Customer Reviews

Are You the One for Me?: Knowing Who's Right and Avoiding Who's Wrong

5 star:		(86)
4 star:		(11)
3 star:		(4)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(8)

 

 

This is a good book with lots of practical advise, useful exercises and thought provoking material. It invites you to look at your patterns in relationships and provides good guidelines for avoiding unhealthy people and situations.

I particularly liked the section in this book on the importance of sexual chemistry. This section also includes a useful quiz for determining how much sexual chemistry you have with a partner. This may sound unnecessary, however, this particular quiz goes beyond mere sexual attraction and includes things that reveal sexual connection in the deepest sense of the word.

I don't necessarily agree with everything Barbara De Angelis says, but there is certainly a hefty amount of wisdom between the pages of this book. She is not just telling people what they want to hear either. This makes this title more than just another "feel good" self-help book on relationship.

Although I have read a lot of self-help books, I usually scanned them for content, assumed I had mastered them, and put them away. I possess an MSW degree, and I am a writer who specializes in mental health issues, so I always thought that I "knew it all" when it came to understanding the dynamics of relationships. I thought I had figured out how and why I messed up my marriage, and where I had gone wrong with other relationships. Boy, was I mistaken! I had not even begun to fathom the patterns and complexities that led me to make so many poor decisions about men. This book helped me to put these issues into new perspective. I did all the exercises in the book meticulously, and read it thoroughly. It opened my eyes to things about myself I was unwilling to face, or that had simply escaped my attention. I have already avoided entering into some problematic relationships because I'm now aware of the "signals" that troubled men send out, and what these signals appeal to in me. I think I'm ready for a healthy relationship, and will know how to recognize one when it comes along.

This book is a wonderful exercise in learning about yourself and why you choose the partners you choose. After my last unsatisfying two-year relationship fizzled, I took the responsibility to figure out what what I was doing to attract all the wrong men (i.e., giving so much for so little return). Initially, after the break-up I spent a year dating without a "guide" thinking I just needed to meet the right one -- but how are you supposed to meet the right one when you don't know who the right one is? Just wanting someone faithful and honest is not enough to guide you. During that time, I found Dr. De Angelis' book and started doing the the different exercises. By the time I read the book and did the exercises, I more or less had a list of traits I NEEDED in a man (things I wasn't willing to compromise on). It was a painful process to realize the man I thought I loved before was so fundamentally wrong for me. I wanted to try and read into his bad behavior that he really care and that Dr. De Angelis was a multi-divorced individual who couldn't possibly be a role-model-and-what-did-she-know-anyway?? I made excuses so I could justify to myself to stay in this bad relationship. Well, fast forward nine years: I have been with the same man continuously for almost eight years and have been married for nearly three years. By the time I met my husband I knew exactly what I was looking for, and lo and behold if he didn't hit every single mark on the list. This isn't to say we didn't have problems, because we certainly have, but I entered into this relationship knowing that I had someone willing to work as hard as I was to make our relationship work. And for once I have a man who makes our relationship Priority One (above work, family and even kids) because we both know that if our relationship isn't strong we can't help anyone else. For those out there with a negative attitude about this book -- and they were mostly from people already in bad relationships -- I just want to say, the point of this book is to create an awareness of the common warning signs of a bad relationship so you don't get into one to begin with. Too late for some, I guess.

I have read several of Barbara's books, and they have all been very helpful. The insights that she provides into the workings of relationships and the human mind are easy to understand yet powerful and potentially life-changing!

Some readers have criticized her because she has had several failed relationships, but she has learned from those failures and from the people she has counseled, which I think makes her much better suited to give advice! Her books are very straightforward, even a little simplistic, but they will help you see patterns in your life and learn what you can do to make changes for the better. This book is for anyone who's been through not-right or almost-right relationships and wants to understand why things didn't work and how to choose better the next time. A great book for both women and men. If more people would stop and take this advice into consideration, they could save themselves a lot of heartache.

A note: Many of Barbara's books overlap one another, sometimes with whole passages repeated verbatim from one book to another. For instance, I read this book followed by her book "The Real Rules" and found the second book to basically be a watered-down version of this one. Get this book and you'll be in good shape. Women, I also recommend "Secrets About Men Every Woman Should Know." Men might even benefit from that book; it reveals some great insights about why men do the things they do, and even my usually stubborn ex admitted that most of it was dead-on.

Basically, you can't go wrong with Barbara! Her books are super cheap and are packed with great advice. Do yourself a favor and check them out!

Wow! Finally!!! This book makes common sense look easy, but apparently it is not! I am a 25 year young single woman. Four out of five of my closest friends got married. Four out of those four ended or are ending in divorce. Not a good track record. I always end up helping to pick up the pieces. Now, I have help and wisdom beyond my words!

Barbara is not as brutal and self righteous as Dr. Laura or wordy and fluffy as John Gray. She is direct, intriguing, honest, and helpful to all--married, divorced, single, male, female, all ethnicity's, ages, and sexual orientations.

This book is great for 1. Single people looking for love. 2. People who keep making bad choices in relationships. 3. Divorced people who still don't understand why. 4. And people considering marriage.

The exercises really dig in and have you answer the really tough questions that everyone is afraid to ask you--and you are afraid to ask yourself. And it is the only self help book that does not revolve around religion and it does not condemn any lifestyles. It caters to the individual. That's something new!

The ladies that are divorcing or divorced now know why and they no longer pull the "Victim Card." The ladies looking for love now make better judgements. I, also, purchased this book for 3 of my co-workers who are all planning to marry within the next year. They have a oral contract with me and each other to complete this book with their future wives and husband as well as go through pre-marital counseling. No excuses.

