Customer Reviews

Asperger's Syndrome and Adults... Is Anyone Listening? Essays and Poems by Partners, Parents and Family Members...

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Rodman's book contains essays and poems by people living with an an adult who has Asperger's Syndrome. Some of the contributors are partners, some are parents and some are siblings. (The only group not represented is those who grew up with an Asperger's parent.)

This is the first book to illustrate the tremendous difficulties and deep emotional pain faced by the families of Asperger's sufferers. Help in many forms is now available for the sufferers themselves, but very little support or compassion is available for their spouses and families, who often struggle with soul-searing loneliness, frustration, loss of self-esteem, bewilderment and profound feelings of rejection.

The following quote comes from Rodman's own essay:

"Is anyone listening?... We, the families with our blistered hearts and souls and damaged psyche, are the end-product of undiagnosed and untreated Asperger's Syndrome. How many families are suffering out there? The feelings of rejection and loneliness plays a major role in the lives of the Aspergers' family. You and your feelings are not recognized by the afflicted person."

I highly recommend this book to anyone who is battling alone with an AS partner, parent or sibling. You will discover that you are not alone any longer.

I also recommend it strongly to all psychologists, psychiatrists, counsellors and other professionals who deal with AS. Many of them have absolutely no idea what the families are going through. It is time these voices were heard.

This book is a gem. This and Tony Attwood's book Asperger Syndrome are key to understanding what happens when Asperger's is neither detected nor understood. Lots of heartbreak, endless hurt, and confusion all the way around.

Do therapists know about this? Probably a little less than they know about adult AD/HD, which is darn little. Yet, AD/HD and AS are frequent traveling companions.

In my volunteer work moderating support groups for the partners of people with ADHD, I've learned that it's the people in the trenches (e.g. the people in these relationships) who must do the educating. They must talk to each other, compare notes, read what the top experts have to say, and not wait for any therapist or doctor to name their plight, much less help guide them out of it.

Most times, it just won't happen. Asperger's will be completely missed. You'll be told you have "communication issues" or that one is "frozen in his/her feelings, probably from childhood trauma" or any of a number of psychotherapeutic explanations that take no account of brain structure or brain chemistry. End result will be confused with cause. And, nothing will change. it could even get worse, as both partners labor under the illusion that the others' behavior is intentionally hurtful or deliberately "abusive."

These stories smack of heartfelt truth and vividly bring to life the many aspects of Asperger's Syndrome. Even if you've never heard of AS or think you don't know of anyone with it, chances are you do and just never made the connection.

Karen Rodman along with the FAAAS website and organization she founded perform a great public service.

Gina Pera, author and advocate
Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.? Stoppingthe Roller Coaster When Someone You Love Has Attention Deficit Disorder
Winner - 2008 Psychology Book of the Year, ForeWord Magazine

Having a son with Asperger's Syndrome as well as a husband with Aspergers Syndrome, I find that resources which shed full light upon our difficulties are few and far between.
It is tragic and criminal that people who have Asperger's Syndrome are so frequently overlooked by health professionals and labelled too "high functioning" to receive any health/disability assistance. It is also tragic that the families of such people are left alone to deal with the day to day struggles that someone with Asperger's Syndrome can suffer from.

This book clearly demonstrates that families, as well as the people with Asperger's whom we love so dearly, need much more help and support than we are given. HIGHLY recommend this book to families as well as health professionals who are working with Asperger's Syndrome.

Finally! A book full of people that understand what it is like to live with and love someone on the spectrum. As the wife of an AS husband, this is so refreshing. Learning more about AS really helped our marriage. I am always so surprised to hear the inevitable people on the spectrum complaining that they will not change or learn at all - I guess they're perfect. Both the NT partner and the AS partner have to be accomodating; otherwise, AS people wouldn't have *any* family or friends left to share their lives. If I can gently remind my husband to give a little eye contact, and he knows it is something I find helpful or even romantic, then he is happy to go the extra mile. It's great to read a book that can shed some light on this. Any adult, NT, AS or otherwise should be mature enough to grow and work on things that are a problem for family members. NTs shouldn't have to do all the sacrificing, and I think AS folks with this attitude are stuck in childhood.

This marvellous book, a collection of heartfelt poems and essays about being a spouse or loved one of a person with Asperger Syndrome, tells the truth about life with people on the autistic spectrum. While this books speaks to the pain of living with this disorder it also expresses deep compassion and love for those on the spectrum. The writers of the various stories in the book are those who care for and guide the Asperger's person through the confusing world of the neurotypical. More books of this type are needed. Excellent!

