Customer Reviews

And Baby Makes Three: The Six-Step Plan for Preserving Marital Intimacy and Rekindling Romance After Baby Arrives

5 star:		(17)
4 star:		(4)
3 star:		(4)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

I am a certified labor doula and I bought this book so I could help my doula clients. I didn't realize how helpful it would be to me as well. I wanted to be able to provide my clients with some good information about how things might be after their baby is born. IT's not an easy transition in many ways. Although delightful, the roller coaster of emotions both parents go through can be rough and lead to divorce. I can't tell you how many times I have gone to a postpartum visit only to see my clients sitting separately. The dad not responding to mom's requests and mom not talking to dad but talking AT him. I know them because we met prenatally and seeing the transition is astounding. The once happy couple, who would do anything for each other while pregnant, is now sad. Dad is no longer focused on mom and wanting to make her happy. Mom isn't really doing much to make dad happy. They are two people living in the same home but they are slowly losing each other. Sleep deprivation and an overwhelming sense of responsibility on both parents is splitting them apart. What's worse is, we don't think about how this will affect the baby.

When couples think about how life will change when baby comes, they often think about how it will affect them. They don't think about how these changes will affect their baby; especially in the long run. This book describes those changes and offers suggestions and support on how to get through them. Dad's typically withdraw and I thought it was very normal. It is, however, if dad withdraws from baby and for significant periods, this will have a profound effect on the baby at the present time and in the long run. We must also think about the baby not just us.

I heard an MD speak about Bringing Baby Home last year. My son was almost 3 at the time. I was shocked when I learned about this transition and the stages that we go through. The biggest reason...we went through each transition! It was like I was reliving what happened. Learning that what we experienced was normal, that everyone goes through it but not everyone survives it. I was able to rejoice in the fact that we were in the last stage and we were going to survive.

It is a rough road this "Transition to Parenthood." Don't let people think you need to be happy when all you are feeling is frustration and resentment. BUY THIS BOOK! Read it in pregnancy and read it again after the baby is born. Go to the classes if you have a local educator. IF you want to survive your marriage or relationship after Bringing Baby Home, YOU NEED THIS BOOK!

I LOVED the book Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Unfortunately, this book is simply a remake of that one. Many of the stories are identical, and not much of the information is new. There are a couple chapters related specifically to having a baby, but you could read them quickly at the library without purchasing the book. If you haven't read the other book, this book would be great -- just don't buy both!!

This book will definitely help couples keep their marriages on track post-baby if both spouses read it, and I'd recommend reading it BEFORE baby arrives and talking about it together. That way, when you're sleep deprived and your life is upside down due to having a new baby in your life and family, you might remember some of the good advice about how to communicate with each other and take care of each other. I really liked the many examples from couples studied, and the research-based nature of the recommendations. You probably won't be surprised at the "no-duh" nature of much of this book, since caring for your spouse and marriage really boils down to communicating well with each other, thinking about the other person, and treating them with respect and love. Kindness begets kindness! Nonetheless, it's helpful to read the data supporting the recommendations and to have these messages reinforced for you and your spouse. Good luck!

I was looking for something that was truly more about rekindling romance and intimacy. That it NOT what this book was about. I feel like this book is about mommy and daddy treating each other like crap, no respect, and how not to do so. My husband and I dont have that problem. We love each other, respect each other, and help each other. We just dont have time for each other anymore, so we are losing our connection. This book doesnt have many tips on that.

I read this book soon after having my baby and was WOWED at how right the authors got it ALL. I wish I'd read it during pregnancy, but fortunately my husband and I were already communicating well and preparing to be a team as parents (we'd been married for nine years at that point).

But even then, the book provided good reminders. Also, this book does such a great job creating a sense of normalcy out of what feels like very ABNORMAL situations (screaming baby, two testy parents, no sex, etc.). Every single chapter resonated with me, and I found the parenting advice to be great too. The advice to love and delight in your baby seems so obvious, and yet I think it's so easy for new parents to feel burdened by the new demands and miss all the joy. I also really appreciate the emphasis they put on husbands becoming involved fathers. I really think that the advice in this book is RIGHT ON.

I loved this book so much that I bought a bunch of extra copies and have been giving them to friends as they become pregnant. I recommend it to EVERYONE who is expecting a baby or has a new baby in the house.

We are reading this book together at night, and it's very informative and well written. I like the research aspect, which lends the book credibility. We haven't finished it yet, but the title seems a bit off - it's not as much about intimacy and romance as it is communicating through this new life transition. So far, it's really helpful.

Another fabulous book by the Gottmans. It provides exercises for you to work through and highlights what successful married, parents do to keep the love (and respect) alive. I am glad we bought this book before we started our family.

Babyproofing Your Marriage: How to Laugh More and Argue Less As Your Family Grows is an easy, more anecdotal read. We enjoyed them both!

This book is a must have for every couple about to have a baby...or even for those who already have children. It helps you realize you are not alone and there are very simple things you can do to reconnect and be a "couple" while you are also mommy and daddy.

My husband and I attended the Gottman's Institute couples weekend counseling retreat in Seattle, WA last year for our 7 yr anniversary. We had a 1.5 yr old son and were STILL trying to find a balance with job/chore/life sharing.
The weekend helped us rekindle our romance and go out into the world prepared. The years and years of research, combined with the Gottman's wonderful personalities and life stories, and a few basic techniques to use in the real world, are vital. We arrived tired, cranky, short-answers thrown at each other, and not expecting much. We left holding hands, smiling, telling stories about our life together, and rededicated to each other. I truly believe this retreat not only improved our marriage, it may even have saved it from the downward spiral towards divorce that most couples face at some point in their marriage.
If you can afford to go to this retreat I would HIGHLY encourage it! If you live near Seattle, they were having "baby makes 3" workshops as well.
For the rest of you, READ THIS BOOK! Or get The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work; as another review said, it has a lot of the same information.

We are currently expecting baby #2 (due in July :) and we are still nervous about the changes this will bring to our relationship. No more "you take him, I'll do this"...now we'll have one for each of us and we know the job/chore/life sharing problems are going to come up again. But this time, I think we'll be ready.
I'm rereading this book for a refresher right now. :)

I think there is a lot of interesting info in this book, and helpful ideas and activities for a couple facing the transition to Parenthood. But it felt like it focused more on just the marriage relationship than the new family dynamic, and sometimes was a bit heavy on the activity sort of stuff. There's not really anything bad about it, and it doesn't need to be avoided, I'm just not sure it was necessary or SO helpful, you know? Still, overall glad I read it with my husband.

As a therapist and a grandmother, I believe that the best gift we can ever give our children is a good, healthy marriage in which the primary relationship is between the parents. I gave the book to each of my children who just became parents. Gottman is right on target.
Marge Coffey, LCSW