Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea [Paperback]

Chelsea Handler (Author)

Book Description

Release date: December 29, 2009

When Chelsea Handler needs to get a few things off her chest, she appeals to a higher power—vodka. Seems reasonable, when considering that she discovered her boyfriend was having an affair with a Peekapoo and she had to pretend to be honeymooning with her father in order to upgrade to first class. Welcome to Chelsea’s world—a place where absurdity reigns supreme and a quick wit is the best line of defense..

In this highly entertaining, deliciously skewed collection, Chelsea mines her past for stories about her family, relationships, and career that are at once singular and ridiculous. Whether she’s convincing her third-grade class that she has been chosen to play Goldie Hawn’s daughter in the sequel to Private Benjamin, deciding to be more egalitarian by dating a redhead, or looking out for a foulmouthed, rum-swilling little person who looks just like her...only smaller, Chelsea has a knack for getting herself into the most outrageous situations.

Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea showcases the candor and irresistible turns of phrase that have made her one of the freshest voices in comedy today...

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Handler proves the adage that just because one can, doesn't mean one should. This applies to both her role as a writer and a narrator. In this disjointed collection of memories and experiences, even her overenthusiastic voice cannot compensate for the irrelevance and frivolousness that is this book. Her anecdotes cover a range of topics from sex to sibling rivalry to parental humiliation, all showcasing how smart and witty she can be-in hindsight. Whether rambling about how she's freaked out by red-headed men or bemoaning her arrest and short stint in prison, her attempts to be funny fall flat and her valley-girl persona wears quickly on listeners. Her lively voice has the potential to do well with audiobooks, but the overall tone and ecstatic energy she emits only emphasizes the inconsequential prose. Listeners might find themselves asking for Vodka to help reach the end of this production. A Simon & Schuster hardcover.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. --This text refers to the Audio CD edition.

Review

"Chelsea Handler writes like Judy Blume, if Judy Blume were into vodka, Ecstasy, and sleeping with midgets and nineteen-year-olds."

-- Jennifer Weiner, bestselling author of In Her Shoes

"Ms. Handler's style is a friendlier, more workaday version of the haughty self-abasement practiced by Sarah Silverman, leavened by the everywoman spirit of Kathy Griffin...She seems like a cruel queen bee from an expensive college: There's something suspiciously sophisticated about how her jokes line up that suggests the moral austerity of a comic not of [Joan] Rivers's bad-girl school: Tina Fey."

-- New York Times

"Where have I been all of Chelsea Handler's life? I had no idea how funny, how brilliant she is. She is too clever for words."

-- Liz Smith, New York Post

"Chelsea Handler is a terrific comedian and a hilarious writer."

-- Jay Leno

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 272 pages
• Publisher: Gallery Books; 1 Reprint edition (December 29, 2009)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1416596364
• ISBN-13: 978-1416596363
• Product Dimensions: 8.5 x 5 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (797 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,672 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #32 in Books > Humor & Entertainment > Humor > Essays
  • #44 in Books > Biographies & Memoirs > Arts & Literature > Entertainers
  • #59 in Books > Humor & Entertainment > Humor > Satire

More About the Author

Chelsea Handler is an accomplished stand-up comic and actress, as well as the bestselling author of My Horizontal Life. She is the star of her own late-night show on E!, Chelsea Lately; was one of the stars of Girls Behaving Badly; has appeared on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and Late Night with David Letterman; and has starred in her own half-hour Comedy Central special. Chelsea makes regular appearances in comedy clubs across America and lives in Los Angeles.

Amazon Author Rankbeta 

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#81 in Kindle eBooks > Biographies & Memoirs

#81 in Kindle eBooks > Biographies & Memoirs

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

293 of 328 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars One of the funniest people in America April 16, 2008

By D. Buxman TOP 1000 REVIEWERVINE™ VOICE

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase

I actually bought this book for my wife, since she had enjoyed Chelsea Handler's previous book, "My Horizontal Life." When the book arrived yesterday, I picked it up to peruse it and I couldn't put it down. This book is laugh-out-loud funny. The book contains stories from the author's life from around the age of 9 through adulthood that are funny from the perspective of men and women alike. As should be clear from the title, this book isn't for kids and the content can be pretty racy. If you aren't easily offended, however, it will probably be the most humorous book you read this year. I'd give it more than 5 stars if I could.

164 of 197 people found the following review helpful

1.0 out of 5 stars Very disappointed... July 16, 2008

By Vince A.

