Back Off! is filled with real-life success stories from women who have stopped harassers cold: - Sharon, who succeeded in stopping a whole crew of habitual harassers in a city park . . . - Stephanie, a ten-year-old who confronted and escaped a child molester . . . - Catharine and Molly, who stood up to their landlord and stopped him from harassing the tenants . . . and dozens more. From an eight-year-old who successfully challenged two young harassers on the playground to an organized group of fifty women who confronted a dockworker in response to an attempted rape on the job, here's what they did, how they did it - and how you can do it, too. Back Off! is the first book to focus on the direct-action tactics that work and the first to deal with harassment everywhere it takes place, in both blue-collar and white-collar jobs, at school, on the street, on the bus or subway, in the park, even in church. Back Off! examines the dynamics of sex and power in sexual harassment, the motives behind harassers' actions, and why traditional responses such as appeasement or aggression don't work, and describes the successful resistance strategies that you really can use - including nonviolent personal confrontation techniques, group confrontations, administrative remedies, and formal lawsuits.
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28 of 31 people found the following review helpful
By C Clancy
Format:Paperback
Just excellent! This book provides a critical missing link in the education of women of all ages. It teaches us how to stand up to and STOP the sexual harassment that is so pervasive in our lives.
It teaches you how to eliminate the rewards ( like ego boosts, power trips ) and at the same time introduce negative consequences to men who sexually harass women ( public humiliation, embarassment, loss of job, etc.)
It is written candidly, with humor and insightful real-life examples of harassment situations, and empowering stories how women - and male allies - stopped harassment with dignified, principled confontations.
Sexual harassment motives are clearly explained. Time-tested methods of effective confrontation are clearly outlined, with plenty of examples that any woman could use the next time she is harassed.
Every girl and woman should have these priceless verbal skills - as well as good self-defense training - in this day and age.
Our whole society suffers from the ripple effects of sexual harassment. Harassers, on a larger scale cause distrust and other negative reprecussions from women towards all men in general. Everyone, men and women suffer the consequences.
This book now shows our male allies how they can help. Many good men out there are also tired of witnessing sexist mistreatments of women around them, and are more than willing to back us up on this!
Men learn how to withdraw male approval and hold other men accountable for sexist behavior, effectively removing any peer approval or male bonding type rewards.
This book shows how we can all turn the tables on harassers and finally stop the inexcusable, hostile behavior that is sexual harassment .
... Read more ›4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
By K. Randall
Format:Paperback
I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS BOOK! I had the privilege of meeting and attending one of the author's self defense classes in DC. Martha gives great advice for these seemingly hopeless and degrading situations. She stresses keeping control and using words in a productive way to fight back. And it is reflected in this book.
She is a small woman, about 5'2" and appears not at all aggressive, so she can relate to just about all of us. And she knows what she's talking about!
Yes, it's confrontational, but because that is how you deal with sexual harrassment. You cannot be vague in your request to a harrasser to stop. You must be clear, in control and direct when you confront, or you will not be taken seriously. And that is what I got from her book and her class.
This book has given me great insight on how to deal with different situations that we, as women, face every day. And from each story, you see how effective the power of your words are. I was actually quite shocked to see how effective it really was.
She is a small woman, about 5'2" and appears not at all aggressive, so she can relate to just about all of us. And she knows what she's talking about!
Yes, it's confrontational, but because that is how you deal with sexual harrassment. You cannot be vague in your request to a harrasser to stop. You must be clear, in control and direct when you confront, or you will not be taken seriously. And that is what I got from her book and her class.
This book has given me great insight on how to deal with different situations that we, as women, face every day. And from each story, you see how effective the power of your words are. I was actually quite shocked to see how effective it really was.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
Back off is a great book for anyone needing to take a stand for themselves.
The book was shipped super fast. I would recommend it to any one. And if
anyone was able to take the classes offered by the author I recommend the class 100%.
No one should be sexually harassed ever.
The book was shipped super fast. I would recommend it to any one. And if
anyone was able to take the classes offered by the author I recommend the class 100%.
No one should be sexually harassed ever.
By hazmatdance
Format:Paperback
I read this book many years ago and I'm so glad it's back in print! The book gives very useful and effective strategies for dealing with both soft-core and hard-core harassment, with lots of anecdotal success stories. It's so inspiring to read how other women dealt with it successfully, since all you usually hear is so discouraging: scare stories or endless tales of victimhood. But just reading about how someone stood up for herself was enough to get me to try it, I sweated bullets, but it was so amazing when the harasser backed down. It was super empowering.
