Customer Reviews

Asperger Syndrome and Long-Term Relationships

5 star:		(14)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

I read this book 4 years ago, when I was in a very desperate search for information to save my marriage. Ashley Sanford gave me a lot of hope, where other books on the subject offered little. This book made a big difference in my approach to issues in my relationship and I highly recommend it to anyone in a relationship with a partner on the spectrum.

In this book a woman tells of the joys and struggles of living with a husband and children who have Asperger Syndrome. She also draws on the experiences of others who have had lived with "Aspie" partners. She honestly describes her own difficulties understanding and translating her husband's reactions into her own more emotionally demonstrative frame of reference.

I got the impression that she would have liked her husband to write more about his perspective on their relationship. He does give some information but he is not an "express your emotions" type of guy.

I have refered several people to this book. It is good for individuals who are learning to appreciate and deal with a family member with Aspergers. At the same time this book has something to say for any couple who despite vast differences, strive to understand each other and make a long term relationship work.

Thinking I maybe had Asperger's (later found out I didn't), I sent away for a half-dozen books on Asperger's from Amazon. This book, written by a N/T with an Aspie marriage partner, resonated with me best. Each book I've gleaned or finished has its strengths. "Pretending to be Normal" offering a sometimes confusing and painful but vivid and earnest first-hand account; "Aspergers in Love" digesting sometimes revealing, sometimes sketchy results from interviewing 41 adults, mostly men, with AS; and "The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome" with its definitive, in-depth knowledge. Ashley Stanford's book, though, I felt, cut right to the chase. It's very straightforward, intelligent, illuminating and compassionate -- offering a bulleted list of traits in the first few pages, along with a summary and example of the various diagnostic criteria used around the world. While aimed at the N/T partner to better cope and appreciate an Aspy partner's often alternate-universe ways, it doubles as a heartfelt revelation and validation for anyone with Asperger's or possessing a few Aspie traits (I'm faceblind and ultrasensitive to sound, for instance). It offers compassionate understanding on making unlikely relationships work. For anyone who thinks they might be or know of an Aspie and wants to better appreciate and grok their rarefied realities, or better understand the mysteries of human behavior in general, this book's a gem.

From her introduction: "I believe that someday we will wake up as a civilization and realize that the Aspie traits that now confuse us are part of the core of human progress."

I have a son with autism and have thought about his future, especially when it comes to close relationships with others. This book is the most clear-cut and informational adult AS book out there. It has a fun tone to it and is easy to read. It makes the diagnostic criteria understandable. This book will be beneficial for spouses to read, as well as other close relationships--parents, business partners, siblings, friends. I highly recommend this book, not only to adults, but also parents who are anticipating the future with their AS and ASD children.

I purchased this book a month ago in a last ditch effort to save my 23 year marriage to a man with Asbergers and to better understand our triplets w/As as well. The boys always had the dx but my husband was hesitant to accept the diagnosis. Although I knew what AS was and felt I was very knowledgable I wasn't. This book really takes you from the begining of a diagnosis, TO HOW TO AFFECTIVELY COMMUNICATE AND UNDERSTAND YOURSELF AND YOUR AS FAMILY MEMBER. This book is wonderful not just for marriages will work for any relationship w/ an AS. My AS son is in a relationship with an AS girl, and asked me if he could borrow the book,:)
Our marriage of 23 years a month ago was ready to blow up in smoke. Is now on the road to a comfortable place of understanding and communication.

I am a therapist, but found that most of the literature about Asperger Syndrome was geared toward children. There are thousands of adults who have been wondering all their lives why they are so different. This book will help those with Asperger and those who love them understand what this is all about much better.

This was the most helpful book in actually explaining to the reader what the DSM-IV-TR diagnostic criteria for adult AS actually translates to, in layman's terms, and what those criteria may look like to a non-Asperger partner. For non-AS/AS partners who want their relationships to get better, who know they love one another and who desire to stay together, Ashley Stanford has given us a wonderful resource. She's ever hopeful, loving, and respectful of her relationship with her AS husband, while remaining honest in her sharing of how difficult it can be sometimes. Stanford shares the insights she's gained from living in an AS/non-AS marriage. She sheds light on how the many forms and nuances of Asperger syndrome may present itself, which can lead to difficulties for long-term relationships, as well as how to understand what those actions really mean. This understanding helps non-AS partners to avoid hurt feelings and promote better understanding between partners for their differences. This was the most upbeat, supportive, encouraging book I've read to date, and I've read many. I'd recommend this book highly to those who are determined to have a healthier relationship with a partner who has AS.

I got this book a few days ago and I'm half-way through it. I've already gained a MUCH better understanding of him and the problems in our relationship. What's more, this book frequently gives real-life solutions that have worked for other couples dealing with problems. I'd recommend this book to anyone whose partner has a diagnosis of AS.

This book is outstanding. Anyone living with someone with Aspergers needs to read this book. I am sure this book will help to save many marriages.

Well written book by one strong woman. What about a woman like that for me too? I have Aspergers. Ashley Stanford really lays out good arguments about why people with Aspergers can marry and not believe garbage that Aspies should be forced celibates. She said being told you shouldn't marry is like telling Rosa Parks to sit only in the back of the bus. Fact is Aspies just function differently than the normal person and the rules of marriage are altered. People with Aspergers just communicate differently. The best communication is on a phone, text messaging, or talking to your partner in the dark where body language is useless. Body language is the key to understanding the opposite sex, we Aspies just are worse than the average guy at understanding it. Should be required reading for psychiatrists and pyschologists who think Aspies should live lives of forced celibacy. Perhaps I bought the book because I had a female friend in high school named Ashley, and she was gorgeous, too.