Customer Reviews

Attack Girls' Swim Team vs. the Undead

5 star:		(2)
4 star:		(5)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(4)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

Attack Girls Swim Team vs. the Undead (Koji Kawano, 2007)

Okay, let's start off by saying that if you're the kind of person who sees a title like Attack Girls Swim Team vs. the Undead and does not immediately think "THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER", you're probably in the wrong place. Because that's exactly what I thought when I saw the title of this movie, and, well, I'm the guy who's writing the review. If we're coming from entirely different mindsets... you know. And while the movie doesn't live up to the promise of the title, it's certainly good for a romp.

Aki (Sasa Handa) is the new girl at school. Keeps to herself, quiet, that sort of thing. One day, Sayaka (Yuria Hidaka), seeing her at the side of the pool and mistaking her for someone else, pushes her in as a prank. The two of them become fast friends after that, but this is no simple friendship drama. Because, after all, there must be an evil mastermind experimenting on the school (where else but in Japan?), administering a "vaccine" for a cold that's going around. But, yeah, vaccine? It makes zombies of everyone but Aki and the girls' swim team, who must find a cure.

No, it's not a great movie, and most of the time it's not even a good movie. But on the Joe Bob Briggs blood, breasts, and beasts scale, it gets top marks in all three categories (including one scene between Handa and Hidaka that wouldn't be out of place in an Emmanuelle flick), and it adds a continual element of just plan weird, in that style the Japanese do so well. The climax of the movie is just jaw-dropping. I mean, really, off-the-scale, [censored for Amazon consumption] nuts. And hysterically funny, if that kind of humor works for you.

So, yeah, not a good movie, but it's the kind of bad movie that transcends its badness and becomes something great. This is one you owe it to yourself to watch. ****

Ok, every now and then we see a movie so outrageously silly, so sleazy, full of exploitive scenes and so trashy that you wonder as to why you would waste your time watching it and how you managed to sit through the whole thing. I saw "The Girls REBEL FORCE of Competitive Swimmers" (aka. Joshikyoei hanrangun, Attack Girls' Swim Team vs. The Undead) earlier this year, and honestly, I feel so guilty that I managed to sit through the film. Well, I have a weakness for zombies and I have to prove that I am no snob. Hey, The film does feature hot Japanese girls in swimsuits and they're often seen in their birthday suits.

Aki (Sasa Handa) is a student with a troubled past. She was kept prisoner and abused by an enigmatic professor and trained to be an assassin. She had just transferred to a school at the worst possible time. There's a mysterious virus in the school and students and teachers are being rounded up to receive a vaccine to counter the virus. However, the very same vaccine supposed to protect them from infection is actually a drug that turns everyone to flesh-eating zombies. Luckily, Aki skipped on the vaccine, and the swim team is immune to the virus because of the chemicals present in the school's swimming pool--chlorine. Aki finds out that the man responsible for the injections is the same man who sexually abused and kept her prisoner.

I was expecting a film much like "Wild Zero", "Sars Wars: Bangkok Zombie Crisis", and "Meatball Machine" when I put the DVD in the player. The film is pretty bad, but I have to admit I couldn't help snickering and giggling while I was watching it. The film is somewhat entertaining in a "guilty" type of way (or maybe I have bad taste?). The film really seemed like director Koji Kawano and the rest of the film crew were writing the film as they went along and drinking a lot of sake while shooting it. The fight scenes are laughable, the "special effects" are a far cry from being "special", the plot is so silly and it is so dumb that the script doesn't make sense at all.

So why the heck did I waste my time watching it??

