Customer Reviews

Ask Me About My Divorce: Women Open Up About Moving On

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I found out about this book on Monday and ordered it next-day delivery from amazon.com, read it on Tuesday, and felt the need to promote it on Wednesday. The book is a collection of stories all written by women who have gone through divorce - and are now better for it.

Some of the writing is frank and confessional: "I came hard watching girl-on-girl sex." Some is lyrical: "Grief begins to rise like a tide then, seeking that deep groove to flow into." Painful humor abounds: "I put the lawyer through law school, he put me in the loony bin. We called it even and got divorced."

I see myself in every story in the book, even the one written by an immigrant German ex-polygamist who left not only her husband, but her sister wife. Our lives couldn't be more disparate, but we have something in common - recovering from emotionally abusive relationships and becoming strong women.

When Sy, the 58-year-old I was dating last, told me that I was just like every woman who goes through a divorce, and he could basically tell me what stages to expect next, I said incredulously, "Thanks for letting me know I'm typical." At the time, it didn't sit well with me. I was just starting find myself, my voice, and my identity. I didn't want to be like anybody else. But after reading the stories in this book, I realize that, yes, I am typical. Not necessarily a bad thing. Every woman who experiences divorce has her own spin to put on it. Stories may overlap, but no two are identical. Each voice is unique and valuable. Each variation adds to the whole complex composition of "divorce."

The editor, Candace Walsh (great first name! and she spells it correctly!), along with a few of the authors, will be doing readings at Skylight Books on May 21. My growing posse of LA Divorcees and I will be in attendance, book in hand. Eager to meet the women who are exposing the fact that divorce is neither a 4-letter word nor the end of the world. Typically, it's the beginning.

Ask Me About My Divorce is a gathering of voices, a cross section of women from every walk of life who have finally found just that, their voices.
Each essay has its element of gut wrenching sorrow, moments that make me a woman who has lost and loved, cry - yet, the sorrow is just a piece of the whole - these stories are monumental moments of jubilation - sorrow becomes freedom becomes joy.

I am neither married, nor divorced, but I celebrate the individuality of these voices that echo like a battle cry, "I will no longer be silent, I will no longer be fearful, I will awaken and I will be the woman I was meant to be."
No one enters marriage thinking of it crumbling just like that unpreserved bridal bouquet - brittle flowers turned to powder at the touch. But. Should it happen, there should be no shame, no stigmas - Ask Me About My Divorce opens up the dialog for each of us to share and talk about our relationships.

Like a Matryoshka (Russian Nested doll), these intricate tales stack neatly into an overarching thread of divorcing, and finding ones self and entirely new take on life - what could be more powerful and inspirational than that?

For People who tend to blame themselves when things go wrong- this book is reassuring and insightful. Perhaps bad things happen for reasons yet to be understood...The authors of the short stories in this book deserve a lot of credit. They've taken a chance, put themselves out there and written from the heart. Most importantly, they've taken the time to explore their own personal challenges and reveal what they are learning about loss in order to help others. If you don't dare to love, learn and explore new possibilities- you can't grow. These women have grown.

This book is important for anyone who dares to dream, pursue goals, stumble, dust themselves off and stand up stronger. This book is for anyone who longs to do these things. You don't have to be married, divorced or a woman to appreciate the message in this book. It's for everyone.

This new book's chapter entitled, "The Love List" was written by my childhood friend & budding new author Julie Hammonds.

The author has so much to give. She a high school valedictorian, a varsity swimmer, a thoughtful friend & the recipient of a full scholarship to Harvard for her studies in biology. She's soft spoken with a terrific smile. She's lovely inside and out. She chose to study environmental science at UC Berkeley. When she married, they made their own kayaks & traveled waterways all over the U.S. and landed in Alaska. She's an environmentalist. He's a journalist.

Julie's greatest attribute (it's hard to pick one) is her thoughtful & inspired writing style. She's always shared her personal view of the world through beautiful poignant language....no less so when she was stunned by her own divorce.

"It began as so may things do in my life, with a list. First, a list of losses: a 7 year marriage, a home, the feeling of security that comes when you know you belong to one particular person & place. After my husband told me he was done with our marriage & ready to move on, these losses were inevitable...These losses would take place, whether I was ready or not."

I couldn't put this book down. It was so powerful, and so encouraging. I felt like I had 28 new best friends.

I ordered this book to send to a young lady who is struggling to survive an unexpected divorce. Being in my mid sixties and divorced years ago, I wanted to be certain the book would offer her encouragement, hope, and some tools for moving on. Without exception, these authors proved there is a bright light at the end of the challenging tunnel called divorce, and I'm confident my friend will find comfort, strength and direction through the honest stories presented here. My sincere "Thank You" to the editor, each contributor, and the publisher for this book.


The personal surprise for me, however, came while reading a chapter called "The Love List". Being a recently unemployed, and sometimes discouraged mature woman, I decided to create my own "Love List", complete with crayons! No matter our age or the challenges we are facing, the words of this writer ring true. Our future plans must ". . . begin in the fertile ground of love." I'm not suggesting that my list will lead me to employment, but it's nice to have a visible and colorful list to remind me of the many Blessings I have, and of the dreams yet to be fulfilled. I hope others who are struggling will also "Pull out the crayons".

I found the writing by A. Solomon reflective and moving. I can feel the palpable hardship in her words and for which I have a great deal of empathy, understanding. I also acknowledge and praise her for surviving the way she did and had to. I can tell the writer saw through her pain and struggle into a light of rebirth which for the reader(myself) was invoking and refreshing.

This anthology is a collection of dynamic, reflective, well-written essays that deftly illuminate the transformative potential of loss. These are stories of brave women who used devastating circumstances to successfully reinvent their lives. If you've checked into the Heartbreak Hotel, let this inspiring book encourage you to take the next healing step.--Melissa Chianta, Mothering Magazine

Being in the throes of divorce, I found this book at the perfect time and stayed up until 2 a.m. reading it last night. It was such a relief to read the words I've felt. Not a single essay describes divorce in a self-pitying, insurmountable way and for that, I am grateful. Many people look at me as if I have cancer when I say I'm getting divorced, and then they take a step backwards, for fear of catching it. They assume I'm distraught or extremely angry, where in actuality, as so many of the essays in Ask Me About My Divorce describe, there are a wide range of other emotions divorced women can feel. And some of them even include joy, relief, and the thrill of dating again and having hot sex. Walsh's essay and many more make me excited, not afraid, for what's to come on my journey through divorce.

This is a wonderful book, full of good friends getting together to dish on what works, what doesn't and what makes them happy. Finally the idea that divorce can be a good thing, for everyone, is celebrated here by people who know. Certainly divorce can be tragic, and it's not the beginning for everyone, but it's time we moved past saying "I'm so sorry" because for some it's a true commencement,and this collection of essays is the reminder that there is often good on the other side of rotten. Spend an evening with these women, you will enjoy every last word.

WOW!!!!It was really nice to read that other's have had similiar situations...When going through really tuff times,feeling down and out after reading this book I felt like I was no longer alone...I laughed,cried and learned..THANK YOU all for helping me move forward,ESPECIALLY Candace Walsh for putting yourself out there and looking out for others by putting this together..SIMPLY AMAZING!!!!!