Asperger Syndrome and Long-Term Relationships [Paperback]

Ashley Stanford (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: December 20, 2002 | ISBN-10: 1843107341 | ISBN-13: 978-1843107347 | Edition: 1

Ashley Stanford is married to a man with Asperger Syndrome, and her book provides the answers to many of the questions asked by the increasing number of people in that situation. She explains how behaviors that may have appeared odd - or even downright irritating - are the manifestation of AS, and shows how understanding can lead to greater tolerance or to change. Stanford provides a wealth of strategies for living successfully with the more uncompromising aspects of AS, pointing out that AS also brings enormous strengths to a relationship, and emphasizes the value of understanding. Including many quotes from people in long-term AS relationships, the book describes many positive solutions that have worked for other couples.

Editorial Reviews

Review

'I cannot possibly make a list of all the things Ashley's book covers. There are too many! Good idea, after well-researched concept, followed by illustrative example and elaborated suggestions pile one on top of the other until a tower strong and solid enough to withstand all sorts of interpersonal uproar stands smack dab in front of the reader. This book is a keeper. A have-to-have. It is the very book I would hand any adult involved in an Asperger Syndrome, neurotypical relationship. It really is that good. And I do not say that lightly.'- from the Foreword by Liane Holliday Willey'This publication is aimed at those in relationships, at other family members and friends, and at care staff in contact with individuals with AS, or with families where AS is present (or suspected) in one of the adult partners.' - Care & Health Magazine

About the Author

Ashley Stanford has worked as a technical writer for 11 years and has published many technical guides, teacher guides, parent guides and children's activity books. Her husband and her two sons have Asperger Syndrome.

Product Details

• Paperback: 288 pages
• Publisher: Jessica Kingsley Publishers; 1 edition (December 20, 2002)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1843107341
• ISBN-13: 978-1843107347
• Product Dimensions: 6 x 0.7 x 9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (28 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #129,153 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #49 in Books > Education & Reference > Schools & Teaching > Special Education > Communicative Disorders

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

56 of 59 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Best AS Relationship book I've read January 2, 2007

By Rebecca A. Vanhout

Format:Paperback

I read this book 4 years ago, when I was in a very desperate search for information to save my marriage. Ashley Sanford gave me a lot of hope, where other books on the subject offered little. This book made a big difference in my approach to issues in my relationship and I highly recommend it to anyone in a relationship with a partner on the spectrum.

55 of 58 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars It's Got the Goods May 25, 2008

By Stuart R. Ward

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

Thinking I maybe had Asperger's (later found out I didn't), I sent away for a half-dozen books on Asperger's from Amazon. This book, written by a N/T with an Aspie marriage partner, resonated with me best. Each book I've gleaned or finished has its strengths. "Pretending to be Normal" offering a sometimes confusing and painful but vivid and earnest first-hand account; "Aspergers in Love" digesting sometimes revealing, sometimes sketchy results from interviewing 41 adults, mostly men, with AS; and "The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome" with its definitive, in-depth knowledge. Ashley Stanford's book, though, I felt, cut right to the chase. It's very straightforward, intelligent, illuminating and compassionate -- offering a bulleted list of traits in the first few pages, along with a summary and example of the various diagnostic criteria used around the world. While aimed at the N/T partner to better cope and appreciate an Aspy partner's often alternate-universe ways, it doubles as a heartfelt revelation and validation for anyone with Asperger's or possessing a few Aspie traits (I'm faceblind and ultrasensitive to sound, for instance). It offers compassionate understanding on making unlikely relationships work. For anyone who thinks they might be or know of an Aspie and wants to better appreciate and grok their rarefied realities, or better understand the mysteries of human behavior in general, this book's a gem.

From her introduction: "I believe that someday we will wake up as a civilization and realize that the Aspie traits that now confuse us are part of the core of human progress."

37 of 38 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Saved my marriage of 23 years November 15, 2009

By S. Roman

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

I purchased this book a month ago in a last ditch effort to save my 23 year marriage to a man with Asbergers and to better understand our triplets w/As as well. The boys always had the dx but my husband was hesitant to accept the diagnosis. Although I knew what AS was and felt I was very knowledgable I wasn't. This book really takes you from the begining of a diagnosis, TO HOW TO AFFECTIVELY COMMUNICATE AND UNDERSTAND YOURSELF AND YOUR AS FAMILY MEMBER. This book is wonderful not just for marriages will work for any relationship w/ an AS. My AS son is in a relationship with an AS girl, and asked me if he could borrow the book,:)
Our marriage of 23 years a month ago was ready to blow up in smoke. Is now on the road to a comfortable place of understanding and communication.

71 of 78 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars Aspie (and all) marriages are works in progress April 11, 2004

By Carol Watkins VINE™ VOICE

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

In this book a woman tells of the joys and struggles of living with a husband and children who have Asperger Syndrome. She also draws on the experiences of others who have had lived with "Aspie" partners. She honestly describes her own difficulties understanding and translating her husband's reactions into her own more emotionally demonstrative frame of reference.

I got the impression that she would have liked her husband to write more about his perspective on their relationship. He does give some information but he is not an "express your emotions" type of guy.

I have refered several people to this book. It is good for individuals who are learning to appreciate and deal with a family member with Aspergers. At the same time this book has something to say for any couple who despite vast differences, strive to understand each other and make a long term relationship work.

47 of 52 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Best AS relationship book I've read January 13, 2003

By A Customer

Format:Paperback

I have a son with autism and have thought about his future, especially when it comes to close relationships with others. This book is the most clear-cut and informational adult AS book out there. It has a fun tone to it and is easy to read. It makes the diagnostic criteria understandable. This book will be beneficial for spouses to read, as well as other close relationships--parents, business partners, siblings, friends. I highly recommend this book, not only to adults, but also parents who are anticipating the future with their AS and ASD children.

29 of 31 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Perfect for understanding adults with Asperger Syndrome November 11, 2007

By Teresa Bevin

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

I am a therapist, but found that most of the literature about Asperger Syndrome was geared toward children. There are thousands of adults who have been wondering all their lives why they are so different. This book will help those with Asperger and those who love them understand what this is all about much better.

23 of 24 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars A valuable resource for AS/non-AS partnerships April 5, 2009

By Nancy K. Peardon

Format:Paperback

This was the most helpful book in actually explaining to the reader what the DSM-IV-TR diagnostic criteria for adult AS actually translates to, in layman's terms, and what those criteria may look like to a non-Asperger partner. For non-AS/AS partners who want their relationships to get better, who know they love one another and who desire to stay together, Ashley Stanford has given us a wonderful resource. She's ever hopeful, loving, and respectful of her relationship with her AS husband, while remaining honest in her sharing of how difficult it can be sometimes. Stanford shares the insights she's gained from living in an AS/non-AS marriage. She sheds light on how the many forms and nuances of Asperger syndrome may present itself, which can lead to difficulties for long-term relationships, as well as how to understand what those actions really mean. This understanding helps non-AS partners to avoid hurt feelings and promote better understanding between partners for their differences. This was the most upbeat, supportive, encouraging book I've read to date, and I've read many. I'd recommend this book highly to those who are determined to have a healthier relationship with a partner who has AS.