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Armadillo Fists [Paperback]

Carlton Mellick III
4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (8 customer reviews)

Price: $10.95 & FREE Shipping on orders over $25. Details
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Book Description

December 16, 2011
A weird-as-hell gangster story set in a world where people drive giant mechanical dinosaurs instead of cars.

Her name is Psycho June Howard, aka Armadillo Fists, a woman who replaced both of her hands with living armadillos. She was once the most bloodthirsty fighter in the world of illegal underground boxing. But now she is on the run from a group of psychotic gangsters who believe she's responsible for the death of their boss. With the help of a stegosaurus driver named Mr. Fast Awesome--who thinks he is God's gift to women even though he doesn't have any arms or legs--June must do whatever it takes to escape her pursuers, even if she has to kill each and every one of them in the process.

Strange, engaging characters, breakneck pacing, and jam-packed with more brilliantly weird concepts than you'll know what to do with--this is cult author Carlton Mellick III at his best.

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Armadillo Fists + The Handsome Squirm + I Knocked Up Satan's Daughter: A Demonic Romantic Comedy
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Editorial Reviews

From the Back Cover

Praise for Carlton Mellick III

"Easily the craziest, weirdest, strangest, funniest, most obscene writer in America."
- GOTHIC MAGAZINE

"Carlton Mellick III has the craziest book titles... and the kinkiest fans!"
- CHRISTOPHER MOORE, author of The Stupidest Angel

"If you haven't read Mellick you're not nearly perverse enough for the twenty first century."
- JACK KETCHUM
, author of The Woman and The Girl Next Door

"Carlton Mellick III is one of bizarro fiction's most talented practitioners, a virtuoso of the surreal, science fictional tale."
- CORY DOCTOROW, author of Little Brother

"Bizarre, twisted, and emotionally raw--Carlton Mellick's fiction is the literary equivalent of putting your brain in a blender."
- BRIAN KEENE, author of The Rising and Dead Sea

"Carlton Mellick III exemplifies the intelligence and wit that lurks between its lurid covers. In a genre where crude titles are an art in themselves, Mellick is a true artist."
- THE GUARDIAN

"Just as Pop had Andy Warhol and Dada Tristan Tzara, the Bizarro movement has its very own P. T. Barnum-type practitioner. He's the mutton-chopped author of such books as Electric Jesus Corpse and The Menstruating Mall, the illustrator, editor, and instructor of all things Bizarro, and his name is Carlton Mellick III."
- DETAILS MAGAZINE

Product Details

  • Paperback: 168 pages
  • Publisher: Eraserhead Press (December 16, 2011)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1621050157
  • ISBN-13: 978-1621050155
  • Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.4 x 8.5 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 12.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (8 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #864,613 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Like a real world Kilgore Trout, cult author CARLTON MELLICK III has been pumping out some of the weirdest, trashiest, most imaginative books that you'll never want to admit you secretly love.

His books are released on a quarterly basis (every January, April, July, and October).

Best known as one of the leading authors of the bizarro fiction movement in literature, he is also one of the most prolific authors of his generation with over 40 books in print since 2001. He won the Wonderland Book Award for his novel "Warrior Wolf Women of the Wasteland" and has had short stories make it into The Year's Best Fantasy and Horror and The Best Bizarro Fiction of the Decade.

Although many of his earliest works are on the surreal and experimental side, his current style is to take the most ridiculous concepts imaginable and approach them with complete sincerity, as if they are not intended to be ridiculous at all. Always full of tongue-in-cheek humor, social satire, and told in a simplistic straightforward prose style similar to that of children's literature or early pulp fiction, Carlton Mellick III's work is one of a kind, to say the least.

He lives in Portland, OR, the bizarro mecca.

Customer Reviews

4.8 out of 5 stars
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4.8 out of 5 stars
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Bizarro-Crime Drama January 18, 2012
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
Armadillo Fists is the story of June Howard, who wants nothing more than to be a boxer. She has her fists replaced with armadillos to make her a better fighter. June is on the run from a group of gangsters, for killing their boss. The gangsters have names like Mr. Sorry and Rape Face and Mr. Marathon. They are all tattooed with the numbers 1-10, rating their rank in the organization. Tony, aka Mr. Fast Awesome, was once the greatest dino-driver in the racing circuit, and now he works for the same organization. He makes it his mission to help June at all costs. Mr. Fast awesome might be one of my favorite Carlton Mellick characters. He reminded me of a limbless Sly Guy Fry from Sausagey Santa.

There are so many amazing ideas in this book that I almost passed out while reading it. It is told in a non-linear fashion that will no doubt have many people relating it to Pulp Fiction. And I can see that, too, to the extent that it is a gangster story told out of order. That is where the similarities end.

This book is exactly the thing I've come to expect from Carlton Mellick III. And I think this might be one of his best books yet. It is smart and funny and weird and mind-blowing, and well... you just have to read it. This will obviously be a smash hit among Bizarro fans, but I can also see non-Bizarro fans enjoying it. It is the perfect Bizarro-crime drama. Highly recommended.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars One of Mellick's best yet December 29, 2011
Format:Paperback
I have read quite a few of Carlton Mellick's books and this one may be my favorite. The story is laid out in a Tarantino-like non-linear way and focuses on June (a boxer with armadillos for fists) and the events leading up to and following the killing of her boss. The other characters are a strange mix of gangsters with a variety of murderous talents who are ranked from 1 to 10 in order of toughness and are hell bent on finding/killing her. This book is fast paced, full of action, and contains all the twisted bizarro goodness you'd expect from Mr. Mellick.
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5.0 out of 5 stars great, short book April 16, 2013
By jt
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
I've read 7 or 8 carlton mellick books and a handful of others in the bizarro genre and this one was by far my favorite. Very quirky, eccentric characters, and fun storyline.
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