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase

Note to Kindle owners - download the first chapter of the book. If the first chapter makes you laugh then you may enjoy the book. If you're not laughing at that point it doesn't get much better.

I've just finished reading the book and it was one of the hardest times I've ever had finishing a book. Although there are a few laughs here and there, the book wasn't hilarious to say the least. You might laugh once and then wait another chapter or three before the next one comes along. I bought the book because of all of the "rave - laugh out loud" reviews I saw from other readers.

I didn't have a problem with the language, the off-color humor or any of the "offensive" things that were said in the book - it was just boring and not funny. What made it even worse is when some of the gags were used multiple times. For example in one story someone looks like they have Buckwheat in a leg-lock, a few chapters later someone looks like they have a clown in a leg-lock. Again, I was compelled to review this book because I couldn't believe so many people rated it 5-stars. I like her on TV, but the book was a snoozer.

38 of 45 people found the following review helpful

1.0 out of 5 stars Well ... she got the lying part right. April 21, 2011

By Yinzer Grrl

Format:Paperback

Chelsea is touted as one of the top comedy writers in the industry. This book is touted as "hilarious."

HOW can that BE?

At best, I may have smiled a time or two in the first few chapters (and honestly, that's as far as I got). What bothered me the most? She'd reference certain periods of time and consistently got facts wrong.

The book opens in 1984 with her lying to a boy about being a movie actress, in which she claims to have read everything about the making of the Breakfast Club. Odd, since that movie wasn't released until 1985. She finds herself in prison at the age of 21 (1996), wondering if they have Internet there. Odd, since, in 1996 most people had only a slight grasp of the internet (via AOL) and since it wasn't the easiest thing to navigate back then, the only ones addicted to it were geeks. During the strip search, she claims no one laughed at her "junk in the trunk" reference. Well that's most likely because no one USED that phrase back then. She goes on to say that after her release from prison, she'd (sarcastically) planned on researching the name of the woman for whom the jail was named, by googling it. Um. Come ON. There WAS no Google in 1996.

So is the entire book just a poorly written, poorly researched lie? How did this end up on ANY bestseller list? I couldn't take any more and stopped reading. I'll donate it. Maybe someone somewhere needs a good door stop.

64 of 79 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars I laughed a LOt May 4, 2008

By Harvey

Format:Kindle Edition|Amazon Verified Purchase

This is a laugh-out-loud book, great for the beach, not so good for a plane where your laughing will wake babies and make the other passengers jealous they don't have a copy. I got mine for my Kindle and I read it in one sitting. Seriously, pretty freaking funny.

18 of 20 people found the following review helpful

1.0 out of 5 stars This one was a misfire... sorry Chelsea fans. January 18, 2009

By L. Mackey

Format:Hardcover

This book was recommended to me by a friend who adores Chelsea. My friend and I have a similar (sick) sense of humor - but I disagreed with her on this book. The comedy felt forced, contrived and predictable - she was trying too hard. I forced myself to keep reading with hopes that it would get better - I only made it through half the book - I had to give up. This one was a misfire... sorry Chelsea fans. Personally, I just don't find her funny. In concept, Chelsea has all the right components for "funny", but again, she seems plastic to me - not genuinely funny.

98 of 123 people found the following review helpful

2.0 out of 5 stars What went wrong? May 3, 2008

By Laura Jean

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase

Let me first be clear that I love Chelsea Handler. I DVR her show every night, I've even been to a taping in her studio and I even have tickets to her upcoming standup appearance.

Her first book was hilarious, but this one just misses the mark. Yes, there were a handful of times that I burst out laughing - she is a brilliant comedian. But the book is extremely disjointed and it was a struggle to see it through to the end. Was she just trying to fill up space? And why is Chuey all over the cover (my guess - to sell books) he's not mentioned once in the book (except for in the Acknowledgements).

I really can't figure out if she tried too hard, or didn't try hard enough.

Blah...I recommend saving your money. Sorry Chels...

66 of 82 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars So hilarious! Couldn't put it down. April 28, 2008

By CRH

Format:Hardcover

All I can say is buy this book!!! I was reading it on my flight home yesterday and was laughing SO hard that people were staring at me...but I couldn't help it. Chelsea is just that funny! Her writing about her parents is the best. And as a redheaded woman, I agree with her about reheaded men from my own experience. I try to avoid them too. Plus, she's way funnier than that crazy Manc, Karl Pilkington.

When is the next one coming out, Chelsea?