A**holeology thrusts a pink slip at the self-help industry, celebrating a**holes and their achievements at our expense while clarifying what makes them different (and more successful) than douche bags. This step-by-step guide will help you redefine victory and teach you how to be an a**hole, at work, at play and, most importantly, with the opposite sex.
A**holeology answers "Why are books, movies, and television shows about a**holes so popular?" Ask a person to describe a**holes and they spit out, "Vile! Loathsome! Arrogant! Self-centered! Belligerent! A jerk! The worst of the worst! The lowest of the low!" All are accurate descriptions however, while you were stuttering through a litany of insults, the a**hole moved in on your girlfriend or iced you out of a major promotion. Likely, he did both.
The book's title led me to believe we would steer into crude seas. I fondly recalled
Dirty Jokes and Beer by Drew Carey, a profane little memoir about "boozing, throwing dice, and chasing skirts" that substituted transitional paragraphs with dick jokes. However, aside from the titular profanity, A**holeology closely resembles
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey.
Authors and self-proclaimed a**holes Steve Greenberg, Dennis Lavalle and Chris Illuminati skillfully balance sarcasm with sage advice. Unapologetic in their approach, they serve up truisms like "A**holes are never forgotten" in 24-pt type. Throughout the book, they cite "The Quotable A**hole" with wisdom passed along by the likes of Michael Corleone, Ari Gold, Tony Soprano and Gordon Gekko.
I finished the first chapter, "What Makes An A**hole?" and read a synopsis of the three essential things every a**hole must have: "1. Thick skin; 2. The ability to say no to anyone; and 3. Confidence coming out of, well, your ass."
`Nuff said.
A**holeology doesn't dwell on civilized notions, so I'm wagering A**holeology outsells another a**hole-titled self-help book also scheduled for release in 2010:
The No A**hole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn't by Robert Sutton. In Chapter 6 "The A**hole at Work", A**holeology delivers these sharp punches:
"...eliminate the dead weight called `cofriends' who drag down your progress on the job."
"Become part of the smoking crew that...always bring forth the most venomous and juiciest gossip."
"The longer the meeting, the less the subordinates will take away."
A**holeology gives solid advice with a sense of humor. This time, a**holes get the joke. My only suggestion is that the authors secure Vince Vaughn for the audio version. I distinctly heard the voice of Trent (or Jeremy Grey) in my head as I read several passages. Be sure to add "Let Me Be Myself" by 3 Doors Down and "A**Hole" by Denis Leary to the soundtrack, too.
In summary, are a**holes really popular? The answer lies in this clever trick: Search "How to Win Friends and Influence People" under the Amazon books category and you get 2,708 results. Search "a**hole" under the Amazon books category and you get 51,840 results.
Any more questions?
Man up. Take control. Buy the book.
Rating: Five stars.
