Customer Reviews

Attack of the Sabretooth

5 star:		(1)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(5)
1 star:		(4)

 

 

This inept movie doesn't have much going for it at all. A kind of JURASSIC PARK with the billionaire messing around with genetics and coming up with three nasty sabretooth tigers. The script calls them huge but they don't look all that big to me and the CGI effects are way below par. The cast is pretty ineffectual too, with Robert Carradine doing a Jack Nicholson impression, Nicholas Bell being properly British and boring and Stacy Haiduk trying to exude sexuality but not accomplishing it. The subplot involves, what else, a group of mindless college students who choose this resort site as a scavenger hunt for new pledges. There's no suspense but there is a bizarre ending in store for Mr. Bell that's fairly innovative. No real bite in this one, though.

I have very little to say about this waste of time except that it features perhaps the worst Special Effects shot I have ever seen. Watch for it at the end when the park owner is under the faux sabretooth statue thing on top of the gift shop. WOW!
One other note, it is mentioned that the sabretooths are "bulimic" because they can't keep their food down. A)they seem pretty healthy as they kill with wild abandon, including decapitations B) isn't bulima more of a psychological disorder rather than a physical by product of cloning? Or are the sabretooths (Sabreteeth?) embarrased by their body image and force themselves into the "binge and purge" cycle?

This movie is worse than the original Sabertooth. The plot is worse, the acting is worse, but the sabertooths look better. The titular creatures actually look pretty good for a Sci-fi original. But sadly, the creature doesn't appear all too often. Sometimes, the creature goes unnoticed for half an hour. But, for the plot, a mogul creates three sabertooths and makes an island attraction. But when customers arrive, the sabertooths escape! Sound familiar? Sometimes Attack of the Sabertooth forgets that its not Jurassic Park. But, Sabertooth doesn't pay homage to Jurassic Park, it just shames it. This movie is full of stupid scenes like the opening. A gurad is reading porn, but the wind whisks the magazine into the sabertooth cage. The guard somehow think risking life and limb is worth getting the porn, so he enters the cage. Of course the sabertooth eats him. But couldn't the writer find a better way to off the first guy? Or is the movie trying tyo make an anti-porn statement? No, this movie is far too stupid to make a statement of any kind. This movie snags 2 stars for its cool sabertooths.

this movie has one of the worst final sequenses ever. a sabre from a sabre tooth statue, falls on this guy, and lands in his mouth (real corny), and looks very bad. this movie exadurates with the gore, not nearly as much as pteradactyl, but still has to much. i must have counted 5 people who died from decapitaction ihn the first half hour. the bad points are listed below:
-bad acting
-bad plot
-why was the guy from lissy mugwyr in this?!
-bad evry thing
the few good points are listed below:
-pretty funny
-descesent cgi evects(beter than sabre tooth!)
-thats all i can hink of....
this movie is barly worth a hire, only good for laughs.

A couple weeks ago a co-worker of mine, Greg, asked me what were the top three worst movies I have ever seen. "Manitou" from the 70's was my number one pick, but I couldn't think of anything else off hand. Well, I'm happy to report to him that "Attack of the Sabretooth" is now holding the number two slot in that award!

This movie was released in 2005. I want you keep that fact in the back of your head throughout this review. The Sci-Fi Channel threw this thing together (literally, I would assume) and I don't think it was a made for TV movie. It actually is rated and has enough gore where I don't think it could get on the air without being edited. Either way, they should've just stopped making the film when the title was proposed. The movie seriously caters to some of the most inept writing I think I've encountered.

For some reason someone got it in their head and decided that ripping off Jurassic Park would be a great idea, but instead of dinosaurs we'll have that pre-historic mammalian era, you know like those creatures we see in Ice Age's animated movies. These animals are animated too, but they're supposed to be interacting with real humans, at this point they should've just animated the humans also. Anyway, some billionaire spends like all his money making some resort called Valalula... what a horrid name, that's enough to close up shop right there. Anyway, for some reason he thought it would be genius, so he is having some investors party where some elite few can get to see the park before anyone else... oh it's called "Primal Park" also, no idea what the duel name had to do with, but the latter makes more sense. Anyway, so he spends all his money to put together this resort on some tropical island and apparently in that process he forgot to put in a dock because his guests arrive by boat and they have to walk through some water to get to the beach... yeah real high quality. I wanted to invest in this idea right away!

He spent all this money, at least that's what we're led to believe, and got together some scientists and they extract Sabretooth Tiger DNA and bring them back to life. The science is never explained, unlike in Jurassic Park, perhaps it wasn't in this movie's budget. So the guy breeds some Sabretooth Tigers thinking it would be a great live attraction for people. In the beginning of the film a guard leaves the ground cages open because he tears out a page in a girly magazine and it blows over the fence, surprise he gets eaten. As if that's not predictable. Furthermore, we shortly find out that the tigers apparently see in blotchy Predator vision. Not sure why their eye functions like alien technology, but sure, I'll run with that idea. I think it was supposed to be some sort of heat vision at least... I mean the people were red and yellow... I could be completely wrong because the tiger/Predator vision made no real sense. (As if the rest of this film did.)

