Customer Reviews

Asperger Syndrome in the Family Redefining Normal: Redefining Normal

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It wasn't until I read this book that I finally understood some of what my Asperger's son is going through. Although I have read many clinically oriented books, and I cognitively understood what was going on, it was this book that helped me to emotionally understand him.

This book led me to level with his siblings about his problem and add them to his support team rather than leaving them in the wake of his embarassing behavior and telling them to leave him alone. This book spoke very powerfully about needing and giving comfort to those who are scared -- and all of us are scared of something sometime. The author spoke convincingly of comfort packs that a person can take with them if they anticipate stress and need to be calmed. After reading that, I looked quite differently at my teenagers' Walkmans and my Asperger's son's unusual choice of modern equivalents to his old security blanket.

This book had a very positive effect on how my family has responded to all of our children, but especially my son with Asperger's.

The fact that this book was written by someone with Asperger's has another impact: hope for a supportive and fullfilling adult life for my son.

I would recommend this book to someone who is somewhat familier with the disorder. It wouldn't be the first book to read, but maybe the second or third.

When I learned that Liane Holliday-Willey had written a second book on Asperger's syndrome, I raced to amazon.com to buy it. I was not disappointed, but, found out that, in fact, Dr. Holliday-Willey exceeded my expectations in a well-written work which skillfully intersperses her personal observations with hints and helps for anyone connected with Asperger's syndrome. This book should be required reading for anyone remotely connected with Asperger's, be it a person with AS him/herself, a spouse, friend, "significant other," parent, relative, or teacher of a person with Asperger's syndrome. Liane Willey has a wonderful, poetic style of writing and I look forward to future works from her.

Mary (AS adult)

I am the "significant other" of a newly diagnosed Aspie. Last week I ended our one year plus relationship because I just couldn't face another day of trying to solve the NT/Aspie puzzle. I was trapped in a vicious cycle of confussion, frustration, anger, resentment and guilt. I searched the Internet endlessly for an answer...what is Asperger's Syndrome? The clinical definitions and observations were useless. I wanted to know why the man I loved chose to repeat previous conversations verbatim, mimic the gestures and actions of others and stand uncomfortably close to complete strangers. This book gave me the answers and it gave me hope. It has become my "owner's guide" or my "operating manual" if you will. Thanks to Liane Holliday Wiley I have found renewed strength to fight for the man I love.

I recommend this book even if you haven't read Liane Holliday Willey's previous book "Pretending to be Normal". It gives practical suggestions on how to deal with your daily life if you or a family member has Asperger Syndrome. I have used several of the suggestions myself. I believe there is a huge gap in the Asperger community that is starting to correct itself. That is, once you are diagnosed then...what do you do? After the initial relief of having a NAME for your disorder, what's next? I think that this book is another step toward self awareness. I highly recommend adding it to your Asperger library.

A great book for anyone associated with family's who live with Asperger Syndrome. Practical ideas are interwoven among interesting stories told from a first person perspective. This author knows how to hold the reader's attention and how to teach without preaching. I highly recommend this book. J.P.

I have read many books on Asperger's Syndrome, but this is the book that will really help you understand people with Asperger's. The author has a terrific perspective from both being an Aspie herself and having a child with Asperger's. It is written very clearly and addresses the issues of concern to parents. This is the #1 book on this topic that I would recommend to parents.

I have read her first book, "Pretending To Be Normal" and thought I was reading about myself. I have never been diagnosed with AS but have suspected that I have it for as long as I have known the condition existed.

This book is a combination of her family's story and advice from her perspective on marriage, child-rearing, and family living based on her experience as an "Aspie", in addition to being the parent of one and possibly the daughter of one as well. Much of the advice would apply to anyone. She does not discuss sexuality, since doing so would go places she might consider too personal to put in a book, but there are other books which address this.

She also mentions things that some people don't think about, like the suicide rate among autistic people (yes, it's much higher than average) and persuades people not to use drugs and alcohol as a substitute for a social life.

I especially appreciated her advice to not be ashamed of yourself or your "Aspie" relative, and on social skills development.

This book wouldn't be applicable to a lower-functioning person, but for someone who can, for instance, go to regular school, it's just right.

