Customer Reviews

Aspergers in Love: Couple Relationships and Family Affairs

5 star:		(9)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

Maxine Aston's account of the difficulties/differences experienced in loving relationships with Asperger Syndrome in a partner, is long over due. The medical communities in the USA did not recognized this disorder in children until 1994...and since this is usually an inherited disorder, generations upon generations of families have been forced to handle the issues of AS behaviors alone, without support or assistance from professionals. Maxine Aston's books are assisting families gain information about this newly recognized disorder. What she is bringing to the public's awareness is that many of the previously unanswerable questions families had regarding certain behaviors, are manifestations and improper coping abilities of the neurological/biological/medical disorder, Asperger's Syndrome. Person's with this disorder think differently...they observe the world differently...and yet they can be intelligent and multi-talented. People with Asperger's Syndrome can be difficult to live with, especially if they have not been diagnosed, or diagnosed in late adulthood. Maxine explains this aspect of AS extremely well. FAAAS Inc. (Families of Adults Afflicted with Asperger's Syndrome) ... has been waiting a very long time for someone to write about AS adult behaviors, and how these behaviors may affect others around them, and how the person with AS perceives and reacts to other people's behaviors. We are looking forward with anticipation to Maxine's next book!

I feel like I have learnt so much more about my partner from this book. It has answered so many questions for me. Like Maxine' s first book The other half it is straightforward, easy to read and understand which is quite a relief from some of the literature written about Asperger syndrome.

The more I read the book, the more things clicked into place and I feel I have learnt so much. She explains how the AS mind works and I realise how many times I just have not understood what my partner was really thinking or trying to tell me. Now I understand what was really going on behind his silence I can cope better. I feel I have more energy and tolerance to deal with the many misunderstandings that occur between us.

I can also see how many times he has tried to show me he loves me....I just haven't recognised what he was trying to convey.

I would recommend this book to anyone in a NT/AS relationship; I wish it had been written years ago...it would have saved so much heartache.

I have read this book with avid interest after reading Maxine Aston's first work. As the NT partner of an Asperger relationship, I can equate on a personal level with the writers findings and examples and find it a relief to realise that I am not going mad and am not alone. There are books available that tell the story from an Asperger point of view but not many that incorporate the NT perspective and are based on research. A brilliant piece of work. I can HIGHLY recommend this book to anyone who is in a NT/AS relationship as being a light in the darkness.

If you are in a Relationship, and either have Aspergers, or are with someone with Aspergers, then I think this book gives some great assistance for either party to understand the other, to understand their relationship, and to come to terms with any communication difficulties they might have.

Very easy to read, and very easy to dip into, with some useful checklist (just what Aspergers people appreciate, no doubt).

I am an adult female with Asperger's Syndrome. When my relationship started demonstrating obvious issues with communication, I wanted to get a good idea of how the Asperger's Syndrome might be affecting it. This book was recommended, so I picked it up. On the positive, the book is packed with information and ideas on where a relationship might break down. As other reviews have said, it IS thought provoking and insightful.

However, that said, I was actually quite disappointed with the book. The book is not critical of the AS individual but the tone of the writing stops just shy of that and most of all, this book doesn't seem applicable at all to a relationship between an AS female and anyone NT or otherwise.

There is a tone that NT people sometimes take when referring to the behavior of a person with AS. It's a mixture of the condescending 'poor AS person, they don't know how to feel properly' and a bit of clinical detachment. I was dismayed to find the author writing with that tone. So while the NT reading it might feel like they've found a source that gives voice to what they are experiencing, it (ironically) does little to foster actual empathy with the AS person and their actions. As a woman with AS, who was looking for valuable input, I was really put off by it.

I made it through most of the book with a really puzzled look on my face looking for that one paragraph that would make me able to relate - REALLY relate to the AS traits she describes. And then I got to the ONE chapter about AS Women in the back of the book - and EUREKA! I was able to relate to this chapter! At the beginning of this chapter about AS Women, there is a tiny explanation about how writing the book using the words 'AS Male' simply made the book more comprehensible. But really? Because I could relate to so much of that one chapter and so little of the rest of the book, I wonder, truly, how much of the rest of the book even applies to a majority of women with AS. And while, perhaps AS women just wasn't the focus of the book, it's billed as a book about being in a relationship with AS individuals in general - and it's not. It's actually a book about relationships between an AS Male and an NT Female with a footnote about AS Women.

PS : Asperger's has an apostrophe in it... a possessive noun in order to denote the person who is credited with first studying the syndrome. For an author who is credited as being 'uniquely placed to write this book', you'd think the title of the book would be spelled correctly.

This book was first published in 2003, a time when Asperger syndrome and relationships was still emerging as a psychological issue. Four years on and it stands up in both the strength of it having been written from sound research and its no nonsense approach to both sides. Too often there is a bias towards either the Asperger (AS) partner or the nuero-typical (NT) partner. As far as I am aware it is the only book written about AS/NT relationships based on extensive research and real life experience of such relationships.

Maxine Aston pulls no punches being as rigorous to both sides in her criticism or praise. Ms. Aston maintains an attitude, throughout the book, that AS/NT relationships can and do work. This attitude obviously comes from her years working with such relationships and the extensive research gathered from people who are, or have been, in such a relationship.

Ms. Aston is not starry eyed about the prospects of success; she stresses the importance of acknowledgement, by both partners, of how Asperger syndrome affects emotional reciprocity; she does not offer a magical solution but does offer sound, practical, advice for those who really want their relationship to work.

This book is about the practicalities of being in an AS/NT relationship and how, with the right mechanisms in place, there is a way forward.

I am an AS female, in a long term relationship with an NT partner, and found this book to be generally a bummer. It is full of Asperger-specific information, that's for sure, all of it depressing, in a "hardwired" sort of way, and none of it followed up with an exit strategy. I decided about a third of the way through that the insight was not worth the depression it was giving me. My therapist supported me in this assessment and suggested Aston's more recent Couples Workbook, which I have just started, but which looks like it incorporates the "best of" material from AIL and does include therapeutic strategies too.

I also decided not to read any more AS books that were published before 2005, since the neurological information is that recent. Seems like everything earlier is based on speculation and urban legend, including Aspergers in Love.

I am a female adult with Asperger's. Although this book dealt mostly with Male Aspies married to NT females I still found the information informative. I think the author has reached great conclusions and trully understands the Aspie mind. I think both partners (the Aspie and the NT) would benifit from readig this book. Short perspectives on the Female with Asperger's were included in the majority of the chapter's with one short chapter exclusivly dedicated to this. I was amazed by the information provided and hope that she will one day write a book excluivly geared towards the Female Aspie. I plan on getting her other book and looking forward to any books she writes in the future.

I was really looking for a book that was directed toward helping an adult with Asperger's navigate through romantic relationships. This book was more focused on helping the neurotypical understand an Aspie mate. I think it was helpful for those readers in the latter category, but not really what I was looking for.

This book offers some examples of problems that a therapist has seen in clients. I found some of her examples (without enough explanations) calloused and insulting to AS people (and I'm NT). It offers little to any REAL advice about how to make a relationship between an NT/AS person work or even how to truly understand your partner.

If you're the NT side of an NT/AS relationship, I'd recommend "Asperger Syndrome and Long-Term Relationships" which was written WITH LOVE by an NT woman who is actually married to a man with AS.