Customer Reviews

Are You Really Listening?: Keys to Successful Communication

5 star:		(18)
4 star:		(0)
3 star:		(3)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

Paul Donoghue and Mary Siegel have written a masterful book which in a very concrete and understandable way educates the reader in the fine art of communication. As a priest, this book is an invaluable resource, as it helps me to be sure that I am communicating clearly and also listening to what is being said to me. By indentifying the many ways that we can slip into old communication patterns, without being aware of it, the authors ensure that anyone reading this book will come away with a new understanding of how to be heard and to listen. It is a gift to anyone for whom clear communications is important in a professional capacity, and perhaps even more, it is a huge help for all personal relationships as well. By simply reading this very clear and concise book, so much pain and misunderstanding could be avoided. We will be using this book in our parish study groups, and have recommended that all the leadership in our parish read it to help make their efforts more effective and meaningful. I recommend this book as a superb tool to everyone, but especially for anyone who has ever had the experience of not being fully heard or understood.

Enjoyably readable, both practical and profound, this book hits all the right notes. As a clinical psychologist I found it so helpful, both in anchoring my approach to clients and in my being able to recommend it to them to help improve, often to rescue, their most important relationships.
In a compact presentation, with a wide array of engaging stories, the authors engender the necessary self-awareness of nonlistening behaviors, practiced with automatic ease even by those who see themselves as good listeners. This discussion lays the groundwork for the presentation of clear steps to skillful listening. In perhaps the greatest service, the authors suffuse this book with the essential spirit and meaning of listening--a vital human act of connecting with another person--for the sake of effectiveness, and for the sake of love.

I bought this book because I felt I needed to develop better active listening skills. This book does teach that - but it spends the first 11 chapters describing why listening is important (and giving examples where listening was needed or helped). Why would you be reading a whole book on the topic unless you already believed listening was important.

Start at chapter 12, where this book then outlines the basic steps to Active Listening in the remaining 4 chapters:
- Listen
- Paraphrase what you have (this demonstrates you are understanding it to the other person)
- Don't react at first - just make sure you're understanding

They dedicate a great deal after chapter 12 to discussing why listening is important as well - so really the first 11 chapters are unnecessary. If I could I would give the first 11 chapters a 1-star review because a lot of what they say is obvious, and the chapters have no advice (other than "listen"). I would then give chapters 12-15 5 stars because they teaches the techniques of active listening very well.

I work across the U.S., consulting with mathematics teachers and school administrators on how to improve the teaching of mathematics through attending to how students learn mathematics. Listening to students and, equally important, teachers listening to each other are essential in this endeavor. This book fills a long-standing, critical need in my work, by delineating a framework, highlighting the obstacles to "really listening," and providing guidance on how to listen more effectively.

What a marvelous book! It so clearly makes the case that listening is the essential element in any good relationship. Friendships, businesses, and famiilies all benefit from genuine understanding. Are You Really Listening? not only demonstrates the value of listening, it teaches in a clear step-by-step manner how to listen. I loved it and I am giving it as gifts to friends and family.

This book had some really good ideas and brought up some very good points, but the execution of the book was fairly poor. The example conversations we not convincing and were said in such a manner that I don't think would have helped the given situation. For example, the chapter on paraphrasing had the following solution to a child's opening statement:

Child: "Camp stinks this year. It's not like last year. The counselors don't care. Some of the kids are really mean."

Father: "You sound disappointed that camp is different this year and not as nice as last year, as if you were hoping that you would be as close to the counselors as you were to Brianna last summer? And it sounds like as if you felt hurt by some of the kids?"

Perhaps this conversation is an exaggeration to get the point across, but if I were a kid and I heard this, I think I would have been put off by this. Paraphrasing is defintiely a good idea, but the way the authors presented it was poor.

As for the general content of the book, it was mostly about what *not* to do. Basically, the idea of what exactly you *should* do was left open-ended. Example conversations reflected this, most of them were things you shouldn't say, not what you should. This isn't particularly useful for someone who learns by example, but I do have to admit that I have a much clearer idea of how to be a better listener.

Minus half a star - Poor conversations
Minus star and a half - Focused too much on what one shouldn't do.

Otherwise it was fabulous!

I feel like I've been waiting forever to find a book that would neatly describe how to listen better. There are so many "self-help" books out there, but nearly all of them are ineffectual. Are You Really Listening, however, is extremely useful. I have found it so helpful in my life, because the authors wrote it using an honest and clear voice that is shared between them.
Moreover, I found the brief case illustrations to illuminate wonderfully the messages and lessons that these two experts prescribe.

Buy this book.

"Are You Really Listening? Keys to Successful Communication" is a self-help guide to relationships, and the value of listening - a skill desperately needed in a world prone to misunderstandings and worse. "Are You Really Listening?" isolates the factors that tend to keep people from listening, and how to identify one's own tendencies to tune out what others are saying - from the "Me Too" syndrome that tends to tune out the speaker and refocus the conversation on the self, to learning how to be heard, to how counterproductive defensiveness can be (defending oneself signals that the time of listening to the speaker's concerns have ended). "Are You Really Listening?" has the absolute highest recommendation for anyone striving to improve their communication skills and professional or personal relationships.

If you have read anything and I do mean anything on this topic, pass this book by. It's short on substance and quite folksy. I had hoped for more and I am just a layperson. Try searching reflective listening.

Relationships often flounder because of poor communication. In Are You Really Listening?, the authors make a strong case for the importance of listening attentively to improve communication. This book offers case studies, concrete examples, and clear descriptions to help the reader become a better listener. By carefully listening, people can depend their understanding and talk intimately with each other. I highly recommend this book.