I mean business and so does Barbara!!! Marriages should be built to last! There is no "Poor Me" in a marriage. Everything you need to know will come out sooner or later. Don't waste time! $5.20 is nothing compared to the cost of being a victim.

Thanks, Barbara!!!

As typical of Barbara DeAngelis' work, she has an insight to guide you as you evaluate your relationships and yourself. The book presents to you questions you should be asking and knowing. Then it is up to you to decide whether to put it to good use. If you are ready to make life better, then open your mind and learn. She puts forth the very questions you don't want to ask, but need to. I have attended several of Barbara's workshops a few years back and enjoy her books and tapes as a boost to what I learned. My quality of life has turned around and I no longer view myself as a victim. In this book, she guides me when I have questions and forces me to be honest with myself about my relationship. Not about who is right or wrong, but how it can work for or against my needs. This lady has more engery and love than anyone I ever met. She deeply cares and gives 100% of herself; and the only thing she wants is that you have the love in your life you want and deserve. One thing she taught me: when what you are hearing isn't comfortable, it is probably the thing you need to listen to the most. Keep up the good work and thank you for caring and wanting to share love. Keep making love work.

I find this book somewhat problematic. First of all, it endorses a very consumerist attitude toward love relationships, i.e. choosing your partner like you're buying a new car (I believe she even uses this metaphor somewhere in the book!). This is not a very humane or warm mindset, but very cold and calculating. I personally do not see my partners as products that need to be brought back to the store when malfunctioning.

I fully understand that people who have had bad relationships in the past are sick and tired of trying out and just want to settle down with someone who's right for them, period. Don't we all want that? Unfortunately no book in the world can tell you if someone's right for you, because you and only you can know what you want and what is good for you. There is no rule book for life. That alone makes this book somewhat non-sensical.

Second, this book is a little too strict with people, it's like she lives in some kind of fantasy world where nobody has any problems. According to her set of rules not me or anybody I know would be in a relationship! In her book, Johnny Cash and June would never have been a couple, or probably anybody who experienced great love that was more than a business arrangement! De Angelis does not acknowledge that love is capable of healing and setting free unimagined positive impulses, maybe because she never experienced deep love. Her view of love is unromantic, meager and narrow. Love is about taking risks and opening up, not about being paranoid and mistrustful and giving every potential partner the third degree. Maybe exactly this attitude is why she's on her (quite unbelievable) sixth marriage.

I'm not saying this book can't give you any positive insight, but I would be careful about following it too closely, or you might miss out on some deep emotions.

When I broke up with my girlfriend, I decided I was going to do things differently; first, I would spot warning signs earlier and second, I would be conscious of my own shortcomings which needed work. So, rather than be the typical guy who never tries to get advice, I decided to read several books with varying opinions.

One of the things I like about this book is that it has a huge list of problematic people and how to spot their symptoms. Personally, I feel this is classic b/c it's a lot harder to get out of a relationship with a problem person once you're emotionally involved with them.

How many people have gotten involved with lovers who were emotionally closed off? How many got involved with a lover addicted to drugs or food or something else which took away from the relationship? How about a rageaholic who would explode and make you walk on eggs? How about someone who was still recovering from child abuse? How about a control freak? How about those who got involved with someone who was married?

If you read this book, you could very well save yourself years from getting involved with someone who isn't ready for a relationship or who has subtle flaws which aren't entirely noticeable until you are emotionally involved with the person.

Overall, a 4 1/2 star book. It also has a great section about finding the right type of person and an exercise chart at the back to figure out what you want and how to spot it.

Best of luck.

Although this book is promoted as a great source for those who have had bad relationships, and for those who are unsure of whether or not this is the one to commit to, I'd say that this is an excellent book in between relationships.

One of the first tasks in this book is to make a list of all of your past lovers. Then, next to their names, write a list of their negative character traits.

Once you have this list, write a personals ad that projects you asking for a man to come into your life who has the negative character traits that those men have.

You will laugh, then you will be able to replace those negative character traits with positive ones.

The beauty of this book is that you will enhance your self-definition, and automatically detract what you don't want, while you attract what is within your inner being.

Reading a book like this one while you are in a relationship is more of a challenge than if you take the time to study the lessons, while you commit to not being in a relationship, until you have cleaned up your unfinished business from your past.

It's my understanding that the author has been divorced a number of times. The author appears to be more of an expert on ending relationships than in improving relationships.

I read this book because my wife and I were having some difficulties. I was hoping that the book might help me deal with the marital problems we were having. This book turned our marriage in the wrong direction and almost caused me to lose the most important person in my life.

This book caused me to focus on the negative aspects of our relationship. It caused me to "magnify" the differences between my wife and I, even though these differences exist between most men and women. After reading this book I came to the conclusion that my wife and I were "incompatible" and that we should just end the marriage.

Thank goodness, during our separation, I read another book, "Relationship Rescued". This book more correctly pointed out that we should acknowledge the differences between men and women and realize that these differences are okay. In addition, the differences that exist between a husband and wife can actually enrich each other's life.

I'm happy to say that using the information from "Relationship Rescued", my marriage has been saved and gets better every day. I wouldn't recommend "Are you the one" to anyone. I thought about selling my copy at a garage sale, but I don't want to risk damaging someone else's marriage. This book should be burned.

If you are having difficulties in your marriage, I recommend that you stay away from "Are you the One" and instead read "Relationship Rescued". You will be much happier with the results.