The film does find some originality when it comes to sheer campiness. A swim team that takes on zombies sure is original. The girls aren't as hot as those in "OneChanbara" but they are quite sexy in their own way. It's a wonder that they had to change to swimsuits before they go into battle. There's an abundance of female nudity and softcore sex scenes--there's even girl-on-girl action. There is blood and gore when a teacher uses a ruler to chop off limbs and heads. There is a zombie lunch buffet. I will tell you the film's most outrageous scene: a laser beam is shot from the lead actress's crotch area!! The actresses knew what exactly they signed up for in this film--count on the Japanese to make a film that counts on pure exploitation, panty shots, sex scenes and a lot of female nudity to put audiences in the seats.

The film does not make any bit of sense and to be honest, I feel quite hypocritical if I said I didn't enjoy trashy films--but I really don't. But how come I know this film is indeed bad but never for a moment did I feel bored in its entirety? The film's sex scenes are unarrousing but I have a hard time telling the difference between erotic and dull--because the film doesn`t make any sense. The rape scene feels forced and the acting is really bad. I have to say that the low-budget blood and gore is appealing. Plus, nothing is as outrageous as a "crotch laser beam". "Attack Girls` Swim Team vs. the Undead" is DEFINITELY NOT for everyone. If any of my descriptions sound appealing to you, then go ahead and give the movie a spin--just don't say I didn't warn you. The film is a hoot!

Rent it! But recommended to fans of Japanese trashy exploitation and wacky films. [2 ½ Stars]

I own the region-3 Hong Kong release. Can someone tell me why I bought this??

Upon arrival at her new high school, the pretty, quiet Aki is greeted by a bubbly student named Sayaka when the girl, for some unknown reason pushes her into the pool. The sudden plunge into the pool disrupts Aki's gloomy thoughts, and the two girls take a shower together to wash away the scent of chlorine and Aki notices that Sayaka has a birthmark over her right breast and a mole behind her left ear in the very positions where Aki has her own birthmark and mole. This connectivity leads to a lesbian encounter between the two girls after they are attacked by zombies...zombies?

Yes, zombies, because around the same time that Aki arrives at her new school, a sickness breaks out, which the students and teachers supposedly receive a vaccine to counter, which makes its sufferers crave blood and brains, teachers to hack off their students heads with rulers, and Engrish spewing teachers wielding chainsaws to hack up their students. However, the swim team was unaffected by the sickness because of the disinfectant in the water and now it is up to them and Aki, who has training as a water terrorist (!), to find out who spread the sickness, stop them while wearing their formfitting swimsuits, and to win the next swimming competition.

Undead pool stars the adult video star Handa Sasa whose acting talents do not extend to playing a convincing emotional role, but whose talents are more suitable to sex scenes. Clumsy, filled with poor acting, and on a budget of around 300 yen, Undead Pool does not make for quality entertainment, but in terms of camp, unintentional humor, buckets of blood and gore, and ample nudity it makes for a low quality lowbrow film that can kill little more than an hour on a rainy day.

When calibrating softcore movies, one has to use a different yardstick to review and rate them. That yardstick has to be adjusted again when evaluating American vs. European vs. Asian softcore (I personally prefer the Euro ones). The unstated but ultimate purpose of these flix is not only to entertain but to stimulate the viewer, and the best do both. But there are very few that succeed. If you don't believe this, I envy your naïveté. If you think you're gonna mine gold in this arena, you're being foolish.

Here's the skinny on this Asian soft-core horror flick - it's not as good as 'Onechanbara', 'Machine Girl', 'Tokyo Zombie', 'Stacy', 'Meatball Machine', or 'Tokyo Gore Police' as far as solid, campy horror goes. It's at least as good as 'Zombie Hunter Rika', 'Captive Factory Girls' (both 1 and 2), 'Maid-Droid', 'Sexy Battle Girls', or 'Cruel Restaurant' as far as action/horror flix go. And it's WAY better than 'Female Prisoner Sigma', 'Yo-Yo Girl Sexy Cop', 'Sars Wars', 'Maid`s Secret' (both 1 and 2), 'Ninja Vixens', 'Kekko Kamen', 'Lady Ninja Kasumi' (1 through 4), or any of the 'Lady Ninja Kaeda' flix.

