Customer Reviews

Back When We Were Grownups

5 star:		(96)
4 star:		(72)
3 star:		(60)
2 star:		(36)
1 star:		(14)

 

 

Much has been made, and deservedly so, of the excellent opening line to this novel---Once upon a time, there was a woman who discovered she had turned into the wrong person. Not since Daphne DuMaurier penned Rebecca have I read such a strong, enticing opening. Coincidentally, the heroine of this story is named Rebecca. Like many middle-aged women, she reaches a point where she wonders what happened to that intelligent, inquisitive 18-year old and how she evolved into the family planner and consoler, a grandmother who dresses like a bag lady.

Anne Tyler keeps her brilliant humor with this one as she gives us quirky, slightly offbeat characters surrounded by chaos, trying to make it while sliding downhill all the time. This work is all about the choices we make and the big "What IFS."

In the midst of one typically chaotic moment, while trying to cheer up an unhappy, grumbling family during a picnic, a perpetually jolly Rebecca is shocked to realize what a clean, simple life she would have led of it weren't for love. Nothing in the much-extended and offbeat Davitch family ever "flows" and it is always Rebecca at the epicenter of all crises. Apparently, she learns, you grow to love whomever you're handed whether it's a 99-year old man on his way to the hospital or a daughter who drops husband after husband, always after having given birth to a child.

Tyler gives us a look into the everyday events in life that are fraught with laughter (but only to an outsider or years later in retrospect.) Her meeting with her former fiance, the dinner with his multi-pierced daughter, the 100th birthday party she hosts for her uncle-in-law, and her attempt at an elegant dinner party while two gardeners discuss their mating habits outside an open window are just some of the laugh-out-loud funny moments that fill this book.

It is Rebecca's long-put-on-hold study of Robert E. Lee that leads her to the realization there are no grander motivations than family and friends and your true life is the one you end up with, whatever it may be. Rebecca finally sees herself on a family video and realizes she really had been having a wonderful time. And you will, too, as you share her middle-aged crisis with her. Happy reading!

Anne Tyler is a private person who never gives interviews, does readings, or signs autographs. For many years, I lived less than a mile away from her home in Northern Baltimore, and occasionally I would drive past in hopes of catching a glimpse of her out in the yard. I never did. However, in her last book, "A Patchwork Planet," she did provide one small window into her personal life: a dedication in memory of her late husband, who must have died while that book was being written.

With that piece of information in mind, it becomes apparent to the reader that "Back When We Were Grownups" is Tyler's first novel as a widow. The main character, Rebecca, is widowed; there are aching descriptions of what it's like to lose a loved one. If this is Tyler's most melancholy work, well, it's understandable, given the circumstances.

Somehow, she manages to make each new family of Baltimore eccentrics seem fresh; the dialogue rings true, and each character's traits are carefully observed (I particularly loved Rebecca's ex-boyfriend's obsession with his home-cooked chili). My only quarrel is that there are SO many characters that at times, I felt like drawing up a family tree just to keep track of all the in-laws and children and ex-husbands (not to mention the many repairmen constantly tending to Rebecca's crumbling old house). This is a bittersweet, beautifully written work.

I have to be honest. I nearly put this book down within the first few pages, having been introduced to such characters named Biddy, Patch, NoNo, and Jeep. I mean REALLY, I was wondering what was up with Anne Tyler's choice of names. Nevertheless, I stuck with it and discovered that the unique nick-names (as later found out) are a benefit to keeping the family tree straight, saving the reader from what would otherwise cause the greatest of headaches... there are so many people in this book!

That is how I know Tyler is a great author; she offers us a book of only 274 pages and gives us a story that is 1,000 pages in magnitude, a history of so many persons tucked into this easy-to-read package. "Back When We Were Grownups" truly deserves four and a half stars. (My best rating, being that I don't believe in a perfect score.)

I truly empathized with the character of Rebecca, a widowed fifty-three year old woman whose sole responsibility seems to be as peace-maker to her riotous family; meanwhile, paying the bills as a professional party-planner at the "Open Arms." She seems to have lost her life, having given all her time to everything or everyone other than herself. She starts to wonder about the road less traveled and what makes this novel inviting is that she goes back to that road, years later, and picks up the journey.

