Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help YouFind?and Keep?Love [Paperback]

Amir Levine (Author), Rachel Heller (Author)

Book Description

Release date: January 5, 2012

We rely on science to tell us everything from what to eat to when and how long to exercise, but what about relationships? Is there a scientific explanation for why some people seem to navigate relationships effortlessly, while others struggle? According to psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, the answer is a resounding "yes."

In Attached, Levine and Heller reveal how an understanding of adult attachment-the most advanced relationship science in existence today-can help us find and sustain love. Pioneered by psychologist John Bowlby in the 1950s, the field of attachment posits that each of us behaves in relationships in one of three distinct ways:

• Anxious people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner's ability to love them back
• Avoidant people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness.
• Secure people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving.

  In this book Levine and Heller guide readers in determining what attachment style they and their mate (or potential mate) follow, offering a road map for building stronger, more fulfilling connections with the people they love.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

According to psychiatrist and neuroscientist Levine and social psychologist Heller, one™s adult romantic partnerships have patterns similar to those one has as a child with one™s parents. Our individual attachment styles are thus, they conclude, hardwired into our brains. Focusing on three main attachment styles (secure, anxious, and avoidant), the authors explain the biological facts behind our relationship needs, teach readers how to identify their own and loved ones™ attachment styles, and warn of the emotional price of connecting with someone with drastically different intimacy needs. Teaching readers communication skills to breach these differences, the authors stress that people have very different capacities for intimacy, and that partners must ensure each other™s emotional well-being. Chock-full of tips, questionnaires, and case studies, this is a solidly researched and intriguing approach to the perennial trials of œlooking for love in all the right places and improving existing relationships. (Jan.)
(c) Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

Review

"A groundbreaking book that redefines what it means to be in a relationship."-John Gray, PhD., bestselling author of <I>Men Are from Mars, Women Are  from Venus</I>

"The authors have distilled years of attachment theory research on the nature of human relationships into a practical, highly readable guide."-John B. Herman, M.D., Associate Chief of Psychiatry and Distinguished Scholar of Medical Psychiatry, Massachusetts General Hospital and Associate Professor of Psychiatry, Harvard Medical School

"Based on twenty-five years of research, laced with vivid and instructive examples, and enriched with interesting and well-designed exercises, the book provides deep insights and invaluable skills that will benefit every reader."-Phillip R. Shaver, PhD, Distinguished Professor of Psychology,  University of California, Davis and Past President, International Association for Relationship Research

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 304 pages
• Publisher: Tarcher; Reprint edition (January 5, 2012)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1585429139
• ISBN-13: 978-1585429134
• Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 5.9 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (108 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,977 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #47 in Books > Self-Help > Relationships > Love & Romance
  • #50 in Books > Self-Help > Relationships > Interpersonal Relations

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

125 of 129 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars A more scientific path to true love January 6, 2011

By Steve Burns TOP 1000 REVIEWERVINE™ VOICE

Format:Hardcover

This is an excellent book for those dating and looking for love and those already in a relationship that is not working and they wonder why not. The authors do a great job explaining attachment theory not only from a scientific perspective but also from a real world perspective with examples.

People basically have one of three attachment styles:

Anxious people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner's ability to love them back.

Avoidant people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness.

Secure people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving.

The book is about the frustration people feel in relationships when these types cross. The more an anxious person wants to be close to an avoidant person the more the avoidant withdraws fearful of losing their independence. Most anxious people function fine in all other areas of life then discover they are very anxious in relationships to their dismay. Anxious types many times confuse the feelings of being anxious with excitement toward a potential partner that is avoidant and miss out on secure people that they feel are boring. Secure people tend to soothe and help anxious types, while avoidants trigger anxious people and lead to hopeless pursuits and wasted time. Two avoidants can rarely be together in a relationship because no one holds it together they just drift apart.

Through open and honest communication in relationships you should be able to identify if a possible partner is some one who can meet your needs. The book teaches that you always benefit from honest communication because it moves you toward your goal of the right relationship regardless of the outcome. Do not get stuck in a dead end relationship, get out if your needs are not met. "It's a simple law of probability-the more you meet, the greater chances you'll find the one who is a good match for you.

"In a true partnership, both partners view it as their responsibility to ensure the other's emotional well-being." Never forget that.

This book is the result of two decades of research, the principles presented can help you to find happiness in your romantic connections and to soar in all aspects of your life.

Excellent book, I highly recommend for those who want happy relationships.

44 of 47 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars Answered and raised many questions February 2, 2011

By mnsesq

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase

I felt like I was given the language via this book to pull together and understand what I have experienced my whole life and what perplexed me my whole life. It's like when you are struggling to understand the math equation and then the instant comes when you get it. That was this book, for me.

But I'm frustrated with something. "Attached" says that I, an anxious attachment style person, am more likely to choose a partner who is an avoidant style, that when I do my attachment needs will never be fully satisfied even if both partners are willing to change to some degree as recommended in the book. "Attached" recommends I choose a secure attachment style partner to be happy. It also says that my attachment system will be activated by an avoidant, say on a first date, causing me to be drawn to him, and not activated by a secure person, who will bore me. The recommendation is to not get turned on by the avoidant attachment style person. After all the outstanding explanations and recommendations in the book, I feel it really falls short with that pithy recommendation to just not get turned on by the avoidant! Any anxious person will tell you that's near impossible!

Where's the steps for the anxious person to bypass the immediate and biologically based attachment to the avoidant?! Secures probably have the ability to make a choice in their selection of a partner to a greater degree. If I do as recommended in accepting my attachement style, am I to accept that I'm doomed to be sucked in to a series if unsatisfying relationships with avoidant people? "Attached" does have a helpful section on evaluating anxious/avoidant relationships and improving them and even on getting out of them. The shortfall is in how to make a different choice at those critical moments before getting into the relationship. "Just say no" never really worked.

When the first revision comes out, I hope it includes another chapter.

19 of 19 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Amazing! January 12, 2011

By ishabazz

Format:Hardcover

This book is incredible. Hands down the best relationship book I've every read, and trust me, I've read a bunch. Approaching relationship dynamics from the perspective of attachment theory is genius and the model fits my personal experience 100%.

The clarity with which this book answers common questions such as "am I really compatible with my mate?", "does it make sense to start a relationship with this person?", "is this relationship worth staying in" with crystal clarity.

I highly recommend this book for anyone who is in a relationship, looking for a relationship, or even avoiding a relationship