Customer Reviews

Babyproofing Your Marriage: How to Laugh More, Argue Less, and Communicate Better as Your Family Grows

5 star:		(56)
4 star:		(13)
3 star:		(10)
2 star:		(8)
1 star:		(8)

 

 

This is a needed book on an important topic, and I recently picked it up, hoping to gain insights as we prepare for the birth of our second child. It started out as a funny and well-written page-turner.

A couple of chapters in, though, it became problematic. The book really would have benefited from having a male co-author. It comes across as unbalanced and, occasionally, like a husband-bashing fest. Even my wife felt the same way - rather than taking sides with the authors, she thought it was pretty critical and unfair to men. After reading the Scorekeeping chapter, we just looked at each other and commented on how sad it sounded. It focuses too much on the staggering workload of childcare and not enough on the rewards. Some chapters paint so bleak a picture of the post-children landscape of a marriage that it might discourage undecided readers from even wanting kids. I'm very glad I didn't read this before we had our first child.

Efforts are made to focus the content on both genders. The book is divided into topical chapters, each of which contains a "What She Thinks" and a "What He Thinks" section. Those sections mostly do a good job of summarizing common thinking patterns and backing them up with anecdotal quotes from both men and women.

However, the women authors sometimes couldn't resist using their platform to take sides (and digs) when sharing the quotes from the men. These sections feel very unbalanced and, as a male reader, I felt frustrated and defensive at points. The authors belittle any major undertaking that a father might want to attempt outside the home, and insinuate that little or no weekend "free time" should be expected. They catalog male behaviors as "escape-planning" and "shortcut-seeking;" they cite examples of the "did-enough dad." One otherwise responsible father's desire to train for a marathon, for example, is viewed as an "elaborate escape plan" to avoid domestic responsibility. (The idea that a responsible man "shouldn't" have significant goals outside of work and home life is implicit.) In contrast, the female's biggest crime is typically to be overly "compulsive" about the domestic details of child-rearing. In other words, to be too good at parenting! (This authorial disingenuity is equivalent to telling a prospective employer that one's greatest weakness is a tendency to work too hard.)

In the most glaring case, they included a quote from a man talking about how "emasculating" it felt to him when he felt like the family's life had become a big domestic treadmill - like the "fun" part of their lives was over, he often felt like a "robotic working stiff," and he never felt like he was doing enough. "Oh, boo hoo," one of the women authors sardonically comments as they transition back from the quote. At that point I nearly put the book aside, certain that it was hopelessly crippled by a lack of objective editing. There is always a problem when grown-ups make it their business to tell other grown-ups what they should value. In belittling the man's story and emotions, the authors proved his point for him. I doubt that a book written by men about how women "should" feel or what they should value would go over very well, and the overall lack of restraint mars the book's effectiveness.

However, I pressed on, and finished, and I do think that the book overall is a helpful resource (even if it occasionally gives off the impression, or states outright, that "babyproofing" translates into giving up on your old life and on your dreams). A later chapter emphasizes the value of spouses giving each other time to recharge their batteries and stay happy, which was baffling in contrast to the browbeating in earlier sections.

Just read it with a grain of salt, take the good advice, and don't let the authors berate you or convince you that you can't find responsible ways for everyone in the family--adults and kids--to lead rewarding, happy lives.

This book is phenomenal and I wish I could give it 10 stars. Not only is it smart, well-written and organized, and highly entertaining, it's also insightful and solution-oriented. I've read a number of books on marriage and parenting, but none that ever combined the two the result is one of the best books I've read in years.

This book will clearly be bought and read predominantly by women, but I'd say it gives near-equal billing to men (not bad for female authors) and does an excellent job of telling the male side of the story. The authors seem to truly empathize with the largely untold story of men having their worlds turned upside down (albeit not nearly as much as women) by parenthood. One day they are the center of their spouse's universe (and vice versa) and the next they are relegated to secondary status. The book does an excellent job of describing why this is necessarily (and temporarily) so. Simply stated, if moms didn't focus 100% of their attention on babies, the human species wouldn't survive. Similarly, if males were not so focused on sex (before and after having kids), the human species wouldn't survive either. This powerful idea arguably explains the bulk of male-female disconnect, post-kids.