"Back When We Were Grownups" is a book about re-evaluating our choices, deciding whether we've carried our life or if life has carried us. This is a novel about the question of fate, if one has - somehow, accidentally - denied her own true destiny.

In its conclusion, I had two distinct endings in mind. But, as if emphasizing the moral of her story, Anne Tyler gave me something I had not considered; something so subtle that it didn't seem to be the end. Even in its resolve, there is an emphasis that life cannot be predictable and yet, Tyler hints that one should respect that life is such a way.

In "Back When We Were Grownups," Anne Tyler has brought forth the beauty that is life, examining all its disappointments and surprises. This is a very enjoyable read.

Anne Tyler is an exceptional writer, and this is a wonderful novel; her prose is almost flawless--spare, sly, full of nuance and detail. Those who have read a Tyler novel already know about her gift for characterization--she has a gift for gently cajoling readers to desire happiness for her characters as if it were for the readers themselves. Although Ladder of Years and Patchwork Planet, her last two novels, were lightweight (especially in comparison to the great four works that preceded them), Back When We Were Grownups is a genuine success. Although loss permeates this novel, it is never maudlin or sentimental. And the questions it raises, especially about personal choices, truly resonate. I had a wonderful time reading this novel.

How does Anne Tyler, over and over again, write novels about ordinary, albeit quirky, people who are quietly appealing and make the reader feel their physical and social awkwardness?

I was hooked from the first sentence: "Once upon a time, there was a woman who discovered she had turned into the wrong person." One MUST continue reading to find out why...and when Tyler introduces, in the next few pages, characters named MinFoo, NoNo, Poppy, Jeep, and Patch, I settled down to a long evening of reading.

Where has Rebecca Davitch's life gone? This is what she wants to know. She is 53, widowed for 27 years, and has brought up three step-daughters and one daughter whom she had with Joe Davitch. Joe's first wife had left him to become a singer and when he died, they continued to live with Rebecca. She was also left with "The Open Arms", a once-elegant but aging city house that the family rents out for parties and where they also live.

We meet Rebecca when she is wondering how she became what she now is: arbiter of family disputes, handyman, "cruise director" at "The Open Arms", caretaker for her elderly uncle-in-law, and a person of "unrelenting jollity" (a state she has had to struggle to attain). Is this her life, she wonders, or someone else's? What happened to the dignified, serene young woman she was at 19 when she married the 33-year-old Joe Davitch? She proceeds to awkwardly explore what might have happened had she married Will her hometown/college sweetheart and not lost her identity when she became immersed and enmeshed in the Davitch clan.

Rebecca asks herself "Wasn't it strange how certain moments, now and then - certain turning points in a life, contained the curled and waiting seeds of everything that would follow?"

It is obvious, as Tyler said in an interview, that her heroes are those who manage to endure and she wants everyone to understand what she is getting at. As one reviewer said "She never blinds us with her prose....instead, the quiet accretion of her insights hit one in the chest."

I would highly recommend this book.

The wonder of Anne Tyler is her ability to hear and capture the sounds and rhythms of the ordinary. Her characters live and talk like real people and she's got an uncanny ability to make everyday relationships and situations fascinating. She is a truly gifted storyteller whose writing never intrudes upon the story she's telling -- a skill some of our flashier, more precious authors would do well to master.

"Back When We Were Grownups" ranks among her best work. The characters are more endearing and memorable than those in "A Patchwork Planet" (with whom it was somewhat difficult to connect). Rebecca Davitch and her world are both comfortingly familiar and pleasantly unexpected. It's what we've come to expect from Ms. Tyler and what sends me to the bookstore every few years to buy her latest release, in hardcover, no questions asked. She is a writer of consistent quality and restraint.

This was my first Anne Tyler book. The first sentence intrigued me, so I bought the book. I first read the readers' reviews of the book and, of course, didn't see a consensus of opinions. I really didn't care `cause I knew I was going to read it anyway. If you're used to reading action, fast-paced, suspenseful books, then this can be a bit of a turn. Ms. Tyler can write about the ordinary with flare. I would say she's the Jerry Seinfeld of writing.