In the midst of this, some college students arrive on the island for a scavenger hunt, sent by their sorority and fraternity. Naturally they would have access to the island during the investor kick-off, because that makes perfect sense. I, of course, loved the token goth girl that was nothing but out of place for this group... because real goth's who are rather anti-social by principle and think society has something against them really try to get into sororities. Clearly this wasn't written by someone who hangs out with the goth crowd, rather someone who decided to write a character in to make everyone happy... right. So the college kids are running around the island and they need to get places that have higher security, so this "genius" hacker kid shuts down the security system... kind of like in that other movie I saw with dinosaurs and Sam Niell, only it was some guy that played Newman on Seinfeld that shut the system down.

At this point the security officers go to tell the owner that the security system was shut down and they can't figure out how to turn it back on. The owner exclaims that he paid 2.8 million dollars for the system and how could it go down. From what I know about business and security systems, if you're spending 2.8 million dollars you probably didn't buy something very high tech. This becomes painfully clear when you watch the security guards looking at the camera interface in the back room. Also the fact that they only seem to either carry single shot or double barrel shot guns, rather than guns you can reload quickly. Naturally when you want to handle animals like cats, which are very fast, you want to use a gun that is slow to reload.

So the tigers are out running around and killing people. The kids have to get away, but surprise there's this gruesome CGI cat that weighs like one ton and has its hind legs mutated. But the owner insisted on keeping that one alive, along with the two normal ones... that clearly made sense. I don't know what else to say at this point. The premise of the film is bad, the acting is bad, and the characters that were supposed to be portrayed were poorly written anyway.

The movie attempts to have some layer of intrigue with the owner's brother-in-law competing for his technology. But the kids apparently threw a kink into that system. Nothing even remotely stands out about this movie. I seriously can't talk about it anymore. The CGI is actually pretty poorly done for what kind of technology was available in 2005, so I definitely recommend people skip this film. Unless you and your friends want to put together a parody showing of Mystery Science Theater 3,000, in which case this has to be added to your list.

The Sci-Fi Channel should change their name to the Wasted Potential Channel. Attack of the Sabretooth continues their tradition of making cool premises into movies that really suck. In this low-grade Jurassic Park rip-off, we're treated to effects that range from Mediocore to Game Boy Pocket level, bad acting, a weak script, and bland directing.

Let's not forget that the Sabretooths are hardly in this mess. This is s sequel to a film simply entitled Sabretooth. Ther was only one Sabretooth Tiger there, and it still got more screen time than the three in this one. It aslo didn't look as fake.

Skip Attack Of The Sabretooth unless you hate yourself. Do you hate yourself? No? Then stay away from this garbage.

I was almost embarressed that this was directed by George Miller who directed Mad Max and a great Twilight Zone Movie episode and... dunno what since. Oh, he produced Babe and Dead Calm.
Til I checked the IMDB just now and saw:
Not to be confused with another Australian director, George Miller.
There's XIII of them. Well, only 2 that are directors.

FIRST: Any film that shows less of the monsters than in the superbly generous Pterodactyl is a sad failure to the degree we don't see.
But AotS rates about as infuriatingly less as it can go.
You just want to see more and more of the majestic creature, and in varying, hopefully creative, super tense action. But they virtually leave it asleep. It's a great shame, for the thing can look fantastic when it appears. And it's new, because all we've seen is dinos, dinos and more dinos until your eyes have soars.

Why? Budget?
I thought of Walking with dinosaurs. That is a TV show and EVERY shot has monsters.

SECOND:
This film does opt for the ironic humourous approach at key times, and it just doesn't work, destroying the right reactions of terror with jokes that wreck reality.

this movie is good to me but
too much digital pictures.
but it did have creature
violence,gore,guns.and
kind of a good ending so
just give it some credit
please.

It is difficult to find anything positive to say about ATTACK OF THE SABRETOOTH. If you attach it to any fright film about cloning, then you have this one. The acting is abysmal. Ditto for the FX, the scripting, and the dialogue. The plot concerns a money hungry hotel tycoon who has invested his dwindling fortune in cloning sabretooth tigers. He has succeeded and then opens his theme park (Primal Park) to well heeled investors. Naturally, some valley girl teens and dude types get involved, most of whom wind up as disposable tiger munchies. It is axiomatic that such films contain some exposed female skin, and those rare moments were the highlights. What ATTACK OF THE SABRETOOTH exposes is the all too often retold stereotype of the stupid victim, one whose obtuseness leads to his demise. You would think that a growling noise would discourage some undressing teens, but they go ahead right up till crunch time. There is nothing worthwhile here. Even the female flesh parts pale too quickly.

OK so i am a sucker for B movies and korny monster flicks but i loved this movie. plenty of humor and loads of guts and gore. not a bad story either for sucha film and i think it is similar to jurassic park except the budget and the director. a fun piece of film.