3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
I can enjoy good horror, schlock horror and even horror so bad it's good horror if only for the film merit but "Attack of the virgin mummies" has none of these. It is nothing but a skin flick and a bad skin flick at that.
The idea is that millennia ago...oh heck it doesn't matter. These horror/skin flicks can be good if they try but this doesn't even try. It's a bad excuse to have the most Nordic looking "Egyptians" EVER standing around naked with virtually no sets-posing as they call out to one another just so you can change shots to the next girl calling back. Shot on video tape instead of film it has a tacky, 1980's feel in all the wrong ways for its look. It doesn't even work as a skin flick.
I hoped it would get better but it didn't and I will confess I couldn't even make it to the conclusion. I saw no point and will never, EVER in my life wonder what happened at the end. The cast and directors clearly didn't care why should I?
8 of 10 people found the following review helpful
on March 13, 2011
Format: DVDVerified Purchase
I am a big fan of B movies, but this one lacks everything except a few naked girls. Many of the genre are much better; more girls and better production values.
Try instead The Mummy's Kiss, Mummy's Kiss 2nd Dynasty, and Blood Scarab.
6 of 8 people found the following review helpful
<strong>Attack of the Virgin Mummies</strong> (Daryl Carstensen and Andrew Schrom, 2004)
I had somehow gotten it into my head that <em>Attack of the Virgin Mummies</em> was a Misty Mundae movie, and I will sit through the worst schlock imaginable for a glimpse of the glorious Ms. Mundae. In this case, however, I was cruelly duped (and I will never speak to that associate again). It is a Misty-LIKE film, to be sure, in that it features a great deal of gratuitous nudity and a plot that stretches the bounds of the term ludicrous, but think on this: it took two directors to make a movie this utterly incompetent.
Writer-director Carstensen, a former animation checker who worked on movies as diverse as <em>The Iron Giant</em> and Bakshi's <em>The Lord of the Rings</em>, and his partner in crime Schrom (no other credits, and that's a GOOD thing) give us the story of three Egyptian princesses (<em>Crustacean</em>'s Hanna Harper and hardcore vixens Violet Blue and Nikki Love). First off, we get an extended scene that sets the stage. Three brothers come upon the girls bathing in the Nile (which looks a lot like the Snake River in northern Arizona...). Two of them (<em>Ben and Arthur</em>'s Michael Haboush and <em>Circle of Eight</em>'s David Reiner), natural-born charmers, are chatting up two of the lovelies, but their brother Turan (Peter Gullerud, whom Carstensen must have known from his animation days; Gullerud worked on animation and visual effects for Disney in the eighties and early nineties), who isn't too well-socialized, slips off with the third and ties her to a tree, and is about to have his way with her when they others find them. Turan is hauled back to face judgment, which of course comes with a curse (this IS ancient Egypt, after all). Fast-forward to the present day, and the sarcophagi of the three girls are hot items on the black market in America. A couple of inept delivery drivers (played by the directors) lose the crates out of the back of a truck, they break open, and, poof, three lovely young ladies appear. They're picked up alongside the road by a strip club owner and his pal (Reiner and Haboush), and you can see where this is going. But the reappearance of the ladies has reactivated Turan's curse, and he rises form the grave to stalk the girls.
It's so bad. It's so, so, so bad. I'm not sure I even have words to describe how bad it is. It's like trying to make a horror comedy using porn actresses. Oh, wait, that's exactly what it is. See? I can't even come up with any hyperbole that would make this sound even worse. It's THAT BAD. About the only things that could possibly recommend this movie are the copious nudity (as in, these ladies wear clothes for a total of, oh, five minutes...combined) and the laughably bad mummy effects. If either of these is enough to get you going, by all means, kill off as many brain cells as you want during the seventy-one minutes this movie runs. Everyone else...flee screaming in terror. ½
on February 20, 2014
What an embarrassing piece of crap. This is one of the instances when "it's so bad it's good" does not apply. It's so bad it's bad. Period. When I first moved to the mountains, I went out as a lark for this low budget film and thought it would be fun. Fun turned out to be a google nightmare. You know a film is terrible when the only actor complimented in reviews (character Bob) is from the actor himself. When we did audio overdubs in the studio, Daryl, the main director, would choose the worst of our attempts at fixing things (which were shots on windy days with apparently inadequate wind/"pop" filters for the mics.) It's laughable how some of the reviews here get the actors mixed up, but no, I wasn't the one who "tied her to a tree and had my way with her" - that was good 'ol Ross (who by the way is a much more interesting actor than "FrazierDave".) I admit to being equally bad as an actor, though. Dave and I should never attempt this again. At least with such a bad director. If anyone deserves some attention, it's Ross Marshall. His comedic sense shows some modicum of potential, in my humble opinion. Enough said, but for the record (and for my equally embarrassed relatives) I never exposed my dick. And additionally, for the record, this, Professor R. Roehl (brother in law to my former girlfriend), was a "T and A" film. Not a porno. Good catering, though!!
11 of 17 people found the following review helpful
on July 20, 2008
Format: DVDVerified Purchase
This movie was sub par at best. I've seen worse but it was very badly acted and the story was not very creative. I've seen hundreds of B type movies and you can do alot with a small budget and some decent writing and humor. This film does have some pretty girls, Hannah Harper among them. It is watchable and not too long but that's about it.
0 of 1 people found the following review helpful
on July 17, 2012
Format: DVDVerified Purchase
The only decent actor is Bob the bar owner...and even he was no good. I would only watch this movie for a "what not to do" in film making...