Lots of helpful advice for social incursions, workplace harassment, racial aspects of sexual harassment, different scenarios. I'd taken the self-defense course known variously as Impact! or Model Mugging and that's all about life-threatening physical assault. But, even after I learned to knock out an attacker, I still had no tools to deal with softer intrusions, such as being stalked at a party where I was reluctant to make a scene among friends. This book will help you recognize when harassment is occurring and give you fresh ways to deal with it, ways you won't find on TV or most news sites.
Another aspect I liked about the book was her advice: label the behavior, not the person. Don't make it overly personal. Saying to someone, "You told a lie" is very, very different from saying, "You're a liar!" or even "You lied to me!". Keeping it factual forces people to take responsibility for their actions without becoming so identified with them that they can't change.
A successful confrontation with a harasser, IMO, is one where the harasser admits wrongdoing, quits doing it, and thus re-enters the world of human decency. Just punishing harassers doesn't really fix anything long-term.
Lots of helpful advice for social incursions, workplace harassment, racial aspects of sexual harassment, different scenarios. I'd taken the self-defense course known variously as Impact! or Model Mugging and that's all about life-threatening physical assault. But, even after I learned to knock out an attacker, I still had no tools to deal with softer intrusions, such as being stalked at a party where I was reluctant to make a scene among friends. This book will help you recognize when harassment is occurring and give you fresh ways to deal with it, ways you won't find on TV or most news sites.
Another aspect I liked about the book was her advice: label the behavior, not the person. Don't make it overly personal. Saying to someone, "You told a lie" is very, very different from saying, "You're a liar!" or even "You lied to me!". Keeping it factual forces people to take responsibility for their actions without becoming so identified with them that they can't change.
A successful confrontation with a harasser, IMO, is one where the harasser admits wrongdoing, quits doing it, and thus re-enters the world of human decency. Just punishing harassers doesn't really fix anything long-term.
1 of 4 people found the following review helpful
By Scott G.
Format:Paperback
Right off the bat, this is a good book. No other book I've read goes into such detail on how to deal with harassment both on the street, in the workplace and elsewhere. She reinforces the idea that I have always taught, that men and women handle harassment differently. A guy is not going to be afraid of confronting someone or hurting their feelings but women are they hesitate to confront. This book details what to say, how to say and what not to say. So for a woman who has never thought about this issue, this is a great book.
Like most anti-harassment books, it opens up with Part 1 a history and discussion of harassment, where it comes from and why men do it. It almost appears for a person to embrace anti-harassment they also have to embrace feminism, but that's another philosophical discussion. Part 1 also includes chapters on Civil rights, self-defense, and nonviolence. Part II deals with the meat of the books with chapters broken down into When Children are the Targets, When the Job Becomes a Misery, Men as Allies and 6 others. She does a decent job exploring other options such as legal or work related avenues, but that is not the thrust of the book so a person may want to look elsewhere for those specific topics.
One negative is she does not discuss the escalation issue. In most cases the men that are confronted back down and assume a submissive attitude which is good. But she does not bring up where confrontation has escalated to where the guy beats the crap out of the woman. Perhaps it never happened? Another possible issue or question is, she never discusses an alternative of physically hitting the person. For example, if I was a woman and I felt a hand running up my leg to my butt, I'd turn around and punch as hard as I could in the stomach. (I bet he'd never do that again.... Read more ›
Like most anti-harassment books, it opens up with Part 1 a history and discussion of harassment, where it comes from and why men do it. It almost appears for a person to embrace anti-harassment they also have to embrace feminism, but that's another philosophical discussion. Part 1 also includes chapters on Civil rights, self-defense, and nonviolence. Part II deals with the meat of the books with chapters broken down into When Children are the Targets, When the Job Becomes a Misery, Men as Allies and 6 others. She does a decent job exploring other options such as legal or work related avenues, but that is not the thrust of the book so a person may want to look elsewhere for those specific topics.
One negative is she does not discuss the escalation issue. In most cases the men that are confronted back down and assume a submissive attitude which is good. But she does not bring up where confrontation has escalated to where the guy beats the crap out of the woman. Perhaps it never happened? Another possible issue or question is, she never discusses an alternative of physically hitting the person. For example, if I was a woman and I felt a hand running up my leg to my butt, I'd turn around and punch as hard as I could in the stomach. (I bet he'd never do that again.... Read more ›
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