Customer Reviews

Ask the Man Who Owns Him: The real lives of gay Masters and slaves

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4 star:		(1)
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Even though my "family" is profiled in this book, it was true validation to read the other profiles to see that there is no particular rule or norm or protocol to be in a D/s relationship and make it work. Every story is unique and has its own path. Wonderful! Great writing and editing by david and David. Thanks to everyone who participated so that W/we could all get this validation!

Author slave david stein's and collaborator David Schachter`s genius lies in their ability to listen. How much easier it would have been to launch into flights of erotic fantasy--but, no. They listen to the real lives of gay men having successful long term Master/slave relationships--however the men involved define it.
As the Chapter Leader of Masters And slaves Together (MAsT NY) I have used Ask the Man Who Owns Him for discussion groups and readings. This book is an invaluable resource, both personally for those involved in Dominant/submissive relationships and for those who are just testing the waters for themselves--and want/need a reality check.
This book confirms that not only do these relationships exist, but they can be successful. And they can be successful in ways which erotic fiction never dreams.

In 1996, in the 14th issue of the long gone Magazine "International Leatherman," David Stein guest edited and produced a volume that was strictly about real life Master and slave couples. Oddly enough, it was not one of the magazine's better selling volumes (frankly, no jo stories...), but it soon became a highly sought collector's issue. It laid out, in detail, that these folks not only existed, but they were RARELY similar.

Over 10 years later, David revisits this idea on "Ask The Man Who Owns Him." While the criterion for inclusion in this book is similar (gay male couples identifying as M/s in relationships for at least 3 years), the couples profiled are anything but. There's polyamory, monogamy, strict protocols, deep spirituality, deep division. They live together, they're separated by state lines. They self identify in all manner of 'title.' Some came into their relationships naturally, others evolved, some were seeming thrust into them. These pairings are everything but interchangeable.

Yet for so many fetish fantasists, all M/s relationships are invariable. Even David's own highly recommended Carried Away: An S/M Romance is still fiction. Such assorted hogwash as "Mr. Benson," "The Story of O," et al give distorted views that can't sustain a real world challenge. "Ask The Man Who Owns Him" does a great deal to dispel the mythology that has too long lingered around true practitioners of this life, who invited David Stein and David Schachter into their homes and personal worlds. This book is NOT someone telling you they know what you want and how to get it. This book reclaims the fringe that - in some circles - would portray these folk as outlaw sexualists.

Even as the men (and in a few cases here, women) would probably snort at that 'outlaw' description, there is one thing that "Ask The Man Who Owns Him" does show as a common denominator. Each of the men that have bonded in these relationships truly care about each other. Be their references Master, slave, owner, property or however they refer to themselves, they are all couples. They're all for real. It's the reality portrayed by "Ask The Man That Owns Him" that makes the book invaluable.

Full Disclosure - I am friends with several of the couple portrayed in the book, but that my friendship should not all dissuade you from reading it.

This book is a fantastic *real-life* resource for everyone with interest in D/s (Master/slave, Daddy/boy, etc) dynamics and relationships. Book interviews dozen of couples and covers a wide range of relationship "types" (and I was shocked to find that it even includes ones like mine).

I consider myself to be new in the D/s dynamics, and my husband, a Daddy-in-training, really enjoys the new connection with me but otherwise he wouldn't go out and seek it. Guess how surprised I was that book actually covered a couple in the similar situation.

Both my Daddy and I are somewhat intimidated by other literature out there - yea, it's hot and exciting, but it's not sustainable and real (and let me tell you, reality can be more mind blowing that all fantasies combined). So, my immediate reaction was 'honey, you should read this, there are others like us'! Besides being a huge reassurance, there are tons of ideas and D/s relationship tips you can pick up. I just wish I had this book when Daddy and I started.

I also believe that this book will be tremendous read for more experienced D/s readers.

To be up front, slave david stein and David Schachter are both friends of mine, so excuse any bias of mine. I know something of their journeys. This book is seasoned with those journeys, making it even more relevant and based in reality. I recommend the book to newcomers and to the seasoned member of the community.

The book helped me reaffirm my needs and desires, as well as my commitment to be a contributing man in the D/s, Master/slave, Daddy/boy, etc. community.

Thank you David and david for your fine work.

Nothing this important has been written for the gay BDSM world since the Leatherman's Handbook first came out.

This book is built around a collection of interviews with gay Masters and their slaves. It provides a fascinating glimpse into a world most people never encounter except through porn - and this shows us just how far the reality is from porn. These are real men, warts and all.

There is much that is extremely honest and revealing here, but nothing pornographic - it is about how these men have managed to build and maintain their lives in a way that makes sense to them. One of the striking things is just how different each couple is, and how far removed they are from the stereotypes that might first come to mind. These are real men, who love and care for each other - but just not in a way that most people would relate to.

The writer shows real skill in the way he elicits stories from the men, he lets them speak, but is also able to pull out the key themes from each one.

This is a fascinating piece of unexplored gay social history. Even if you're not into this world yourself, I am pretty sure you'll find it a great read and insight into this world.

I loved reading all of the accounts included in the book! It really helped me to learn more about and to see deeper into the realtime M/s world. I highly recommend this to anyone who wants to know more about what actually goes on in these type of relationships.