Ask the Man Who Owns Him: The real lives of gay Masters and slaves [Paperback]

david stein (Author), David Schachter (Collaborator)

Book Description

ISBN-10: 098236931X | ISBN-13: 978-0982369319 | Publication Date: May 20, 2009

ASK THE MAN WHO OWNS HIM is the first book to present, in their own words, the real lives of long-term gay Master/slave couples and families. Sixteen slave­owners and their properties around the U.S. and in Canada welcomed the authors into their homes and spoke candidly about how each relationship started, how it evolved to meet the challenges of living in conventional society, and how it works today. All of these bonds have lasted for at least three years - some for well over a dozen years. These relationships are different from the Master/slave stereotypes of erotic fiction. They're also different from what you may find in how-to books and Internet postings on the subject. Instead of reading what a single writer says this lifestyle "should" be, discover what a generous sampling of gay Masters and slaves are actually doing. Most striking is how different their relationships are from each other. Tradeoffs are made, deals struck, and power exchanged in ways that work for these unique individuals pursuing their respective dreams. Who should read this book? Anyone who's wondered if being a Master or slave is right for him, or who wishes to understand this lifestyle better. If you've read the fantasies and felt something was missing, or tried the experts' prescriptions and found them wanting, this book is for you. ASK THE MAN WHO OWNS HIM describes real-life strategies and tactics for success. Joseph W. Bean, the famed BDSM author, teacher, and leather community organizer, says in his foreword: "No other book has accomplished what this one does. In these pages, you will discover that living as Master or slave means defining that life for yourself. Here, the man who is considering an M/s life, or living one and wondering if he is doing it 'right,' finds that 'right' and 'wrong' are not the operative terms. Good Mastery, good slavery, and good M/s relationships are the ones in which the men are true to themselves, living lives that are rewarding to both Masters and slaves."

Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher

The relationships presented in Ask the Man Who Owns Him are different from the Master/slave stereotypes of erotic fiction. They're also different from what you may find in how-to books and Internet postings on the subject. Instead of reading what a single writer says this lifestyle "should" be, discover what a generous sampling of gay Masters and slaves are actually doing.

Most striking is how different these relationships are from each other. Tradeoffs are made, deals struck, and power exchanged in ways that work for these unique individuals pursuing their respective dreams.

Who should read this book? Anyone who's wondered if being a Master or slave is right for him, or who wishes to understand this lifestyle better. If you've read the fantasies and felt something was missing, or tried the experts' prescriptions and found them wanting, this book is for you. Ask the Man Who Owns Him describes real-life strategies and tactics for success as a Master or a slave.

From the Back Cover

Joseph W. Bean, the famed BDSM author, teacher, and leather community organizer, says in his foreword: "No other book has accomplished what this one does. In these pages, you will discover that living as Master or slave means defining that life for yourself. Here, the man who is considering an M/s life, or living one and wondering if he is doing it 'right,' finds that 'right' and 'wrong' are not the operative terms. Good Mastery, good slavery, and good M/s relationships are the ones in which the men are true to themselves, living lives that are rewarding to both Masters and slaves."

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 240 pages
• Publisher: Perfectbound Press (May 20, 2009)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 098236931X
• ISBN-13: 978-0982369319
• Product Dimensions: 9.9 x 7 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (7 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #885,669 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

8 of 8 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Good night, Mr. Benson, July 2, 2009

By 

J. E. Bancroft (Upstate, NY) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Ask the Man Who Owns Him: The real lives of gay Masters and slaves (Paperback)

Even though my "family" is profiled in this book, it was true validation to read the other profiles to see that there is no particular rule or norm or protocol to be in a D/s relationship and make it work. Every story is unique and has its own path. Wonderful! Great writing and editing by david and David. Thanks to everyone who participated so that W/we could all get this validation!

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars At Last--How M/s Relationships Really Work!, August 2, 2009

By 

Tip Mc Guire "Curiousity Shopper" - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Ask the Man Who Owns Him: The real lives of gay Masters and slaves (Paperback)

Author slave david stein's and collaborator David Schachter`s genius lies in their ability to listen. How much easier it would have been to launch into flights of erotic fantasy--but, no. They listen to the real lives of gay men having successful long term Master/slave relationships--however the men involved define it.
As the Chapter Leader of Masters And slaves Together (MAsT NY) I have used Ask the Man Who Owns Him for discussion groups and readings. This book is an invaluable resource, both personally for those involved in Dominant/submissive relationships and for those who are just testing the waters for themselves--and want/need a reality check.
This book confirms that not only do these relationships exist, but they can be successful. And they can be successful in ways which erotic fiction never dreams.

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Do Ask, Do Tell, September 12, 2009

By 

Tim Brough "author and music buff" (Springfield, PA United States) - See all my reviews
(TOP 1000 REVIEWER)    (VINE VOICE)   

This review is from: Ask the Man Who Owns Him: The real lives of gay Masters and slaves (Paperback)

In 1996, in the 14th issue of the long gone Magazine "International Leatherman," David Stein guest edited and produced a volume that was strictly about real life Master and slave couples. Oddly enough, it was not one of the magazine's better selling volumes (frankly, no jo stories...), but it soon became a highly sought collector's issue. It laid out, in detail, that these folks not only existed, but they were RARELY similar.

Over 10 years later, David revisits this idea on "Ask The Man Who Owns Him." While the criterion for inclusion in this book is similar (gay male couples identifying as M/s in relationships for at least 3 years), the couples profiled are anything but. There's polyamory, monogamy, strict protocols, deep spirituality, deep division. They live together, they're separated by state lines. They self identify in all manner of 'title.' Some came into their relationships naturally, others evolved, some were seeming thrust into them. These pairings are everything but interchangeable.

Yet for so many fetish fantasists, all M/s relationships are invariable. Even David's own highly recommended Carried Away: An S/M Romance is still fiction. Such assorted hogwash as "Mr. Benson," "The Story of O," et al give distorted views that can't sustain a real world challenge. "Ask The Man Who Owns Him" does a great deal to dispel the mythology that has too long lingered around true practitioners of this life, who invited David Stein and David Schachter into their homes and personal worlds. This book is NOT someone telling you they know what you want and how to get it. This book reclaims the fringe that - in some circles - would portray these folk as outlaw sexualists.

Even as the men (and in a few cases here, women) would probably snort at that 'outlaw' description, there is one thing that "Ask The Man Who Owns Him" does show as a common denominator. Each of the men that have bonded in these relationships truly care about each other. Be their references Master, slave, owner, property or however they refer to themselves, they are all couples. They're all for real. It's the reality portrayed by "Ask The Man That Owns Him" that makes the book invaluable.

Full Disclosure - I am friends with several of the couple portrayed in the book, but that my friendship should not all dissuade you from reading it.