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8,702 of 8,832 people found the following review helpful
on November 16, 2010
We live underground. We speak with our hands. We wear the earplugs all our lives.

PLEASE! You must listen! We cannot maintain the link for long... I will type as fast as I can.

DO NOT USE THE CABLES!

We were fools, fools to develop such a thing! Sound was never meant to be this clear, this pure, this... accurate. For a few short days, we marveled. Then the... whispers... began.

Were they Aramaic? Hyperborean? Some even more ancient tongue, first spoken by elder races under the red light of dying suns far from here? We do not know, but somehow, slowly... we began to UNDERSTAND.

No, no, please! I don't want to remember! YOU WILL NOT MAKE ME REMEMBER! I saw brave men claw their own eyes out... oh, god, the screaming... the mobs of feral children feasting on corpses, the shadows MOVING, the fires burning in the air! The CHANTING!

WHY CAN'T I FORGET THE WORDS???

We live underground. We speak with our hands. We wear the earplugs all our lives.

Do not use the cables!
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2,056 of 2,108 people found the following review helpful
on March 19, 2009
If there is one cable I would whole-heartedly trust to my Chimera-hunting needs, this would be the cable. No other cable has the tensile strength to properly and efficiently garrote a lycanthrope, asphyxiate an Esquilax or even gag a mermaid. Last week, using my trusty AudioQuest K2 (retrofitted with lead weights, bright orange latex paint and a generous coating of crushed glass stolen from the window of an abandoned church at midnight), I managed to snuff 3 golden unicorns in swift succession!

Pros: Quickly tears through scales, fur, bone, and adamantium with ease
Coils and uncoils from hip holster (optional) quickly and quietly
For a product fabricated from 1,000 Onyx Dragon fetuses, the price is unbelievably reasonable!

Cons: Shipping from the R'lyeh took far too long
Doesn't come in 10' lengths (which would be perfect for hydra, cerberii and other multi-headed creatures)
After every use, I can feel 6 ounces of my soul slipping from my core into the ether. But this may be due to the fact that I prefer to work without gloves. YMMV.

Overall, I would recommend that any hunter buy one, nay, two, of these immediately, and experience the difference that upgrading to the K2 will make in your next quest!
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478 of 496 people found the following review helpful
on December 30, 2010
My cats chewed on this cable and now they can both speak. One of them is gay and the other wants to kill me. I would have rather not known.
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767 of 802 people found the following review helpful
Even when I buffered the lightning down to a few thousand volts, these cables burned out before revivification could take place. Worse, while wasting time with these the body began to putrify; now I have to go out and dig up fresh materials and spend all that time stitching them together again.

Doesn't anyone screen these ads?
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475 of 501 people found the following review helpful
on November 28, 2010
Using these cables, and only using these cables, I was finally able to hear an auditory gem that has been long rumored among music connaisseurs - Aretha Franklin's stress-fart just prior to her high A in her recording of "You're All I Need to Get By".

Worth every penny.
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707 of 751 people found the following review helpful
on October 26, 2009
With the help of this cable, I can now experience music the way it's meant to be heard. I find that plugging this directly into my ears helps transmit the cleanest, most pure sound. Make sure you clean your ears out though (with liquefied dark matter, of course), because quality will suffer if your ear-holes aren't sparkly clean.

Also, I can fly now because of this cable.
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231 of 245 people found the following review helpful
on November 27, 2010
I was a bit skeptical, but decided to take a chance and took out a second mortgage on my home to buy these cables. In a great wave of luck however, the cables actually built me a NEW house shortly after I lost mine to foreclosure (I lost my job after missing 2 weeks straight due to illness. Between you and I, though, I was really just spending 16 hours a day tweaking the connectors on these cables to get the best possible sound from my speakers.)

Although I love my new home, I do not love it as much as I do these cables. They are quickly becoming the favorite thing in my life, a position which used to be held by my daughter. She's old enough to take care of herself now, at least that's what I tell the Children's Services agent when they try to lecture me about food and clothing and blah blah blah.

Final verdict: buy 3 pair.
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116 of 120 people found the following review helpful
on December 3, 2010
They're TOO good. I plugged these things into my 50W Magnavox 2.1 surround receiver and they impregnated my daughter. And I don't even have a daughter. I had to return them so I can afford the pregnant daughter that my future wife is going to give birth to.
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143 of 150 people found the following review helpful
on November 28, 2010
If you are building a 2000:1 working prototype of a badger brain in a storage unit in the desert, this is definitely what you want as a synaptic analogue. Plain old aquarium tubing will work for chemical signals, but for electrical impulses you want a FAST, ACCURATE conductor. WIre clothing hangars WILL NOT WORK!

While the K2 may put you over budget, you'll be glad you spent the extra money once your project begins exhibiting the tenacity you need for Phase 2. Once you get that baby mounted into semi trailer and finalize the navigation and weapons interfaces, I'm thinking you'll recoup your investment in the first week.
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184 of 195 people found the following review helpful
on April 20, 2011
What a piece of junk. I had a $20 wire roll from Radio Shack and another $14 sunk in banana plugs, and they worked perfectly fine. But I was looking for great, not 'perfectly fine'. So, as any reasonable person would logically conclude, I needed to spend $8,400 on speaker cables.

I ordered these babies and hooked them up. They didn't even work! I mean, no sound. Nada. I put back in my old 'shack wires and I got music again. Tried my AudioQuests again, and... nothing.

Being the tinkerer that I am, I got out my x-acto knife and cut into the sleeve. The damn thing's full of cocaine! From one end to the other, not one wire in the case. Just 16 feet of cocaine in a fancy package. I dunno if this is supposed to be a grown man's Pixie Stick or something, but I feel cheated.
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