Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help YouFind?and Keep?Love [Hardcover]

Amir Levine (Author), Rachel Heller (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: December 30, 2010

Is there a science to love?

In this groundbreaking book, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller reveal how an understanding of attachment theory-the most advanced relationship science in existence today-can help us find and sustain love. Attachment theory forms the basis for many bestselling books on the parent/child relationship, but there has yet to be an accessible guide to what this fascinating science has to tell us about adult romantic relationships-until now.

Attachment theory owes its inception to British psychologist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby, who in the 1950s examined the tremendous impact that our early relationships with our parents or caregivers has on the people we become. Also central to attachment theory is the discovery that our need to be in a close relationship with one or more individuals is embedded in our genes.

In Attached, Levine and Heller trace how these evolutionary influences continue to shape who we are in our relationships today. According to attachment theory, every person behaves in relationships in one of three distinct ways:

*ANXIOUS people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner's ability to love them back.

*AVOIDANT people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness.

*SECURE people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving.

Attached guides readers in determining what attachment style they and their mate (or potential mates) follow. It also offers readers a wealth of advice on how to navigate their relationships more wisely given their attachment style and that of their partner. An insightful look at the science behind love, Attached offers readers a road map for building stronger, more fulfilling connections.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

According to psychiatrist and neuroscientist Levine and social psychologist Heller, one™s adult romantic partnerships have patterns similar to those one has as a child with one™s parents. Our individual attachment styles are thus, they conclude, hardwired into our brains. Focusing on three main attachment styles (secure, anxious, and avoidant), the authors explain the biological facts behind our relationship needs, teach readers how to identify their own and loved ones™ attachment styles, and warn of the emotional price of connecting with someone with drastically different intimacy needs. Teaching readers communication skills to breach these differences, the authors stress that people have very different capacities for intimacy, and that partners must ensure each other™s emotional well-being. Chock-full of tips, questionnaires, and case studies, this is a solidly researched and intriguing approach to the perennial trials of œlooking for love in all the right places and improving existing relationships. (Jan.)
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Review

"A groundbreaking book that redefines what it means to be in a relationship."
-John Gray, PhD., bestselling author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

"Amir Levine and Rachel Heller have written a very smart book: It is clear, easy to read and insightful. It''s a valuable tool whether you are just entering a relationship with a new partner or-as in my case--even after you''ve been married 21 years, and had thought you knew everything about your spouse."
-Mariette DiChristina, editor in chief, Scientific American

"Attached is a fascinating and enormously useful guide to one of life''s most important ventures-finding and sustaining a secure, satisfying love relationship. Based on twenty-five years of research, laced with vivid and instructive examples, and enriched with interesting and well-designed exercises, the book provides deep insights and invaluable skills that will benefit every reader."
-Phillip R. Shaver, PhD, Distinguished Professor of Psychology, University of California, Davis and Past President, International Association for Relationship Research

"Cinderella''s prince passionately turned his kingdom upside down simply to find her perfectly shaped foot, and they lived happily ever after. This book is for the rest of us. Whether already in a relationship or prospecting, Attached is intended to coach the "you" part of "just the two of you". The authors have distilled years of attachment theory research on the nature of human relationships into a practical, highly readable guide, allowing it''s users to prevent or untangle doomed relationships or predict and enhance those that will wear well and fit for a lifetime."
-John B. Herman, M.D., Associate Chief of Psychiatry and Distinguished Scholar of Medical Psychiatry, Massachusetts General Hospital and Associate Professor of Psychiatry, Harvard Medical School

"This book is both fascinating and fun. Attached will help every reader understand whom they are attracted to as partners, why, and what they can do to reach fulfillment in love. I enjoyed every moment."
-Janet Klosko, PhD., co-author of the bestselling Reinventing Your Life

"A practical, enjoyable guide to forming rewarding romantic relationships."
-Kirkus Reviews

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Reading level: Ages 18 and up
  
• Hardcover: 304 pages
• Publisher: Tarcher (December 30, 2010)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1585428485
• ISBN-13: 978-1585428489
• Product Dimensions: 9.3 x 6.7 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (39 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #7,202 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

67 of 69 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A more scientific path to true love, January 6, 2011

By 

Steve Burns (Nashville, TN) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)    (TOP 500 REVIEWER)   

This review is from: Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help YouFind?and Keep?Love (Hardcover)

This is an excellent book for those dating and looking for love and those already in a relationship that is not working and they wonder why not. The authors do a great job explaining attachment theory not only from a scientific perspective but also from a real world perspective with examples.

People basically have one of three attachment styles:

Anxious people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner's ability to love them back.

Avoidant people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness.

Secure people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving.

The book is about the frustration people feel in relationships when these types cross. The more an anxious person wants to be close to an avoidant person the more the avoidant withdraws fearful of losing their independence. Most anxious people function fine in all other areas of life then discover they are very anxious in relationships to their dismay. Anxious types many times confuse the feelings of being anxious with excitement toward a potential partner that is avoidant and miss out on secure people that they feel are boring. Secure people tend to soothe and help anxious types, while avoidants trigger anxious people and lead to hopeless pursuits and wasted time. Two avoidants can rarely be together in a relationship because no one holds it together they just drift apart.

Through open and honest communication in relationships you should be able to identify if a possible partner is some one who can meet your needs. The book teaches that you always benefit from honest communication because it moves you toward your goal of the right relationship regardless of the outcome. Do not get stuck in a dead end relationship, get out if your needs are not met. "It's a simple law of probability-the more you meet, the greater chances you'll find the one who is a good match for you.

"In a true partnership, both partners view it as their responsibility to ensure the other's emotional well-being." Never forget that.

This book is the result of two decades of research, the principles presented can help you to find happiness in your romantic connections and to soar in all aspects of your life.

Excellent book, I highly recommend for those who want happy relationships.

31 of 33 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A must-read!, December 31, 2010

By 

T. Grand - See all my reviews

This review is from: Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help YouFind?and Keep?Love (Hardcover)

Wow. This book is such an eye-opener! I just bought it yesterday and have almost done reading it. I've read lots of relationship books and most of them are a combination of psycho-babble and personal opinion. This book is completely different. It's grounded on soundly-based scientific findings and the authors are constantly interlacing their conclusions and advice with experiments and research studies. They also bring a lot of real life examples that are very easy to relate to (a couple of examples are a bit repetitive, but they get the point across really well). The authors walk readers through understanding themselves and their "attachment style" and understanding their partner's "attachment style" -- which drives them, what their basic beliefs are and why they act like they do with you. This book has really shifted the way I think about my relationships and I'm going to use a lot of the tools here to make better decisions going forward. I also loved the part about how when your needs are met, you actually become less needy and more likely to excel in different areas of life. It's just when your needs aren't met that you act clingy. If you want to learn more about what is really going on in your relationship, this book is a must!

25 of 28 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Insightful, Easy to Read - A Fantastic book!, January 2, 2011

By 

Donald R. Chesnut - See all my reviews

This review is from: Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help YouFind?and Keep?Love (Hardcover)

What an amazing book. For years I had been hearing friends and others identify their behaviors with such negative labels like "co-dependent" or "needy", etc. Now comes this easy-to-read, easy-to-understand book that sheds all new light on relationship patterns! I've learned that those former, negative labels like 'needy' are not really helpful - my relationship style has more to do with my attachment style.

I continually found this book enlightening -- i could even see some of my past relationships within the many examples provided in the book.

I strongly recommend this book to anyone interested in understanding some simple truths about having a successful relationship - it's a great book.