These last ones are ALL soft-core, and most pretty much suck on a variety of levels. This film is ridiculous, sure, but it's good for more than a few laughs and has copious amounts of nudity to keep me away from late-nite Ron Jeremy flix on satellite, so there's something to be grateful for right there...

A new "vaccine" turns high-school students and teachers into flesh-eating zombies. Luckily the girls swim team is unaffected and they must fight for their survival against the undead student bodies and a mad scientist that's running it all. This Z-grade flick is a weird combination of high-school drama, zombies, gorefest, and soft-core porn. Not for the faint of heart, but if you dig this kind of movie you're sure to enjoy it.

Many countries have tried to test adult video with an actual storyline. One film would be equivalent to an X-rated film and another minus the hardcore sex scenes and thus gets an equivalent R-rating. In Japan, the film known as "Joshikyoei Hanrangun" aka "Attack Girls Swim Team versus the Undead" (or Nihombie 2), is a softcore horror film directed by Koji Kawano ("Kyoshujo no Oneesan 2', "Love My Life" and "Cruel Restaurant") and a screenplay by Satoshi Owada ("Cruel Restaurant") and features Japanese adult video stars Sasa Handa and Yuria Hidaka.

The film revolves around a new student in high school named Aki (Sasa Handa). We hear various warnings of a virus in the area and all students and teachers must have a virus shot. Unfortunately, the girls swim team is too busy with their upcoming meet and don't get the shot. Meanwhile, a girl named Sayaka (Yuria Hidaka) pushes Aki who is looking at the pool into the water and she realizes that Aki is not a member of the swim team. She eventual becomes friends with her quite quickly as the two take a shower together and Aki sees that she has a certain mark on her breast that she has.

While Aki is laying on top of the roof at her school, she is greet by Sayaka once again and notices the same birthmark on the side of her neck that she has. Needless to say, the two quickly become friends (despite the other classmates thinking Aki is spooky because she never talks to anyone).

By this time, the school has changed for the worst as everyone who has received the flu shot are now turning to zombies. In one class, a teacher uses his rulers as a weapon, chopping students up, while other students start eating each other.

Needless to say, the teachers and schools gone made but the swim team happens to be OK? How come they are unaffected? With the school now infested with zombies, will the girls swim team survive around the undead?

VIDEO & AUDIO:

"Attack Girls' Swim Team versus The Undead" is presented in 16:9. Its evident that the film was shot digitally, so it has that clean grainless look. For the most part, the film is shot inside a school, inside a classroom or swimming pool area and outside the school. Very few scene locations but for this type of film, it's not really needed.

As for audio, audio is in Japanese via 2.0 and English subtitles. For audio setting, I had my receiver settings with stereo on all channels but for the most part, the film is front-channel driven.

SPECIAL FEATURES:

There are no special features on the DVD, nor is their a menu. So, expect the film to begin right after you insert the DVD inside your player.

JUDGMENT CALL:

"Attack Girls' Swim Team Versus the Undead: Unrated Limited Edition" is marketed as a gorehouse pulp horror film and the cover with Japanese girls with weapons definitely will catch one's attention. But the film is not to be looked at as a "horror" film per se, possibly a watered down porno without the hardcore sex scenes but with a wacky "Resident Evil" meets "Dead Rising" but at a girl's school type of storyline.

The film would definitely appeal to the Japanophiles or the curious horror fan but for the hardcore horror fans, you're not going to exactly get those visually sickening scenes. Even I have my limits to horror films but this film, was difficult to get scared because in one scene, you'll see the main talent nude and then it cuts to a horror scene. Sure, you get severed limbs and hardcore blood splatters all over the place but they look so low-budget that it becomes almost like comedy than horror.