Speaking of sex, the chapter on that subject is amazing and well worth the price of the book alone. The 5-minute fix, which some people might take issue with, is probably not for everyone. But it takes up 1 page out of nearly 300, and as with every suggestion in the book, it's soft-pedaled and clearly stated as something to think about rather than a strong recommendation.

The other chapters are full of excellent and entertaining advice - from managing in-laws and multiple kids to striving for life balance (yeah right). My favorite part of the book was the end, which provides heartwarming reflections from grandparents. Most importantly, early parenthood is JUST A PHASE, not unlike military boot-camp. If couples work hard TOGETHER and respect each other's needs and idiosyncrasies, the ultimate payoff is incredible, and your marriage can grow stronger due to parenthood.

I've read a number of blog reviews on the book and they seem to be overwhelmingly positive. There are a couple of negative reviews, which I suppose is to be expected from a book that's original and opinionated. The funny thing is, most of the controversial/offensive stuff in the book comes from interview quotes rather than the authors themselves. Anything that might come across as offensive is likely meant to be humorous (and this book is really funny). If anything, the authors are extremely balanced and non-judgmental, which is impressive given the controversial nature of the subject material. I can see where feminists might take issue with some of the content, but I see A LOT more here that feminists would embrace. Parts (as with any good book) require at least a somewhat open mind. That said, I think the political substance here is very very mainstream.

Anyone who's mildly curious as to the subject matter of this book owes it to themselves to give it a try. It's had a profound impact on how I think about marriage and parenthood, which will ultimately make me a better parent and a better spouse.

I just finished reading "Babyproofing" and have only one criticism: that it wasn't written 17 years ago!!! I am a married mother of three boys ages 16,9,and 2. My husband and I could've used this book a long time ago! I truly enjoyed this funny, light hearted page turner. I laughed outloud as I related all too well. This book is for all couples whether you've been married forever or just getting started. If you want to survive through your childrens' future milestones with not only your marriage intact but your sanity as well, I highly suggest reading this book. I have one in diapers and one behind the wheel, and my husband and I are still learning. This book reminded us that we're not alone and you can laugh at yourself every now and then. If you have kids- read it. And if you're contemplating having kids then don't do anything until you read this book first!

I have never written a review about anything before, but after reading this book, I felt compelled to share my review. As I was reading, it was as if the authors had been living in my home for the past year. Going from a marriage in which we were partners to being whipped back to 1955 was a major shock to me, and my husband never realized how much work was truly involved in becoming a parent. The transition to parenthood is an incredibly wonderful, but extremely difficult journey and this book helps to navigate the ups and downs that ALL couples face. I have decided that this book will be new baby shower gift to anyone I know having their first child. Particularly because it outlines the situation from both the male and female perspective. There were a lot of things they talked about from the "dad perspective" that I had never even considered. I highly recommend this book for you and for anyone you know that is thinking of having a baby, is pregnant, or is in the first year of parenthood!

If you have the perfect spouse, children,and know the right answers to everything in all family situations, this book is not for you BUT if you are like the rest of us, which is mostly everyone who is searching for answers, this book is an indispensable read. This book's subject is unique in that it humorously and objectively describes the everyday challenges and issues of a baby's impact on marriage both from the husband and wife's point of view. In doing so, it provides numerous options for solving inevitable conflicts and breakdown in communications, especially in the sensitive subject of sex. I simply could not put this book down and found myself laughing out loud and nodding my head in constant agreement. My only regret is this book was not available years ago when my parents (now divorced) were wading through the minefields of young parenthood. Do yourself a favor and read this book and watch your married life take a quantum leap for the better.

I'd read this to my wife and we'd laugh and think and talk. We have 4 year old twins and this book has helped me understand what happened to the last four years of our lives! No wonder we are so stressed and aggravated with each other, gads, our kids will be 5 soon and this book not only helped me understand myself so much what I've been doing wrong but what she has been going through and expecting from me. C'mon, women it would be so much easier if you just came out and told us but as this book tells us, women won't tell you they expect you to just get it. Okay, so I get it, I get it. Now about that 5-minute miracle.