Liane Holiday Wiley's Redefining Normal: Asperger's Syndrome in the Family is an interesting look in the life of a family with members diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, a condition on the autism spectrum. Wiley does provide insightful and heartwarming tales regarding Asperger's Syndrome in her family, and being on the spectrum herself, she is able to do so much better than a professional or a family member of an "Aspie" would be. However, as in her first book, Pretending to be Normal: Living with Asperger's Syndrome, she often flips back and forth between her belief that being an Aspie is an acceptable way to be and being better now that she's closer to being a Neurotypical (non-Autistic). Also, sometimes she makes blanket statements about what Aspies like and don't like, and doesn't clarify that not all of them are the same. For example, at one part she says, "I am of the opinion that far away is better than near and close", but she doesn't explain that many Aspies feel the opposite, unless she does imply that and I've missed it. In addition, she claims that "while life without touch can be difficult for the NT, life with touch can be just as difficult for the Aspie", which is true, but again, she doesn't clarify, or maybe she doesn't know, that there are some Aspies for which the opposite is true. Also, when explaining about how to hold "proper" conversations, Wiley seems beholden to the idea that there's only way, and does not acknowledge that some people may in fact enjoy the random strings of information that often make up Aspie conversations. Another thing that I'll criticize is while her advice is helpful it's very culturally biased as well. For example, when she educates on how to answer to "how are you?", she says that only doctors need to hear a literal answer, yet I know that in some countries, people who are not doctors ask the question literally, and Wiley does not mention that fact. Also, some of the advice in Appendix II on how to tell if your child may be an Aspie is, frankly, either more applicable for classical autism and not Asperger's (for example, going to the library instead of the cafeteria- an Aspie is more likely to, provided the kids don't have to sit with their classes, want to sit with others, but not have anyone to sit with, and late in acquiring speech- Aspies usually speak when kids are expected to start speaking, or even earlier), or could be applied to many kids, whether autistic or neurotypical (for example, saying inappropriate things, lacking empathy, needing lots of reassurance when things go wrong, not understanding expressions, not being interested in the other's side of the conversation). This is not Willey's fault that she mentions these characteristics, and they do tend to be more noticeable in autistics than neurotypicals, but this is one of the reasons it's hard to diagnose autism in children, because so many behaviors and traits are common in many children. I'm very sorry for my run-on sentences, by the way.
Don't get me wrong, I did enjoy reading this and I think it hold great advice for both Aspies and Neurotypicals, but I would recommend it with the above reservations in mind.

Liane Holliday Willey has written an account of her family's life with Asperger's Syndrome that may make you laugh just as often as it brings a tear to your eye. With great sincerity and a special kind of bravery, Willey exposes herself and her family members with Asperger's in an exceptionally moving manner. Wiley has her doctorate in psycho-linguistics and is an well qualified and eloquent spokesperson for those on the autism spectrum. She is married and has three children.

The author worries about her young daughter with AS. "I think about my daughter and her future... I want things to be easier for her. I want the world to work harder when it meets people who are different." Yet she also recognizes the often overlooked strengths and positives of "aspies". "We can teach you to follow the right path instead of the wrong, for few have a moral code as stringent as ours." Willey's book unfolds as a series of reflections and not a biographical sketch. She talks about the ups and downs of aspie marriage, accentuating the positive side of obsessions, and the importance of balance, which can be difficult for the aspie to find and maintain.

Throughout the book, there are helpful bullet points and lists, such as "10 Traits Aspies Struggle With", which begins with number one, inflexible and rigid thinking, and goes on to number ten, language and communication which goes beyond a literal level. There's also the very useful topic, "Socializing the Aspie Way". Here she sets out some critical rules for positive social experiences, such as "keep party gatherings small", "set time limits for your socializing", and "prompt the aspie to rely on an innocuous calming stim when they get too nervous in public."

I highly recommend this book for anyone who wishes to better understand people with Asperger's or Asperger type traits. People with AS are different from the norm, but that doesn't always mean something negative. Once allowed to get close, no friend will ever be so loyal, and few others will have the same drive to learn about subjects of particular interest.

This book gave me a perspective of how a mother with asperger's syndrome handles herself and raising 3 girls, one of which has asperger's syndrome also, and keeping her marriage healthy and happy. She is an incredible woman to have accomplished all of this and a successful career also. It give me hope for my son with asperger's.