
pour them out onto the table in front of you
and arrange them according to color.
3 points

You actually quite enjoy the sensation of
being addicted to a game and unable to put down
the controller.
3 points
     
You often think of ways to complete day-to-day
tasks slightly quicker, like adding milk to coffee
while you're waiting for the water to boil, or
flushing the toilet while you're still urinating.
1 point
    
You've considered moving to a larger property
for the sake of a collection.
2 points
 
You feel strange if you go for longer than an
hour without checking news headlines online,
on your phone or on TV.
1 point
    
When doing your monthly budget, you put aside
less than $10 for clothes and toiletries, and over
$200 for entertainment and technology.
3 points

You actually do a monthly budget.
5 points


*Bonus Points*


You've arranged your CDs in the following order:

Alphabetical
1 point
Chronological (the order they were made)
2 points
Autobiographical (the order you bought them in)
3 points
In order of the color of their spines,
4 points
to create a spectrum effect
In order of record label
5 points


*Bonus Points*


The bag you carry with you all the time is...

...an unbranded rucksack worn by both straps
1 point
...the same gym bag you've had since school
3 points
and have never washed    
...a plastic bag from a comic shop on which the
5 points
handles are about to break   


You've bought a Happy Meal or box of cereal
because it had a promotional gift licensed
from a sci-fi blockbuster.
1 point

You've bought something purely for its ironic value.
1 point

...which cost more than $60.
3 points

You've listed your religion as "Jedi"
when filling in a form.
1 point

You've eaten some Kendal Mint Cake.
1 point

You've changed an eating plan after being
unable to open a screw-topped jar.
1 points

You've decided to stay in after being unable
to find one of your shoes.
1 point

You celebrate Halloween more than your
own birthday.
3 points


*Bonus Points*


You've tripped over the following things:

A high curb
1 point
A loose paving stone
3 points
Your own feet
5 points


You've taken an elevator to travel one floor, which
took longer than walking would have done.
1 point

You're the only person in your office who hasn't
gotten their kids to record their answering-machine
message.
1 point

That's because you rerecord your answering-
machine message every day, giving a detailed
description of your schedule for that day.
3 points

You’ve been to a midnight opening of a shop
When a book, DVD or game was released.
1 point
     
You've set up your computer so that you can
watch TV at the same time as playing games.
1 point
        
There are more TVs than rooms in your house.
1 point

...and you keep all of them on all the time.
3 points

When watching TV, you close the curtains, turn
the lights off and sit about three inches away
from the screen.
3 points
 
You feel powerless when someone else in the
room is holding the remote control.
1 point
   
In winter, you often get that horrible feeling
when it gets dark outside and you realize
you haven't left the house yet.
1 point

In summer, you often get that horrible feeling
when it gets dark outside and you realize you
haven't left the house yet.
3 points

You're so used to having the curtains closed
in summer that it takes you a while to get used
to the bright sunshine when you finally leave the house.
1 p...

Product Details

• Paperback: 144 pages
• Publisher: Delta (August 29, 2006)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 038534015X
• ISBN-13: 978-0385340151
• Product Dimensions: 5.1 x 0.5 x 8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 3.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (5 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,531,890 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Nerds not only welcome, but encouraged, November 16, 2006

By 

toppol (St. Louis) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Are You a Geek?: 1,000 Ways to Find Out (Paperback)

Nerds are everywhere! They just don't own up to it. Here's your chance to prove once and for all where on the nerd spectrum you lie.

A lot of the question here are amusing that they would even be asked (i.e. You've read a dictionary for pleasure 1 point). The questions are categorized so you can pinpoint just how nerdy you are in various aspects of your life (and you can laugh at those nerdier than you).

It's not foolproof though; I received 0 points for being in my high school and college chess clubs. And I only rate as geek (as opposed to übergeek, nerd, or the feared nerdmeister general). But still highly amusing.

Question I'm most ashamed I had to admit to:
You can count in hexadecimal. A points

3 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars very degrading, May 3, 2010

By 

jen - See all my reviews

This review is from: Are You a Geek?: 1,000 Ways to Find Out (Paperback)

I find this book to be very offensive. I admit I have not read the entire quiz. I had to stop reading after about a dozen pages. I own a few other "geek" theme books that I find amusing, however a large majority of the questions in this book award points for being a filthy, stupid, useless, inept person who relies on "mommy" to take care of them. An extremely large portion implies that "geeks" do not shower, brush their teeth, or wash their clothes. In fact, many of the questions in this quiz are almost the same question reworded. You can find similar quizzes on-line for free. I did not find any of it to be funny. The term "geek" is often applied to those who are intelligent or good with electronics, but few questions in this book imply that a geek has any brains at all. I am very sad that this book is painting such a very negative stereotype upon a group of people who are often looked down on by society, because they aren't just like everyone else. If you are considering buying this book for a "geeky" friend or family member - don't. It would be insulting to anyone who has ever been called a geek.

Just to add a note. Out of morbid curiosity, I read a bit more. One question even awards points if you have ever KILED SOMEONE IN REAL LIFE as a result of playing violent video games! I'm sure this is intended as a joke. It's not funny. This implies that geeks are time bombs just waiting to go into a school and start shooting. This book would only be useful to school bullies looking for more ways to make fun of geeks, or find excuses to beat them up.
The computer you are looking at right now to read this review was invented by geeks. Scientists who create machines and drugs to treat cancer or other diseases were probably once called Geeks. Not much in this book points out anything positive. It's great to laugh at one's own flaws on occasion, but this book takes it way too far.

4.0 out of 5 stars fun book to read outloud, March 8, 2011

By 

K. Cain "kc3po" (Akron, OH) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Are You a Geek?: 1,000 Ways to Find Out (Paperback)

My boyfriend is more of a 'geek' than I, so I thought it would be fun to get this book to pass the time together. It's funny to see how much you know of these so-called geeky things. Lots of pop culture in there that I enjoyed.