I know, you "don't have time to read." Believe me, as a stay-home mom of a 2-yr-old and 2-month-old, I KNOW. So why get another book?

This is why I like it and why I've given it to a few close friends:
1. It makes me feel NORMAL, whereas before I felt like some freak of nature and the only person going through these problems! That alone has done wonders for my psyche.
2. It's written by real people moms and not academic experts - they have been in the trenches and lived to tell about it. I especially like the story of the woman who was so exhausted she tried to breastfeed her husband's arm in bed.
3. It shines a lighthearted and humorous light on some otherwise very weighty and serious topics such as extreme fatigue, resentment and other sensitive areas (see chapter titled "Coitus Non-Existus.") I laugh out loud every time I read a section, and a little laughter goes a long way - real stress relief!
4. The analogies are always right on and also funny, like comparing a baby to a hand grenade thrown at a marriage. And then comparing a baby plus a toddler to a full frontal assault including tanks and heat-seeking missiles. Painfully true!!! And comparing husband and wife to circling wolves, ready to fight over any scraps of "free time" that get thrown their way.
5. It is refreshingly non-biased to either sex - both points of view are really represented fairly, so instead of staking wife against husband or vice versa it puts us all on the same team, in this together as parents and spouses.
6. You don't have to read it all the way through. I've only read sections; I can pick it up at a different place each time to get a little perspective. For immediate humor and reality, check out the table on page 196.

Everyone of us who have been married or are in relationships and have then had children know what a life changing experience it can be. You think you are prepared when you are pregnant and shared with every one of your friends and family members experiences and have read every tome on motherhood and parenthood that you can lay your hands on and are therefore so ready for the babies.
But when the baby arrives oh my god what a shocker it is because all that you held sacred in your relationship goes right out of the window.This is the time when you need a book like 'Babyproofing Your Marriage'.
When I had my initiation into motherhood by fire, I went through my share of tears and absolute meltdowns where my poor husband felt he was now living with a monster and I thought he was the biggest jerk who lived on the face of this earth. Yes our magical sex life had diminished to furtive intercourse with one eye at the clock or for the baby's wails. We had to schedule our times as opposed to satisfying spontaneous sessions before the baby arrived. The marriage was hanging between a thin thread of finding time and energy to even find shared laughter.
Thanks to this book I feel what I went through was completely normal and I was not alone and most mothers feel the same. I would recommend this book to couples who are new parents or are going to become one. You need this book to make you realize that you are all absolutely 'normal' human beings and not inhabiting a different planet once you become parents. This book puts the major issues in a relationship into perspective. For me it was a book that made me laugh and cry at the same time. It made me feel like a woman, wife, mother and friend that would make me proud of myself. Yes, thank you for making me feel whole again.
Yes please read this book if you want to stay married or in your relationship because there are many times post-baby when you are so ready to sign the divorce papers and think this is the very end and you want your previous whole selves back again. This book is not about feminism, post-feminism or any other definitions you want to define it with. Its about being a parent and a partner, with a healthy perspective of the issues involved.
I think this book alters the face of your relationship with your partner.

As I was reading this book, I couldn't stop myself from reading parts aloud to my husband -- funny parts as well as ... well, things that really hit home. The chapter about mommy insanity -- that desire to throw a gala for a one-year-old's birthday, for example -- is my favorite. And of course, the sex chapter is a must-read. (At least my husband says so. :-) )

it's amazing to me that through all the pre-baby prep--the birthing classes, the baby showers, the brushing up on FMLA, the car-seat installation, no one mentions that it might make sense to figure out who is getting up at night with the new arrival (that is, deciding who is getting up BEFORE one of you is going crazy due to sleep-deprivation). babyproofing was--to me--like having an older sister give me a bit of perspective, & some good solutions..full of common-sense which, given above sleep-deprivation, i certainly lacked. good book.