Authentic Conversations: Moving from Manipulation to Truth and Commitment [Paperback]

Jamie Showkeir (Author), Maren Showkeir (Author), Margaret J. Wheatley (Foreword)

Book Description

Publication Date: September 1, 2008

Authentic Conversations takes a radical new look at the potentially transformational role of workplace conversations. Through over twenty-five years of work as organizational consultants, Maren and James Showkier have discovered that conversation has the power to create, sustain or change organizational culture. But much of the time the kind of organizational culture these conversations sustain is one that stymies growth and erodes commitment. The problem is an organizational culture based on a kind of parent-child model, with leaders treating employees as children who needed caretaking and protecting The Showkeirs advocate instead authentic conversations that are based on an adult-adult model. In these conversations participants tell the truth, let go of the illusion of control, and view each other as in charge of their own motivation. The result is a conversation revolution that creates greater commitment, real accountability for results, and improved organizational performance.

Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher

Praise for Authentic Conversations

"This is as good as any book I have read about how to change the conversation to change the culture. It frames accountability in a powerful way and moves forward our thinking about how real change occurs. It is clearly and simply written... I highly recommend this book."
--Peter Block, author of Stewardship, Flawless Consulting, and Community

"I have not been a fan of reading business books with two exceptions--David Whyte's The Heart Aroused and Peter Block's The Empowered Manager. I will now add Authentic Conversations to that very small list, and so should you."
--Lee C. Smith, Founding Chair, International AIDS Vaccine Initiative, and President Emeritus, Levi Strauss International

"After thirty-five years working in newspapers and nine more as a `school readiness' advocate, I wished I had read this book decades ago. It would have helped so much. Its basic theme of honest, respectful conversations is the answer to so much in business and in life."
--David Lawrence Jr., President, The Early Childhood Initiative Foundation, and retired publisher, The Miami Herald

"The Showkeirs have written a book that gives us the tools for conversations that can help us create a shared purpose and the future we hope for. This authentic approach is essential not only for business results but for any conversation that is important to you."
--Nancy Light, Senior Associate Director of Philanthropy, The Nature Conservancy, Maine Chapter

"This book is for everyone, from the CEO to the everyday employee, who is serious about working in an organization in which every person has a deep personal commitment to the success of the business. The concepts and practical steps outlined in this book are easy to understand and are a genuine source of sustainable competitive advantage...This book offers us hope."
--Jim Burke, Regional Director of Human Resources, Asia Pacific, Watson Wyatt Worldwide

"If you believe that conversations change the world and if you have a passion for organizations that work, you will want this book. This book has the combination of relevance, inspiration, and actionable steps that I seek in books."
--John Schuster, Principal, Schuster Kane Alliance and author of The Power of Open-Book Management and Answering Your Call

"This book is about sharing the truth with each other in ways that build effective relationships and improve business results. It is not a fairy tale but an honest, hard-hitting book. And it's not just for leaders or managers--it is for everyone in your organization. If you want to compete successfully in the world marketplace, you need Authentic Conversations."
--Dr. Kent M. Keith, CEO, Greenleaf Center for Servant Leadership and author of Anyway: The Paradoxical Commandments

"I can't remember the last time I was this excited about a book on corporate cultures and leadership. Authentic Conversations gets to the heart of what is really going on in organizations, presents persuasive business reasons for change, and puts forth a proven strategy to get on with unleashing the organization's buried and dormant core potential. It left me wanting more."
--Patrick J. Banks, PhD, President, Banks International, LLC

"The Showkeirs' take on using conversations for cultural transformation is refreshing and eminently logical. They challenge much of the conventional wisdom about managing people. This book teaches us how to intrinsically inspire individuals to choose to succeed."
--Bob Gremillion, Executive Vice President, Tribune Publishing Company

"The Showkeirs' new book envisions organizations where employees treat each other as business partners, colleagues, and trusted advisors, allowing the wisdom of the organization to emerge. For leaders ready to share power in order to build an organization that is stronger, more responsive, more flexible, and more focused on serving customers, this book is a field manual for changing cultures. It is a must read."
--Melvin D. Dowdy, PhD, Executive Director, Center for Organizational Excellence, Bon Secours Richmond Health System

"Authentic Conversations is one of the most important books I've read in years. It makes a compelling case for the great benefits--both for people and for organizations--that can come from engaging in true conversation."
--Larry C. Spears, President and CEO, The Spears Center for Servant-Leadership, Inc.

"Authentic Conversations gives us a chance to renew and revive a lost art and essential foundational element so our society can be viable. Additionally, this book gives us models for how to have conversations for those who have never been exposed to an authentic conversation."
--Corwin Harper, Senior VP/Area Manager, Kaiser Permanente

About the Author

Maren Showkeir and James Showkeir are the principals of Henning-Showkeir and Associates, a consulting firm whose work centers on harmonizing the demand for business results with creating a culture where individuals can find meaning and purpose at work. Their clients include 3M, Blue Cross/Blue Shield, British Airways, Coca-Cola, Ford Motor Company, Hewlett Packard, Levi Straus and The Nature Conservancy.