A great read, sharing the pain and anguish of families living with adults with this distressing disorder. What a shame it couldn't have been written many years ago. My hope is that it will a BEST SELLER in the interests of future generations of children on the Autism spectrum and their families. A MUST READ for all professionals working in this field.

Finally a book for us...i.e. the silent witnesses to what can be all too often the awful truth of being married to an aspie.
I recommend this book to anyone who has anything to do with an aspie....and most especially to the professionals out there who almost always refuse to listen to us....the real experts on AS.
After all we live with it 24/7

I am a professional who works with sensory integration. This book is a very valuable tool to realize that there is help and understanding in joining forces to share experiences. Many couples and parents are struggling with difficult circumstances when confronted with what they view as outrageous behavior from a loved one. Understanding Asperger's Syndrome in adults goes beyond the fact that other's cannot make this person happy no matter how much they might attempt to do so. It is important to recognize and assist people with this challenge as early as possible so that they might better learn how to cope with the complex situations that are so frustrating for them.

The fact that there can be a neurological reason for the seemingly intolerant behavior of a person who may have Asperger traits presents enough information to realize that the "blaim" is not properly placed on the person who is desperately trying to "make things better" but in the involved person's lack of ability to use information coming in through the senses in a neuro-typical way. This book has the capacity to open the eyes of many people who are having difficulty in their marriages and/or child rearing.

I read this book with a hunger to learn from others. I can feel their pain and with their willingness to share it, they will help many of us be able to help countless others.

Many Thanks to all of you who contributed to this book!
It is outstanding!

Catherine

This book came to me when i was about to give up, no-one seemed to understand me or possibly believe me,it has highlighted so many areas.. the words, "is anyone listening" lets one feel that there is hope and that there are others out there in the same situation.Autism with asperger traits or aspergers alone,there is something for all who have a spouse with the syndrome.This book does give a voice to the frustrations and lonliness that we feel,also how our spouses feel,broadening our understanding and giving us more insight,a must read.

Reading the excerpt of this book, I was hurt and disgusted by the melodramatic, pitying view of autistic people they presented. Focusing on the least disabled members of the spectrum, they managed to portray us almost as badly as the Schafer Autism Report(www.sarnet.org) portrays lower functioning autistics. The organisation that produced this book has it's prejudices clearly visible in it's name: Families of Adults AFFLICTED with Asperger Syndrome. We are not afflicted with AS and similar conditions, we are autistic people. This is who we are, a disability, gift and difference(as I wrote in my response to the discussion at http://www.neurodiversity.com/inquisition.html, click on "and now, from one of our readers"). Here are some quotes, from the excerpt available here:
"If early diagnosis and correct intervention is made available, these children's lives will be made much easier, assimilating into society throughout their their childhood, their adolescent years, and into adulthood. We do not want to see another generation of AS lives ruined ... and it is not only the person who has unrecognised AS whose life is in shambles."
Firstly, the idea that one must be helped to "[assimilate] into society" goes against the ideal of valuing diversity, an ideal that most Canadians, at least, value in the context of race and culture. Why not value neurological diversity as well? Secondly, we are portrayed as having "[ruined] lives". I find that much too pessimistic. Being different in an undefined way, in a society that penalises differences, is not a good way to live, but it need not ruin one's life. The sexual abuse survivor's movement has argued well that you can heal from the harm of abuse, and it would be good to recognise that you can also heal from the pain of being misunderstood and mistreated by society in general. Also, the problem lies not with AS itself, but the mismatch between the AS person and society. Lastly, they bring up the effect undiagnosed AS can have on family members. At http://www.neurodiversity.com/response_to_my_name_is_autism.html, a wonderful mother of AS children, Kathleen Seidel, responds to a similar view raised by a poem, My Name is Autism. She says:
"Please note in particular the following passages:

'I affect one child and 'infect' the entire family.'
Our family is just fine. Understanding autism has improved our family life immensely."
Sure, AS people, as anyone does, affect the people around them. NT-AS relations often suffer from a gap in understanding, which is even more painful when neither knows why the gap is there. I hope for a society where this gap in understanding is recognised as being caused by both people, not just one of them, and people are taught how to bridge this gap, not only in NT-AS relations but in intercultural relations, and other situations where such a gap exists.
For an AS-friendly source about NT family members of AS, see http://www.aspar.klattu.com.au/.