Customer Reviews

As For Me And My House: Crafting Your Marriage To Last

5 star:		(17)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

Walt Wangerin's gift for story telling is demonstrated undeniably in this marvelous book on the challenges of making marriage work. His powerfully transparent autobiographical sections moved me and drew me in, setting me up for his teachable moments, which are compelling and instructive. I wept with Wangerin as he told of the grace and forgiveness afforded him by his wife, knowing full well the liberating joy of being similarly forgiven by my wife of 26 years. This text is required reading at our church for couples preparing to marry. But it may be even more meaningful reading for those of us who have a decade or two of marital experience under our belts! Read and enjoy Walt Wangerin at his best!

I am a professional, full time marriage & family therapist, and part time pastor. I have spent a good deal of time searching for literature to suggest to my clients and members. This is it! The book is moving, compelling, revealing, and enriching all at the same time. Walter's openness and honesty in his own self revelations demonstrate for us the work of the grace of God in a Christian marriage.

As a Catholic priest, I use this book for Pre-Cana (before you get married)counseling. I think it's the best I've seen, and I've recommended it to my Bishop to be used in the curriculum of our seminary. Would that people read this before they got married ~ also good as an eye opener if you are married, and for no matter how long. As the Chairman of the Board of Examining Chaplains for my diocese (who oversees academic stuff before a man is considered for ordination), I'll tell you that this book will be required reading for any man before he becomes a priest with pastoral cares.
Bravo!!!

This is one unbelievably fantastic book. Wangerin is a wonderful storyteller. This book stands head and shoulders above other Christian books about marriage. The chapters on forgiveness are incredible. He is transparent and real as he shares from his own marriage. Use it to make your own marriage stronger. Give it to friends, those married and those contemplating marriage.

I've read many books on marriage. This one is at the top of my list.

My husband and I read this book for a bible study class and I really liked what I read. However, there were some chapters that were left out which I later read on my own. Of some of the terrible advice in this book, Wangerin advises cheating spouses, rather than confess to their spouse, to confess to a responsible, trustworthy Christian, in order to save the spouse from hurt. Also, he advises spouses who are beaten by their spouses to give their spouses several chances to stop abusing before kicking them out. Even then, he advises them to still give them another chance.

Regardless of whether you have been married for some time or are going to get married, this book is exceptionally well written, helpful, and well worth the time to read. In spite of all the well meaning people who try to advise the husband and wife to be, few if any seem able to explain what you can expect after marriage. "Everyone fights," "depression is normal," etc. etc. - who needs such meaningless, vague, and demoralizing statements? What each couple needs is this book - and if they can get it and use it before marriage, they will probably avoid a lot of heartache. Whether you are wondering "what is going to happen?" or "what just happened?" This book will be much more help than newspaper columns, confused friends, or dear old aunt Alice.

In the years leading up to marriage, and during the ten years I've been married, I've read MANY marriage books. My reading has not been sparked by any particular crisis, but rather, by a desire to make our marriage better. This book is the best! Many Christian marriage books paint the picture that the author has a perfect marriage. Wangerin puts away any such pretense and shows us his soul. In the process, we learn about ourselves. I encourage any couple to read this book, whether things are great, or heading toward divorce. Thank you to Wangerin for writing this book!

As a Lutheran pastor, I certainly have a soft spot for other well-written Lutheran pastors. Be that as it may, AS FOR ME AND MY HOUSE is, without a doubt, the most helpful resource I've found for couples who want to build a genuinely fruitful Christian marriage. I say "build" because a marriage does not happen overnight - it is constructed over years of companionship, trust and, lest we forget, forgiveness. No other resource that I've seen even comes close to describing the kind of work a successful marriage requires, and no other resource identifies forgiveness, not love, as the centerpiece of that rare gem, a fruitful Christian marriage. I give this book to my pre-marriage couples, but I would give it to a 60-years married couple with no hesitation, because I believe that they would learn from Walt (and Thanne's!) wisdom and counsel.

Walter Wangerin's "As For Me and My House" presents a relationally and spiritually pragmatic guide for building a lasting, Christian marriage. While the writing style edges towards maudlin on occasion, the book's core concepts are rock solid and presented in a clear language with even clearer examples. Wangerin's approach is to set aside the conventional wisdom about how relationships "should" be--absorbed through culture, church, and family---and address how individuals actually feel and how relationships could be if approached from what might be called a "servant's" perspective. Wangerin's effectiveness in articulating this approach is based upon his long experience as a pastor in counseling couples and his insistence on acknowledging that marriage is a rewarding, if at times, harrowing challenge. Several themes, emphasized through vignettes about his marriage, are expanded upon to provide concrete suggestions for action.

First, Wangerin addresses newlyweds by showing that marriage is, no matter how much time the couple has been dating, an altogether different type of relationship. He discusses in frank terms the struggle to absorb a new life together with new realities and new responsibilities. His honesty in addressing a couple's fears, unrealistic expectations, and occasional dismay with each other upon first being married serves the newly engaged or newly married reader by relieving the pressure of a "perfect" marriage. According to Wangerin, every newly married couple experiences these issues. Wangerin goes on to insist that marriage is in fact a leap into the unknown. From a conventional wisdom perspective, this is an unorthodox but intuitively satisfying perspective that frees the reader to being building their marriage with an optimist's realism.

The second portion of the book explores the central pillar of Wangerin's marriage philosophy: forgiveness. According to Wangerin, love is a necessary, but not sufficient condition to sustain a marriage. Above even love, the ability to forgive is the means by which a long and mutually satisfying marriage can be built. Moreover, developing the ability to forgive depends crucially a strong relationship with God. For Wangerin, forgiveness is less a gift from a magnanimous spouse who was been wronged and more a service to the spouse and the relationship. Different from forgiveness of wrongs suffered from those we are not in close relationship with, Wangerin insists on a much more aggressive approach to confronting sin in marriage. Without the sinner understanding the sin, neither true forgiveness or true repentance can take place.

The third portion of the book builds out what Wangerin calls a servant's approach to marriage by discussing the six tasks of a marriage: 1) Truthfullness and dependability, 2) Sharing the work of survival, 3) Talking and listening, 4) Making Love, 5)Healing, and 6) Gifting and volunteering. While nothing in this section would surprise the reader, the honesty with which it is written provides the reader with clear insights into how to approach serving one's spouse. Wangerin also to discusses adultery and abusive relationships which primarily draw upon his concept of forgiveness.

The strength of "As For Me and My House" as a guide to marriage rests in Wangerin's ability to translate Biblical principles into practical guides for improving one's relationship with their spouse. His credentials as a counseling pastor enable him to show real examples of the principles. Thus "As For Me and My House" is a book immediate impact which should prove useful to the reader with a genuine desire to build a spiritually satisfying marriage. The weakness of the book is that it was written almost twenty years ago and cultural norms and relationship patterns have changed significantly. Yet even while the reader may feel that Wangerin is coming from a different time, this does not in any way reduce the value and relevance of the lessons he seeks to teach.

I thought it was a great book written by a man about marriage from a man's standpoint and view. The author had great insight into what makes a marriage and the sins committed in marraige that lead to failure. Often times sins against the marriage are not things that most people would even consider as sins, but the insightful way in which the author explained them, made understanding where most mistakes are made and most sins happen that eventually lead to the breakdown within the marriage and even the end for some, but it doesn't have to happen. The author explains how it can be prevented and all from within the context of his marriage and it's breakdown from what most people would assume would be a great marriage between a clergy man and his wife.