And for those who are used to schlocky zombie films, "Attack Girls' Swim Team Versus the Undead" maybe schlocky, especially when you find out what can make a zombie revert back to human but where zombie films focus a lot on the carnage, needless to say, this film probably leans less towards carnage and more to possibly getting the audience aroused. I can see Japanese adult video fans wondering how far both Japanese porn stars Sasa Handa and Yuria Hidaka will go in this film and although this is an unrated film, let's just say that Sasa Handa is probably not acting during those sexual scenes. In fact, it made me wonder if this film was similar to "Pirates II: Stagnetti's Revenge" which also features adult video stars in a more story-driven film, but in "Pirates II", that film was released in two formats (X-rated and R-rated). I have no idea if there is an X-rated version of this film but I wouldn't be surprised if there was.

Overall, the film is laughable, low-budget horror fare but then again, this film was not exactly created to win awards for cinematography or best screenplay, this film was created to bridge the gap for those who enjoy horror, zombie and softcore films and eventually brought overseas (and possibly a smart way for the Japanese to promote their AV stars outside of Japan). You literally get a mix of all three in "Attack Girls' Swim Team Versus the Undead".

For hentai anime fans, yes you get the fan service ala pantie shots and even a sexy beam that is shot from Aki's vajajay, what more can you ask for? If anything, the weakest part about this DVD release is that there are no DVD menu and no special features and of course, the storyline and acting is not exactly something to rave about. And this is a low-budget film, so you're not going to get a 5.1 soundtrack or awesome picture quality.

I'm sure there is a segment of movie fans who don't mind being aroused without the hardcore sex scenes and I know there are plenty of people who dig these style of Japanese horror/softcore films, so if you are one of those fans, then this "Attack Girls' Swim Team Versus the Undead: Unrated Limited Edition" is definitely for you!

If you are searching for something with a deep plot, developed characters, striking dialogue, harrowing suspense, and/or something that qualifies as a movie, then look elsewhere. If you are looking to laugh uncontrollably at a cinematic abortion, then you have found the Holy Grail.

The practical way to enjoy this film is with a group of people dropping jokes and color commentary on how awful it is, a la Mystery Science Theatre 3000. If you are expecting this to be an actual MOVIE, you are wasting your time and money.

Simply put, Attack Girls Swim Team Versus the Undead is both the worst AND the most fun film I have ever seen. The dialogue is goofy; the plot is stupid; the characters are pointless; the camera angles used to zoom in on the girls' chests and rears are atrocious; but the girls are gorgeous, especially Japanese porn star Sasa Handa.

To get the most out of this virus-invades-high-school-turning-everyone-into-zombies flick, grab a few cases of beer, a litre of Bacardi 151, and all of your nerd friends. Trust me- you're going to NEED all of that.

I found this a very entertaining movie, the fight sequences were OK, however I found the ending a bit weak and left me wondering what happened.

Have you ever marvelled at a Meatball Machine, fallen in love with a Robo-Geisha, cheered for the Mutant Girls Squad or even watched slack jawed at the political incorrectness of Vampire Girl Vs Frankenstein Girl? If you answered yes to any of this, then it's just the movie for you.

With AV Superstar Sasa Handa leading the cast (I was unsure what AV Superstar meant exactly but 30 minutes in it became pretty clear) this movie prides itself on the amount of exploitation it manages to wrench from its unbeatable comination of a Girls Swim Team + Sasa Handa + Zombies . With a smaller budget than the likes of Meatball Machine or Mutant Girls Squad it does share the same level of unhinged imagination and the burning desire to entertain through an outlandish story told in the most excessive way possible with extra ketchup.

Though this really isn't an "undead" movie, it is good in its own right. I enjoyed the campiness of the movie along with the gratuitous violence and sexiness. Understand there is much of both!!

Not nearly as stylized as movies like tokyo gore police or Yo Yo Girl Cop, it is clearly under budget. But if you liked these movies, you will probably enjoy this one too. I would see if you can rent it first though.