The premise, to those who don't know, is whether Rebecca, the main character, has actually chosen the life that she was meant to live. If we are in our 40's or above, many times we look back on our lives and can see where the path we were taking suddenly changed. It usually occurs in our 20's, but whose to say it can't happen in our 30's, 40's, or whenever. We can be constantly striving to better our lives and, in so doing, our paths can change again.

At a family picnic where her incredibly wacky family are doing their usual wacky stuff, Rebecca muses on that subject. She decides to go home to see her mother (I sure wouldn't want to go home too often if she were MY mother) as well as an old boyfriend. As we get to meet this old boyfriend, I thought, "Oh my God, no. This guy is so bleak, and so lifeless, while Rebecca is too alive to be with him." Thank God she comes to her senses. The cutest character is Poppy, the elderly (nearing 100) uncle of her late husband. At his hilarious 100th birthday party (which he's frequently reminding Rebecca of throughout the book), when he's asked to give a speech, Poppy starts droning on, with great detail, on the events of the day.... what he had for breakfast, etc. Ms. Tyler moves us away from Poppy to a frustrated Rebecca who waits interminably until Poppy delivers the detailed account of his momentous day. "Where is he now?" she asks her brother-in-law. "He's eating lunch," he replies. Rebecca and the reader know we have a while to go. Don't we all have relatives like that??!!

In the end, Rebecca realizes that she, indeed, is living the life she was meant to live. But Ms. Tyler doesn't really state that in so many words. The reader just knows that. At least, I knew it.

Back When We Were Grownups is a quiet book, a book about everyday happenings and how the mundane can have a huge impact on us. Don't look for any stupendous finish, or escalating drama, or some unsolved mystery to occur. It's not in this book. It made me think about my own life and the exact time when the path I was moving toward changed. I know, without a doubt, that if I had followed that original path, I would have become a different person. And, incidentally, a person I would not have liked. 30 years later, I can see that. So, for me, I am definitely leading the life I was supposed to. I hope to always keep changing for the better.

So to those who are hesitating to read this book, give it a try, keep an open mind and I think you'll really enjoy it. I did.

Anyone over 45 or with grown children should read this book. It is a masterpiece in past and present. Really makes one think, not in a dry you have to learn this way, but by reading a exceptionally well written piece of fiction.

Anne Tyler, surely one of this generation's preeminent writers, has a penchant for outre characters, exploring family relationships, and probing inner feelings. She doesn't veer from this course in her affecting 15th novel, Back When We Were Grownups.

Rebecca Davitch is a buoyant fifty-plus widow who tends to numerous relatives, including a 99-year-old great-uncle, with cheerleader vivacity and a cool head in a crisis. She is also the force behind a party/catering service, the Open Arms. "Beck," as her family calls her, is also given to introspection as she begins to wonder what chain of events has brought her to where she is and who she is today. "How on earth did I ever get like this?" she muses, remembering her rather impetuous decision to marry Joe, an attractive older man, divorced, with three daughters, and a home in Baltimore. They shared six years before he was involved in a fatal auto accident.

While attempting to revive the values of her youth, she ponders taking up the research she did not finish in college, perhaps even taking up with her now divorced college sweetheart. Or, is her life as it should be?

Rebecca does at last unearth the truth, while fortunate readers are allowed to share her quest and discovery.

Back When We Were Grownups is a wonderful book, as good as Tyler's Breathing Lessons, which won a Pulitzer Prize! As always, her characters are real people. They are foolish, insecure, thin-skinned, fearful of what life throws their way...and sometimes wonderfully wise and always truly human. Poppy's speech on his 100th birthday, a speech generally ignored by most of the attendees at his party, is the answer to the question, What is the secret of life?! Tyler has the three qualities I prize most in my favorite authors: the ability to see what makes people tick, an eye for the perfect revealing detail, and a grand sense of humor. As always, I eagerly await Tyler's next book!