Customer Reviews

An Asperger Marriage

5 star:		(2)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(3)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

First comment: Flog the editor. Perhaps the cumbersome and confusing writing-style was intentional; however, I fear that it was merely sloppy.
Second comment: Having AS myself, I was hoping for insights into coping and avoiding pitfalls. Instead, what I got was a chronicle of another couple's fumbles, stumbles and misunderstandings. I suppose the book lived up to its title; it never promised that it contained solutions or recommendations, merely that it was about An Asperger Marriage. I am still surprised by Tony Attwood's endorsement of this book.
Summary: If you want a peak into the lives of one "Asperger Marriage", this book may be for you. If, on the other hand, you're looking for advice and guidance, keep looking. (and let me know when you find it!)

My partner and I are both on the autistic spectrum, and we've been buying a number of books to help us be aware of the potential pitfalls we may face in our relationship. While "Asperger Marriage" is an interesting account of a couple in which one partner is autistic and the other is not, it should not be thought of as the type of "self-help" book that my girlfriend and I thought it was. Rather, those in such relationships would do better to regard it as an example of possible difficulties they themselves may be facing in their relationships, not as a source of guidance on how to address and overcome those difficulties. Provided the reader enters into the reading with that in mind, "Asperger Marriage" is a worthwhile book for those in similar relationships.

I must concur with my fellow Aspies on this title. It should be called How To Have An Abusive Relationship With An Aspie, pure and simple. Gisela Slater-Walker ought to get on her knees every night and thank the stars she is not married to someone like me, because not all Aspies can be cruelly dominated over as she does with her husband. Living for over twenty years with abuse from family, schoolteachers, and doctors that can all be in some way linked to undiagnosed AS does not make for the kind of man who responds to having dishes thrown at walls near him with just a change in expression. That's an in-joke, by the way.

The implication is also made that Asperger's Syndrome prevents one from having an understanding relationship with another human being. This, as my past two girlfriends whom I have just spoken with on this subject can testify, is one half bull, and the other half... well, you get the idea. Sure, it takes a bit more work than it does for those who take their understanding of social cues for granted, but that does not make it impossible. [...]

This book is such a joke that you can tell the difference between a normie and an Aspie with one simple test. Aspies would not give this book more than two stars.

This book, quite frankly, encourages people married to Asperger people to abuse their Asperger partner. It is a step-by-step guide on how to abuse a spouse and get away with it.

In the book Gisela admits quite openly that she knows her husband Chris has Asperger's Syndrome, but she also says that she does not want to know anything about Asperger's. She doesn't want to know why her husband behaves the way he does.

In the book it is obvious Gisela abuses Chris and has brainwashed him into believing that everything is his fault. If she's a messy housekeeper, he says that it's his fault because he has Aperger's. If she throws away some of his personal possessions, he's afraid that she will get mad at him for it, even though she is the one who threw them away.

When Gisela is angry, she will not tell Chris why she is angry. Instead, she yells and screams, even though she knows that this will disturb him (becaues persons with Asperger's have very sensitive hearing) and throws dishes at the wall.

This book is not at all helpful to people who have Asperger's or to their spouses. I gave it to my partner to read, and he agreed; he did not find anything in there that has any relevance to our relationship.

A terrific book for spouses of someone with Asperger's Syndrome! "Self-help" begins only when one understands the difficult, often heartbreaking situation of trying to share a life with an "Aspie." This book provides a window into the frustration and self-doubts that can result when one is married to a husband with Asperger's, as I have been for twenty years.
Thank you, Gisela and Chris!

The way the book is written is very helpful. The chapters are short and each chapter gives actual examples of what therapists have found to be true about individuals on the Asperger's spectrum. I especially found it helpful for the NT or individual in a relationship with an Aspie who is not on the Asperger's spectrum. The book gives good suggestions for handling situations.

My step son and husband have just been diagnosed with AS and this book made me thankful that my husband is on the higher functioning end of AS. Not to say that we don't have some of the same problems that the couple in the book have. This is a good book for people just learning of diagnosis to realize that they are not alone. However, if you are looking for a self help book this isn't the book.

Many people around the world have found difficulties in a Asperger's marriage (if only one of the couple has it). This book identifies by specific example how the differences of thought processing and outlook on life can lead to total lack of communication and understanding between two well meaning individuals who actually do love each other.

Gisela and Chris write from their own personal experiences, and through their effort are attempting to show others that a marriage can succeed when an "aspie" (an individual with Asperger's Syndrome) marries a "non-aspie". They each write a short essay on the same subject--and by reading both essays, it is easy to see how the lack of common viewpoint causes problems in understanding. It is an excellent starting point for you and your spouse to discuss some of the problems that may be vexing your own marriage.

This book would not be educational for a marriage with 2 aspies, nor for one with 2 non-aspies. After all, that marriage has different problems, but none of the problems are caused by the aspie/non-aspie lack of understanding. The number of cases of identified Asperger's Syndrome world wide is greatly increasing, and there are many unsuspecting couples who are facing the AS problems that Chris and Gisela discuss. Perhaps this book will help you save your marriage??