Product Details

• Paperback: 209 pages
• Publisher: Berrett-Koehler Publishers (September 1, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1576755959
• ISBN-13: 978-1576755952
• Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.5 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (13 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #152,582 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

8 of 8 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars We Must Be the Change We Want to See, November 4, 2008

By 

Jeffrey N. Mccollum "Greenleaffan" (Gilbert, AZ) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Authentic Conversations: Moving from Manipulation to Truth and Commitment (Paperback)

This book is challenging and provocative. It's not one you can breeze through because it has this unsettling knack for holding up a mirror and saying, "Hey look. There's something here I want you to see." The something it wants us to understand is how deeply our everyday conversations at work are riddled with a lack of authenticity and how that lack stifles engagement and personal accountability. As a result, business results are less than they could be.

At the heart of this problem is an enormous collusion--a pattern of parent-child conversations that have become undiscussible in daily life. These norms in turn create organizational culture. The Showkeirs' fundamental premise is if you want to change a culture you have to change the conversations--difficult and, in their view, dangerous work. To change those conversations we have to accept our complicity in them.

The book is broken into two broad sections. First the Showkeir's lay out their case for change. Then, the offer a set protocols for shifting those conversations.

The case for change starts with an identification of "relationships that don't work at work ". Specifically, they point out how the following conversations--holding others accountable, caretaking, coping with disappointment and colluding with cynicism--are so deeply engrained that we take them for granted. "In all cases, these types of conversations have a detrimental impact on the culture and the business", they argue.

The conversations rest on a set of "old" management assumptions that see people as objects, ignore individual freedom and will, use policies and procedures that ensure compliance and emphasize leaders and experts while ignoring those who work in the system.

Leaders who see their role as "holding people accountable (as opposed to them being accountable) and who seek to protect their organizations from the rough and tumble vicissitudes of the market place (as opposed to helping them understand those realities) are operating from an implicit parent child model. This model puts unreasonable expectations on the leader and creates dependency in those led. [Although the Showkeirs chose not to venture into a discussion of contemporary American politics, it was hard for me to avoid looking at their arguments in the light of how self interest seems to be trumping service on the public stage.]

The Showkeirs explore the power of cynics to sap organizational change efforts of vitality and momentum. They become, in effect, a black hole into which hopes for a better future disappear. Leaders who seek to protect people from disappointment by promising safe landings in all difficult circumstances create cynics.

The antidote to all of this is to promote an "adult to adult culture" in which each individual in the organization:
* Becomes the eyes and voice of the business
* Brings an independent point of view
* Is expected to raise difficult issues
* Extends a spirit of goodwill to the endeavor
* Creates business literacy in others
* Choose accountability for the success of the whole business
* Manages his own morale, motivation and commitment

These qualities propel an organization from manipulation to engagement. People in the organization are enabled, ennobled and empowered--by their own choice. Manipulative conversational practices like name dropping, hidden agendas, over promising, sarcasm and exaggerated optimism or pessimism are replaced by authentic ones. All of this requires that we remain vigilant to three levels that operate in any conversation: the content, others' emotional responses and our own emotional responses. To business that operate on the belief that "business is about logic and fact based decisions", these three realities are radical in their own right.

Having laid out their case, the last portion of the book is a "practical guides to conversations like:
* Facing a difficult issue
* Seeking an exception (a radical reversal of the common organizational practice that it's easier to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission)
* Proposing change
* Introducing a mandate
* Renegotiating an established relationship
* Initiating endings
* Dealing with individual performance

These types of conversations, done in a manipulative parent-child environment, tie people in knots. Done authentically, they create clear, clean communication which, in turn, drives business performance to higher and higher levels.

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars How honest conversations can promote accountability, November 10, 2009

By 

Rolf Dobelli "getAbstract" (Switzerland) - See all my reviews
(HALL OF FAME REVIEWER)    (TOP 500 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Authentic Conversations: Moving from Manipulation to Truth and Commitment (Paperback)

A simple, honest conversation has the power to change the way your staff members think and even to shape your corporate culture. Effective work environments encourage employees to act according to their individual sense of responsibility and to pull together to make the business as good as it can be. This beats ordering people to do their best, then watching them like a hawk to make sure they don't make mistakes. To promote a spirit of accountability among your staff members, communication and corporate-culture experts Jamie and Maren Showkeir recommend engaging them in "authentic conversations" and avoiding the parent-child discourses common in many firms. In this thoughtful, inspiring book, they explain how to foster positive conversations. getAbstract recommends it to all leaders, from top executives to human resources professionals, supervisors and coaches.

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Conversation and relationship makeover!!, July 31, 2010

By 

Urban Scrawl (Belfast) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Authentic Conversations: Moving from Manipulation to Truth and Commitment (Paperback)

The authors of Authentic Conversations declare up front that they want
the first half of this book to raise a mirror to typical workplace
culture. It makes for uncomfortable reading because it shows us how
much growing up we've all got to do.

The big idea here is that business culture operates from a Parent-Child
interaction (think Games People Play: The Basic Handbook of Transactional Analysis.).
What this looks like is that managers (meet the parents) act in a supervisory, but
also protective role towards the workforce (the children), who are concerned
with complying with their job description. This sounds all too familiar for most of us.
The authors suggest that we need to mature into an Adult-Adult way of interacting.
This is done by initiating authentic conversations based on truth over manipulation.
It means declaring that we cannot see into the future and we have made mistakes.
It means everyone being accountable for the success of the business at hand.
The second half of this book suggests ways to start these conversations.

I consider this book as offering a radical transformation for the workplace
and how we see ourselves in it. By being accountable each of us must take
responsibility and stop blaming management or staff for poor performance.
The good news: this transformation can begin right now. And it begins
with you and me.