Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today's Parents [Hardcover]

Deborah D. Gray (Author)

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Proper attachment is the most fundamental issue in a successful adoption, but what exactly does the term mean? Attaching in Adoption answers that question thoroughly, and it provides solutions to a variety of specific attachment problems.

Along with technical explanations of challenges such as self-esteem, childhood grief, and limit-testing, the book includes a tremendous number of personal vignettes illustrating attachment-related situations. Parents who are convinced that only their child has ever behaved a certain way are sure to take comfort in these stories; not only do they include kids from all backgrounds and age groups, but each has an ultimately happy ending. The emotional health of the whole family is also paramount according to the book--with plenty of rest and "alone time," caregivers are more likely to be emotionally available when they are most needed.

Because Attaching in Adoption focuses on special needs, families who are coming together through foster programs, at later ages, or across cultural lines will find it especially helpful. Both psychologically detailed and straightforwardly helpful, it can be of equal benefit to counselors and parents alike. --Jill Lightner

From Publishers Weekly

Gray, a clinical social worker specializing in attachment, grief and trauma, has penned a comprehensive guidebook for adoptive parents, taking an in-depth look at how children and families adjust. The author notes that many of today's adoptions involve older children who may have been abused or neglected, or who may have spent years in institutions or various foster situations; due to their past experiences these children may have difficulty attaching to their adoptive parents. Explaining that attachment forms the template for future adult relationships, Gray stresses how important it is for adoptive parents to be patient in forging this new bond. She advises creating a high structure/ high nurture environment for the child, and instructs parents to find out about their child's background. The book covers many issues, including cross-cultural and interracial adoption, religious concerns and other complications for attaching, such as ADHD and learning disabilities. Gray also includes a detailed exploration of developmental delays common in kids who have been adopted later in life. While the book is densely written, it will nevertheless be invaluable for adoptive parents. Gray compassionately helps readers form realistic expectations, while offering a myriad of suggestions for families and children striving to form lasting, loving relationships.
Copyright 2002 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

Product Details

• Hardcover: 392 pages
• Publisher: Perspectives Press (IN); First Edition edition (May 2002)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0944934293
• ISBN-13: 978-0944934296
• Product Dimensions: 9.3 x 6.4 x 1.2 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.8 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (59 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #41,016 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #24 in Books > Parenting & Relationships > Adoption

More About the Author

Deborah Gray is the founder of Nurturing Attachments. She is a clinical social worker specializing in the areas of attachment, grief, and trauma. She has spent over 15,000 hours in the last 15 years counseling children who were adopted. Her private practice philosophy is one of empowering parents with information and techniques so that their skills and styles are used in meeting the needs of their children. Her passion is to help children and their families to develop close, satisfying relationships.

Deborah is a popular presenter due to her practical approaches of promoting attachment, shaping behavior, and working through trauma. She teaches in the Cascadia Resources/Northwest Adoption Resource and Portland State post-Graduate Programs in Adoption Counseling and the University of Washington's Post-Graduate Trauma Certificate program.

In her personal life, Deborah Gray feels linked to adoption through the
family in which she grew up. She has also been a therapeutic foster parent.
She received her graduate degrees from Syracuse University in 1981. She is
a licensed social worker in the State of Washington.

Deborah Gray is the author of numerous articles and the book Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today's Parents, published by Perspectives Press, Inc. in 2002.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

163 of 167 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Attaching in Adoption, May 25, 2002

By 

Corraleno (USA) - See all my reviews

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today's Parents (Hardcover)

If you only plan to read one book about adoption, make it this one! It covers pretty much everything you would need to know about the emotional impact of adoption, from infancy to adulthood. It is an intense book, both in terms of its emotional content (some of the case studies are heart-wrenching) and its depth of information. The author really knows her stuff, both from extensive reading of the research literature and from many years of personal experience as a therapist. She covers the various stages of attachment, what kids need to attach well, what happens when the process goes wrong, and what to do to help kids make healthy attachments to their new families. Even if you are adopting an infant and don't expect any problems, this book will help you make the attachment process as smooth as possible. There is also extensive discussion of the issues adoptive kids experience later on, such as the search for identity, fantasies about who their birth parents really were and whether they will be reunited, grief over losing parents, etc. It is ultimately a very positive book, demonstrating that even seriously damaged kids can work through their issues and become happy, well-adjusted adults, and anyone who had a rocky relationship with their own parents will probably find some surprising insights here -- poor attachment can happen in any family. Required reading!

91 of 93 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Must Read for All Adoptive Parents, February 19, 2004

By 

Cynthia L. Lajoy "Cindy La Joy" (CO, USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today's Parents (Hardcover)

As the parent of 2 adopted children, one who attached easily and one who is proving to be more of a challenge, this book is one that I feel our agency should make required reading. It is not only for those parents of older adoptees, but I found much that was helpful for our 14 month old son. Beyond the obvious helpful ideas and explanations, this book served to help "normalize" this experience for me, and helped me feel less like we are living in our own little hell at the moment. Reading the real-life stories provided me with several "ahh haa" moments, and I now feel much better equipped to handle my son's behavior and understand this is more of a "Long Haul" than a "Quick Fix", but definitely something that can be worked with and helped. This book is very in-depth and comprehensive, and for someone who is at this moment dealing with a month worth of sleepless nights, tantrums, and constant pushing away I can't think of anything more valuable that I have found to help me through this.

37 of 38 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent, best book ever written on this subject, April 28, 2002

By A Customer

This review is from: Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today's Parents (Hardcover)

As the head of a large private practice counseling group, I read many books on many subjects, including RAD. This is simply the finest and most comprehesive book on attachment I have ever read. It is written by a professional with many years of experience, yet it is easy to read, even for the lay person.

The excellent professional reviews are correct, this book is essential to an understanding of this subject and will be helpful to both professional and parent.